You Can’t Unscramble Scrambled Eggs

in a blurr

2009-05-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

I am living in a blurr ... a bubble. I keep trying to write, the words don't come. I can't seem to put them side by side. makes blog postings sort of rough.
Many medical changes recently - meds, meds, meds. No sleep. too much sleep.
urgh.

FF

We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us.
Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.
— Philippians 1:19

Seek and find

2009-04-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

I came across his name quite by accident. I wasn't doing the standard "google" search, I have done it many times before ... admit it, you have too.
This time, however, it was innocent. His name presented to me via a random friend friending.
That didn't stop the stomach flip in seeing his name again. RIGHT THERE.
We all ponder them, every now and then. Maybe when we are feeling our best - "look at me now" or our worst "would it have been different?"
How is that, some twenty years later, I still stop and think of him in the "what could have been" way? I wouldn't change life really, but he is one of two who cause me to reevaluate the current. He didn't break my heart, he said I broke his ... I'm not sure that is true. He was sweet, kind, adoring. And a huge flirt. And super cute, which caused me great insecurities. He was young and immature. He had a child from another relationship. He had responsibilities, but wasn't responsible.
I can still see his face and feel his hand in mine. I can recall his tears and pleading looks. I can feel the ache in making a choice. A choice that turned bad ... but would it have been any different with us?
Is it wrong to look back?
I had my hand on the "be my friend" button. It would be that easy. To catch up. To find out. To ...
Then I read. Married - good! Kids - good. married, kids, married, kids. Hmmm, me too.
I searched her page. Read her comments. Looking for signs. Of happiness? or ...She looks sweet. really. I am sure she loves him. And he, her. How would she feel if I became his friend. Would it matter? Does she even know about me? How vain to think she might. Why would he mention me? It seemed important at the time ... a few years later, maybe it wasn't.
I still run into the first girl he dated after us. She still hates me. She will follow me slyly through the market .. I can feel her, checking me out ... creepy. She isn't over him either. Do we ever get over them, really. Is it normal to wonder? Normal for her to wonder what happened to the girl who kept him from giving his heart?
What is normal, anyway?
So, I clicked cancel. We don't need to be friends. It is enough to know he has a life and imagine him happy.
Sometimes innocent things become not so, it isn't worth the chance is it?

On the fence

2009-04-06T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm about to hit a milestone.

One of those that appeared to be so old when you were young. One we couldn't really imagine reaching ... however, knowing that when we did life would be fab ... complete, easy, maybe predictable.

What I know today - NOT SO MUCH.
Life isn't very different now than it was back when 30, 40, 50 was way OLD.
Happiness comes in a different packages, shiny bows ... Sorrows reach a bit farther down to in the soul, tears flow a little more freely. Mostly, things are much the same.

In my mind I never quite fit in as a kid. Or as a teen. Imagine my sadness when I didn't quite seem to measure up as a adult.

I recall so clearly being the girl who lived in an apartment. My clothes most frequently came from K-Mart. Every now and then I might talk my way into some designer duds (remember MEMBERS ONLY jackets?!? or Esprit Jeans), they just didn't fit me the way they fit everyone else. I attempted the hair cuts (the Dorothy Hamill, the bad perm, the bleached blond) - none of them were pretty on me.

I made attempts at funny, sarcastic, tough, tender ... I was just never witty enough to succeed at these. I wasn't even moderately intelligent. I was not pretty, but I wasn't hideous. I was so-so.

So I sat on the fence. right in the middle. Not quite fitting into to any clique. Never quite comfortable enough to hang out with the popular kids, and certainly not bad enough to hang with the rebels.

I'm sure there were a lot of us on the fence ... we just didn't find each other easily. Or at least I couldn't locate them ... and when I did, they seemed to excel to one group or the other and I was alone again.

Hmmm ... sitting on the fence as a kid must have been the pre cursor to my fence sitting in my quest for Christ ... I sort of sat waiting for Him to come to me and for things to be right. I wasn't comfortable enough with myself to seek Him. I wanted Him to come to me and let me know that I was enough for His love.

It took so long to discover that I was enough.
Just the way I was.
Maybe if I had known as a kid, a young adult ... I would have sat less and lived more. I could have made friends and memories.

I went to a party this weekend ... meeting up some of the folks that I grew up with ... well I grew up around them. Sitting on the fence - observing them. Wondering how I could be like them. How could they have it so together.
I was nervous ... beyond nervous to enter this domain. How would I possibly fit in? Obviously, they would all be far more successful than I. Certainly, they must have it way more together than I do. They absolutely must have it figured out and be settled. It must be easy for them ... how could it not be now, when it was then. And I would still be the girl who lived in an apartment.

It was almost too much. I almost backed out. I had a headache ... a good excuse. But I went ... off into the night, as glamed as I could get with out looking tacky (Lord, please help me!). My hubby said have fun. The kids said you look pretty Mommy ... it was enough. I have the everyone on my side that really matters.

How did it go?

I sat on the fence.

Between two groups.

Those who know me as I am - and think I am ok. They came to a party that they weren't really a part of, they pushed me out of my chair and said go say "HEY" ... even though that meant I was abandoning them.

And those who knew the girl who lived in an apartment. .Those who were interested in what I had to say. Who quickly admitted that they DID NOT have it all together. Who seemed to accept me and never once mentioned the apartment.

At each table, I was enough ... it was good. Life is Good. Not what I expected. But good.

Frannie

I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind up that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick: but I will destroy the fat and the strong; I will feed them with judgment. ~ Ezekiel 34:16

Houston, we have a problem

2009-01-06T13:28:00.000-08:00

Hi! My name is Frannie and I am an addict.
I must admit that I am easily addicted. Not so much to sex, drugs or other such vises ... but to Internet Fads! I seem to switch through them quicker than I can change my hair-style, and Mr. Farmer can attest that this is quite often. But one new hope generally equates to another being tossed to the wind and rapidly forgotten!
Enter Take Facebook vs. Blogging.
This new (ok, I know it isn't new new) Internet Fad has almost taken over my every waking hour ... yes, I take a breather to shower, feed the livestock and the youngin's but you can bet that I am thinkin' about the happenings on Facebook when I am not actually hittin' the *refresh* button every few minutes.
While I am contemplating the necessities of life I just can't help but wonder;
who tagged me in photo
is *this* a Facebook moment
who might have written on my wall
did some one request/accept my friendship
if someone sent me a box of chocolates
or changed their status from single to in a relationship but it's complicated
or maybe even danced with my cute little avatar on YoVille
and don't forget I may have been invited to an event I may or may not physically be able to attend.

Come on -- the the possibilities are boundless, the adventures are vast ... I can not possibly be asked to give this up. Can I?

Do any of my Blogger friends have such issues? Such *addictions*?
MySpace, YouTube, Facebook, Wikipedia , Blogger, Twitter (I sooo don't get Twitter.)
Am I a lone addict? Should I seek help? I don't honestly think I have a problem ... I can stop any time I want, I am not hurting anyone.

Happy New Year

Frannie

Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. Luke 13:24

15 Signs You're Addicted To Facebook (Glamour.com UK)
1. Work has become a nice break from Facebook, rather than the other way around.
2. When you're not on Facebook, you're trawling the internet for a new job as you're convinced you'll be sacked for excessive Facebooking very soon.
3. The first thing you think when you are fired for excessive Facebooking is, 'Great, now I can spend more time on Facebook.'
4. You've become a Facebook pusher. "Try it once, you'll love it..." you say to networking virgins.
5. You obsessively check your friends'/ex-boyfriends'/total strangers' list of friends to see if they have more than you do. And if they do...
6. ...you become a friend thief. Who cares if you don't know them? All's fair in love and Facebook war...
7. The last time you had any intimate contact was when you were 'poked' by some guy you haven't seen for two years. Actual sex is so last century...
8. You realise you've spent the last hour looking of photos of someone you don't even know
9. When it comes to meeting people, if they're not 'on' they're not worth bothering with. Who needs real friends when you're trying to reach the elusive 150 mark with your virtual ones?
10. You forget your best friend's birthday but you figure she'll be perfectly happy if you 'gift' her a cocktail and a Happy Birthday balloon.
11. You've had three group invites this morning but seem to be having yet another quiet night in tonight.
12. You turn down a night out at the pub quiz to play Scrabulous. It's a game, you're playing it with a friend and having a drink while you do it. What's the difference?
13. When it comes to solving real-life problems, your Magic 8 Ball application has made decision-making easy. So what if you were in love with the guy it told you to dump? Plenty more fish in the Facebook sea...
14. You haven't had a food fight for ten years but now your day isn't complete until you've thrown something at a friend. It's a sign of affection, you know.
15. You're dreading your holiday because you can't face going cold turkey.

Yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus

2008-12-16T22:06:00.000-08:00

Up to this year I have been allowing the myth of Santa to live on in our home.
Letting the older ones know that, once they had forsaken Santa - Santa would no longer bestow gifts upon them. That is; if they ruin it for the little ones by speaking up, their gift allotment would diminish slightly (or more).
This year I am running into another issue ... Santa is broke. Not like Santa is runnin' lean this year, but Santa is broke as in not.sure.how.to.pay.the.mortgage.broke. Do I break it to the littles and tell them there is no Santa and the only gifts a comin' will be from friends and relatives?
Do I "oopppsss, Santa must have missed the Farmer house this year" ...
We have generally tried to keep the spirit of Christmas about Jesus and what He means ... and I know that we do better than some - but we always have Santa gifts on Christmas morning ... even when times were lean.
I am just not sure what to do.
My heart is broken. I just never thought life would get harder as I got older ... I thought I had done all of the tough stuff before. Paid my dues and all. Guess not.
Frannie

Jesus is the reason for the season.
Jesus is the reason for the season.
Jesus is the reason for the season!

I cannot tell a lie

2008-12-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

I have been avoiding the blog world lately.
Mostly because I don't want to talk about it ... all of it. The bad stuff, of which there is plenty. The good stuff, of which I seem to be searching for.
I want to retreat into myself and not come out .. which of course, I can not do with all these children and all these things call RESPONSIBILITIES. But I am making a good effort at withdrawing from life.
It isn't just the blog world that I have been avoidin' friends, family, church, work, bathing (well, just today!) Just doin' what needs to get done and that's about it.

Crap. This is NOT the post I wanted to do.
I wanted sunshine and roses ... but then I went and did the title and now I can 't seem to fabricate any good stories.

My brothers death seems to be looming over us ... me mostly but everyone seems to be holding on to it and trying to process it and yet we can't begin to understand. That is what suicide does to you. I know ... leaves so many unanswered questions. I have read all of the pamphlets - I got it down ... but I am still expecting him to come on over and tell my why. I think we all are. You simply can't move past it - unless of course you were never *there* to begin with. (I am talking about all of those who say "you should just let it go and move on" "he is in a better place" yada, yada, yada).

sunny side, sunny side, sunny side .... I am trying to get there from here.

I did my own Pay it forward this week and it felt great.
I got family pictures done before Christmas.
I got cards for the pictures to go in.
I think I have stamps. I also think they are about 5 years old since that is the last time I sent out cards .... hmmm ... what is postage now?
I now know for certain that I can rule of brain cancer - as I have had every possible test known to man. (there is still something there but we don't know what)
It has not snowed yet this year.

Ok .. that is about all of the fluff I can muster ...
still thinkin' about y'all.

Frannie

Therefore I tell you that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit.
— 1 Corinthians 12:3

Missing in action.

2008-10-27T13:18:00.000-07:00

I have been missing action.

I can say that it has absolutely been with good reason.

Shortly after my last redemptive post about Paying it Forward ... life came a crashing.

Just when you think things might mellow for a while ... WHAM ... you get hit between the eyes and it takes some time to see straight.

I think I am beginning to see straight. Or at least I am trying to.

I find it odd to utter the words ... I think because things like **this** aren't supposed to happen in your family - it only happens in those other dysfunctional families ...

But here it is - my brother killed himself. He is gone. I won't ever see him - in this life - again.
He leaves behind a family riddled with pain, questions, anger and blame.

I have said before that suicide is a selfish act. I haven't changed my mind there - - but I do not blame him. He did not have the strength to go on and the pain that he lived through was more than most could have endured.

At the same time - I am so flippin' mad at him for not saying goodbye. For not letting me know that we were ok. For not releasing his children from their guilt. For allowing my parents to wallow in the grief and dismay of having found his wounded body.

I don't think he intended any of that. I think he just needed out - which I understand. I just don't like it. at all.

His death has made other things seem so pointless. frivelous. It makes life cloudy for me. I am not sure what to do, where to go ... I don't know how to stop the hurt, the hurt that I am not sure I deserve to feel. Such a long story ... such rapid and brutal ending.

Don't wait to mend ways with someone you love ... it can be too late. Even if you can't have them in your life - make peace - for their sake, as well as your own.

Peace ~ Frannie

People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad. ~Marcel Proust

Help us, O God of our salvation, for the glory of thy name: and deliver us, and purge away our sins, for thy name's sake. Psalm 79:9 sake.

Pay it forward

2008-09-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

I had a really nice experience at my local Starbucks this afternoon ... I had a long, long, long week - with children spread out hither and yan, over whelmed by my non-profit gig and that job that is actually supposed to pay me ... if I actually do the necessary work ...

anywho, I digress ... nice experience - Friday morning driving around running errands and in desperate need of sleep or caffeine. Since, at that moment, sleep isn't going to happen any time soon (please note that it is now 11:15 pm and I have been up since 6am & am still not quite near sleep .. opps, digressing again), caffeine it is. Not just any caffeine - it really does have to be Starbucks with a non-fat muffin of sorts and of course, since I have AngelBaby in tow, we'll need a kids chocolate milk ...

So, rather than face the daunting task of actually taking AngelBaby into my favorite Starbucks, I drive a little out of my way to go to the Starbucks with a drive through. I pull up and order my Vente non-fat single pump pumpkin spice latte, my non-fat apple bran muffin, and AngelBaby's mini-chocolate milk. WooHoo! I can't wait.

When I pull up to say for said purchase, the barista informs me that the lady in front of me has paid for my drinks - well actually my entire purchase. Wow. I am stunned. Now, I have had this happen before, but only when I frequented a place daily and knew the other patrons - which I do not anymore ... it has been a long, long time!

So, I said 'well then I will just have to pay for the person behind me' ... which I did.

Now, I wasn't able to catch the eye of the lady in the car in front of me -- I must have spent too many seconds being stunned (I did, however, notice that her 'membership to the Country Club sticker' was prominently placed on her rear window ... but that was before she had paid for my goods) ... and I felt bad because I would have like to at least given her a sweet wave and a smile - or better yet, have AngelBaby blow her a kiss ...

But, the lady whose drinks I paid for (only $6) pulled up beside me and said 'thank you so much'. Of course we were driving, so I couldn't respond other than a smile ... but I felt bad. As if I should confess that I didn't think of it on my own -- that really, she should thank the lady with the 'membership to the Country Club sticker' in the while Volvo ...

I left feel thrilled and dishonest at the same time ...

hmmmm. Something to ponder.

Frannie

The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., "Over the Teacups," 1891

He replied, "You give them something to eat." They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish--unless we go and buy food for all this crowd."
Luke 9:13

What's up chuck?

2008-08-31T19:12:00.001-07:00

Me. I am up. Up. Up. Up.

First I am on a new med that makes me jittery as hell, won't let me sleep and makes me feel like I have tourettes. Rather uncontrollably (is that a word?) expletives and random shouldnotbementioned things fly out of my mouth. I can mostly keep them inside, but there they are.

I am thinkin' I will be done with this med now ... I just have to convince the Doc.

I got back most of my oscopies test results. Long story short, my insides are really (really, REALLY) messed up. Thus the new medication. I don't have any specific blockage or tumors, but there is substantial damage to all those pipes and such ... and my stomach seems to be an acid pit - the Doc. said (and I quote) I have never seen that much acid in one stomach. and he even added especially for such a young healthy woman.

I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or kiss him. I mean, doesn't that sound a little ironic -- Mrs. Farmer, your inner body is unbelievably messed, but you are remarkably healthy. But, I so appreciate him saying that I am young (no not!) and that perhaps I appear healthy!

So ... onward we go.

On the plus side;
I got a CrackBerry - I love it! I was supposed to get a pink one, but they sent me silver and I would have to send it back and wait a week for the new on and ... well, I don't wanna. So they gave me a credit - and I bought a pink case. I am still trying to figure it out. I am sure I will love it more when it makes more sense to me.

So, of course I had to get a Bluetooth to go with it - it is illegal in my state to drive and chat. I still haven't synced them up, but I will tomorrow ..

Kids are heading back to school in 3 days!! It is a year of big changes for all of my girls. AngelBaby especially ... since she will be in pre-school and is the only who has never been cared for by anyone but mom. I think she'll be ok, but it will be an adjustment - for both of us.

I have been asked to cater two major Christmas gatherings and a fundraising event ... I am excited an nervous about that.

Mr. Farmer has adapted so well to his new (well a year plus) job, that he is lookin' at a promotion - which equals a much needed fat raise.

With AngelBaby starting pre-school, I am applying for a super cool coordinator job, with a local non-profit. It is only a handful of hours a month to start, but could work in to more ... I have come a long way from the Corporate World gal that I was ...

It's good though.

Obviously I have completely sucked at blogging the last few months. I am going to try to catch up and blog once a week ... if anything exciting comes along ...

I wish you well and ask that you check in on TTQ, who has a whole lotta stuff goin' on these days.

Be safe tomorrow.

Frannie

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." - Mario Andretti

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.Proverbs 16:31-33

Bittersweet Farewell

2008-08-03T16:19:00.001-07:00

If you have been around here for any length of time, you might know that I have had a number of friends (and family) move in recent years.

To be accurate, I would say that ALL of my close friends and family members have moved on.

Each one for a better reason than the last.

Each one more painful than the one before them.

This week my bestest (a LittleMiss word) friend moved. Far, far, far away. There will be no visits to her new place with out a passport and a month long sabbatical. She has taken her family on an mission for an indefinite amount of time ... a minimum of three years but they are committed to ten or more if that is what they feel called to do.

I admire her faith in the knowledge that she is doing the right thing. She has a clear mind and conscience that this is where she is supposed to be and doesn't doubt herself for a minute.

Heck, I doubt myself when I take the girls in for an extreme haircut.

But, I digress ...

She is really the final friend that I had left in my sleepy little town. Not that I don't know other ladies who I can sorta relate to - but she is the last one who has my story, and still loves me. She knows all the dirt. She has seen me breakdown, she has seen me rejoice in the smallest accomplishments and has held me tight when I have come unraveled. She has called me on my BS and praised me for things that didn't seem praise worthy to me. She has been a trueblue-oktocallinthemiddleofthenight - lovesmenomatterwhat - seenmemorethanalittletipsy - checkedmyheadfor*icky**icky*thingsafterareallybadcampingtrip - broughtmefoodafterthebirthofmybabies - helpedmebreastfeedthosebabiesandNEVERmadefunofmydroopyboobs - mademeseetheneedtogiveMr.Farmermoregrace - and always, always, always told me the truth, even when it hurt -BFF. And I am going to miss her so much.

And everyone says you can call, write, email, video conference ... yada, yada, yada. But I know it is not the same. I know because I have tried to keep up with the ones before her. And you do - for a while and then they get settled, meet new people and move on with life. I will make new friends, continue to live my life and think of her daily bit run out of time to send that card, make that call or plan that elusive trip.

She'll be back for short visits and it will be grand - I know this. But I also know that it will never, ever be the same. There will be details about her life that will slip through the cracks, things that I no longer instinctively know about her. New friends that I will be jealous of. New journeys and adventures - that I will also be envious of. A new language learned. New cooking skills. Different clothing worn. A different family scent. New, new, new. Different, different, different.

And yet, in some ways I know that we will pick up right where we left off. I know that I will never stop loving her. I will always consider her my BFF, even if I don't see her for ten years.

Today though, I am sad. I feel a great loss. I am also excited for her and can't wait to hear all about her journey!

Frannie

Friends... They cherish one another's hopes. They are kind to one another's dreams.-- Henry David Thoreau.

For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
Romans 8:3-4

A month and two days

2008-07-08T11:52:00.000-07:00

It seems that I can't find the time to post. My head is filled with subject matter on a daily basis, but available time eludes me.

The past month has gone by in such a rapid pace that I can hardly catch my breath.

School has ended and my girls are here - making chaos and cooking up a storm. Yep, no sports nuts for Frannie -- my girls wanna cook all summer. Well, LittleMiss wants to paint water colors as well, but mostly they cook. I can't complain - except when they don't clean up.

We have made it through the *oscopies* -- and no, we don't know what is wrong ... more tests to follow.

We attended a concert, a wedding and went camping. All of which were amazingly terrific. We danced in a sun covered field to a bluegrass band ... WOW!

We spent the 4th of July out on the water, watching hundreds of fire works whiz by - and we didn't have to light a single one. The girls were a wee bit disappointed that they didn't get to have sparklers but they got over it when we broke out the S'MORES and the Jiffy Pop.

This week SweetiePie is off to a two-week camp. I am prayin' for her, cause this is the first time she will be gone over night that long! But she is with a great group and I know that she will be well cared for - and she will make life long friends!

HeartBreaker is actually at camp most of the summer -- a CCIT (Camp Counselor in Training!) - next year they will actually pay her to come to camp. WooHoo! Of course by then I am sure that LittleMiss will want to go to camp and there goes any financial savings Mr. Farmer was hoping for.

I have been cookin' up a storm. Bridal showers and weddings galore. I am LOVIN' it. and stressin' a little bit too - but mostly lovin' it. I really prefer the Bridal shower over doing a wedding ... the stakes are just too high!

We have some good friends that are movin' far (far, far) away in the next month, so we are trying to spend as much time with them as we can. And we have some family comin' to the area as well. So summer is going to be busy for us -- and then before we know it - school will start again .. and I will officially have one in preschool, one in elementary, one in Jr. High and one in Sr. High school. WOW! ouch!

Signing off for now ...
Frannie

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time” John Lubbock (English Biologist and Politician, 1834-1913)

“I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word.” (Psalm 138:2)

fasting and cranky

2008-06-05T13:55:00.000-07:00

I'm fasting today. again. and it sucks. again.

clear liquids; tea, water, Gatorade, Jell-o (can not be red, blue or purple), bullion, Popsicle's or fruit juice with no pulp - such as apple, white grape and lemonade ... first off, I hate apple juice - always have, I think it is too sweet for me. White grape, same story. And lemonade, why oh why would I drink lemonade on an empty acid filled stomach. Ouch.

I don't care for Popsicles either ... the sweet thing again. Ditto on the Gatorade.

So it will be water, tea and Jell-O. Maybe some chicken bullion later ... but I don't know if I can stomach it.

I am cranky.

Not just because of the fasting, though it doesn't help, but because I have a raging migraine and usually I can rely on a saltine diet to help me ease the quease ... but not today. And while I can still take my migraine meds, I must sleep when I take them and AngelBaby is in fighting form today, plus I have to drink 8 ounces of water every hour on the hour ... so there is no rest for the wicked.

And ... do you really need more? ... I have to fast until my test at 4pm tomorrow. Seriously don't these people work in the morning? Did I mention that I could only eat a minimal diet yesterday? Really great stuff like cream of wheat and eggs - with no salt or pepper, thank you very much.

Ok, Ok, I am sure you are thrilled to hear all of this great stuff. TMI anyone? I could go further into detail but I would blush and even though you can't see me, I always imagine you can ... I'll only add that, of course I started my (.) today - what could make things more pleasant.

Wanna come visit me ... anyone ... anyone ...

Frannie

Our greatest victories are won on our knees and with empty stomachs. - Julio C. Ruibal

If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. Romans 6:5

this and that, cake from a box

2008-06-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

Well, one test down, three or four to go.

What did they find? Hmmm ... this and that. Nothing really conclusive. This is a word I hear so ofter (or rather its counterpart - inconclusive) that I want to scream when they use it. There are things that could be issues, but they might not be.

The prep for my next test is excruciating. and given that I already have a migraine and feel like I am going to throw up, I am fairly certain that they are going to have to postpone tomorrows test and I will have to start the prep. all over.

But ... let's move on, ok?

Friday was a big fundraising event for a group that SweetiePie belongs to. I had signed up to organize the gig long before I knew I might still be coming down from the anaesthetics. And me being me, a procrastinator and the classic over-achiever Mom, I decided that I would just do it all anyway. So ... I cooked up some good 'ole southern grub for a hundred ... turned into one hundred and fifty when a group on non-RSVPing folks showed up - dang them anyway. Of course, I happen to cook for an army when I cook, so it wasn't really an issue (after I stopped hyperventilating) and everyone was h.a.p.p.y.

The best part was the cake walk/auction. I determined that the kids needed to contribute in some way or another ... and we decided that they would all make the cakes for the auction. Too Darned Funny. and scary - some of these cakes were.not.pretty and I would not have paid money to even put one in my car, much less eat them.. And then there are those cakes that I KNOW the parents have made (which they are not supposed to -- what is the point of the kids participating if we do it for them), and then the one you KNOW came directly from the Safeway ... ooppss, there I go digressing again ... well, the cake walk/auction is a pretty competitive thing for this group - they take fundraising and cake eating very seriously in these parts ... Now of course in our house since I am making all the food myself, SweetiePie gets to make her cake from ... uhum ... a box. With frosting in a can (or whatever you call those thingies that they come in now).

But she is a superstar and made the best cake from a box with frosting from a can that a preteen could possibly make. She was proud of herself, and rightly so ... she knew that she made it on her own (ok, whatever ... from a box and a can - but hey she had to mix it right for it to look good -- and frosting a cake is a talent) ... Bidding was tough and Mr. Farmer was prepared to buy the cake at any cost ... $20, $30, $40 we were bringing that cake home. (is that as crazy as it sounds?) BUT - SweetiePie told Mr. Farmer not to buy it. She wanted to see how much money it could get with out parental persuasion. {gasp} What if no one bid ... my heart was thumping ... this could be tragic to my girls baking future.

Well, I needn't have worried. These people are c.r.a.z.y., I mean out of their heads crazy! It started out slow - $5, $10, $15, $17, $22 ... and it kept going ... and going ... and going ... her darned cake from a box, with frosting from a can, sold for $126. Crazy, I tell ya. I felt like I had just been slipped an extra twenty by a cashier not payin' attention ... should I fess up? Tell these folks that I could make them ... ummm ... I don't twenty more cakes for that price?? I was feelin' pretty sheepish at the back of the room. So far most of the cakes had gone for $40-$50 ... seems like a reasonable investment into our children's future ... but come on $126 for a cake -- not even Cheesecake.

As I sat there wondering if I should make a run for it (what kind of example would I be?) or tell the nice folks there had obviously been a mistake (an run the risk of crushing SweetiePie's fragile pre-teen ego) ... something funny started to happen on the other side of the room ... another cake (which I am certain was also made from a box, with frosting from a can) was easing up in price as well - I'll be darned if it didn't go for more than SweetiePies lovely cake ... as did the next cake, and yep - the following cake as well. Some cakes went for over two hundred dollars - two hundred dollars people ... these are the same people that decline to sponsor a child, or directly contribute to a fund ... okay, whatever, who am I to judge, really.

SweetiePie was thrilled beyond words ... and so were we since we didn't have to pay $127 for the cake that we had already purchased for under $5.99 ... and we bought one of the cakes at the beginning and ended up shelling out $40 for someone else's cake from a box, with frosting from a can. But hey it's all about the kids - and they made over $2000 from the auction alone, not to mention the monies taken in for the food that yours truly provided ...

The best part ... when we left, SweetiePie leaned over to me and said MaaMaa, these people are nuts, why didn't they just write a check in the first place? She went on to say that she was glad that she did spend some time and energy to contribute to the cause but ... it was weird how all these folks got so excited about a little bit of cake ...

Now, if I could eat today, I would be tuckin' in to my cake from a box, with frosting from a can ... since I can't I'll leave you all with a few of my favorite Erma Bombeck quotes;

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".

Happy June,

Frannie

"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."Matthew 6:1

Here we go again

2008-05-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

New and improved ... well that's what I am hoping for anyway.

This week I start a new round of testing ... the oscopies; Gastroduodenoscopy, Endoscopy, Laparoscopy ... and the dreaded.I.can.hardly.say.it Colonoscopy. Yeehaw! Am I excite? Not so much!

While I am hopeful that some concrete answers will come for all of these tests (Please Lord, don't let them all be for nothing!), the lead up to them - not to mention the prepping - has me shakin' in my boots, and more than a little grossed out! Especially that last one.

The first one takes place on Thursday -- and the sucky part is that one must fast for a minimum of 12 hours before the test ... the one on Thursday is at 4:30 in the afternoon, so that means I can't eat all day, but I must still take all of my regular medications which make me feel sick as hell if I don't eat something with them. Ahhh but I am not complaining .. ok well I am, but can you blame me?

Because my body has become fairly immune to medications - many years of strong narcotic medications - it will take a heck of a lot of anesthesia to put me under. They anticipate that it will take 36-48 to come out of my drug induced coma, which means I have had to arrange for a bevy of child care - and husband care :) because God love him, Mr. Farmer is fairly incapable of managing when Mrs. Farmer is away!

Okay, so the bonus - with all the fasting, not to mention the cleansing, I might lose a pound or two or five ... and that could put me at my goal weight (125) which I have not been able to attain - I have been plateaued at 130 for about five or six months. I am okay at this weight, given the fact that it is 105 (at least) than I used to be ... but a girls gotta have a goal, right?

Funny (sorta) story ... early last week AngelBaby had a fever, the not funny part, and when she woke up she was quite wobbly - as one can get when feverish - she tried to walk into the living room be was too shaky to make, she looked up to me and said in a pitiful voice Mama, why are my legs going backwards? She must have repeated it three or four times before I could stop holding my breath trying not to giggle and scoope her up in my arms. Maybe you had to be there, but it was highly cute and very humorous! She is better now, but whenever she doesn't feel like walking she'll say My legs are going backwards again. She is one smart cookie!

Out for now,
Frannie

For as the earth bringeth forth her bud, and as the garden causeth the things that are sown in it to spring forth; so the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations. Isaiah 61:11

“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.” Rita Rudner

Technology

2008-05-17T12:06:00.000-07:00

My computer finally crashed for good.

Nothing like being forced into spending money you don't have. But I must say that I am thrilled with my new computer ... it is so fast and has all of these cool new functions.

It has Window's Vista. Which I haven't used before and understand that it can be a bit ... ummm ... tempermental. But I am sure that I will figure it out.

Nothing much else has changed .. still seeing a slew of Doctors. Still not getting any answers.

Well, that isn't entirely true - I do know that I don't have a brain tumor, I don't have any allergies, nor do I have any detectable cancers ... so I do have some answers. Just not any answers that help.

We have been busy, busy, busy with year end (school) activities. The kids have so many daily activities that make my head swirl ... I can haardly keep up. Add to that my cooking schedule, volunteer schedule and daily work schedule.

We finally have a taste of summer/spring in our neck of the woods - thank goodness ... I am relishing in the warmth. And being able to plant a garden - there is nothing like your own fresh veggies. The kids love working in the garden and presenting their own carrots, beans and tomoatoes.

On of my favorite bloggers/author's is getting ready to release her newest book .. check her out, if you don't already ...

Hope your weekend is TERRIFIC.

Frannie

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. ~Albert Einstein

anon-I-miss

2008-05-01T16:27:00.000-07:00

that is who I am here - on this blog.

I chose it. I know. Very intentionally.

Because I had to. Because once upon a time I had a blog where I spoke more freely about my Real Life, my family and all that it entailed ... and I got burned.

It happens. But it makes it hard sometimes. Especially when I forget how much I have actually said here and how much I have wanted to say -- not always the same thing.

Let me clarify - I don't lie here, I just don't talk about the things that I really want to talk about. It is all more superficial than I would like it to be. Especially right now when I have so much to say.It sort of takes away from the whole reason that I started blogging ... so that I could write, which I love. So that I could have an outlet, which I need.

The side effects of the new med are running rampant. I am a wreck. The things is, it is hard to tell what is a side effect and what is real. Am I catching a cold, or are those the flu like symptoms that they mention? Am I going to start my period, or are these the intense abdominal pains indicated? It is enough to make you crazy. Which of course, Mr Farmer thinks I am.

My anxiety level is HIGH, which makes my cranky and definitely leads to depression. Thougths of suicide ... not so much. But I can see how some might get there from here. Although I can barely hold a thought pattern together, so ....

4 more weeks, I think.

On the plus side - no weight gain, nor any weight loss. The nausea is hell, but it does keep me from pigging out.

This weekend I am spending some serious girlfriend time -- going out for drinks at a Tapa's Bar. Now of course I can't drink and I don't really know what Tapa's are, but it doesn't really matter - I am going out with friends - some I know, some I don't - and I am going to let my hair down just a little.

I hope you have something fun planned for your pre-Mother's day weekend.

Peace,
Frannie

You know when I feel inwardly beautiful? When I am with my girlfriends and we are having a 'goddess circle'. Jennifer Aniston

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ... Romans 5:1

Choices

2008-04-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

Turns out the choice wasn't really mine to make. Not really anyway.

Doctor number one conversed with Doctor number two and while reviewing my insurance plan it was discovered that if I don't at least attempt to take this medication (or at least 2 medications within this class) I will not qualify for the next level of treatment. It seems that there are tiers of treatment and you must successfully attempt each tier before the insurance company will refer you to the next level. Sweet.

How do you like that?

So, I started it last week.

Here are just some of the side effects;
Dizziness/Double vision (at least half of the people get this)
Headaches Coordination problems (as if I don't already have this problem!)
Blurred vision
Nausea/Vomiting
Irritated or runny nose
Sore throat
Cough
Abdominal pain
Insomnia
Shakiness/tremors
Weakness
Back pain
Fatigue
Flu-like symptoms
Indigestion or heartburn
Painful menstrual cramps (hooray!)
Bronchitis
Diarrhea
Fever
Dry mouth
Constipation (before or after the diarrhea? just wondering ... and then hemroids?)
Chest pain
Weight loss

also less frequently are; seizures, Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, unusual bruising, bleeding, liver damage, such as yellow eyes or skin (jaundice), severe muscle pain, frequent infections, hives or rash, fever, swollen lymph nodes (swollen "glands"), painful sores in or around the mouth or eyes, swelling of the lips or tongue, and again - Suicidal thinking or behavior -- hmmmm ... I wonder WHY??

I already have a bladder infection, which may or may not be related ... but hey, I am not complaining. To top it off, I had to add an additional medication - or three - to my daily list to counter the side effects of this med. 5 weeks, that's how long I need to try it, for it to be considered a fair trial.

Any wonder I am a raging Biatch? Everyone is trying to be really nice -- in the house, I mean -- but they can only walk on egg shells for so long ... and I can't blame them, it isn't easy to understand - I can't even explain anything - because there are no answers really ... and of course the meds make me so loopy that even if there were answers, I couldn't articulate. And I feel angry and frustrated inside -- part of this is a side effect, this I know -- but the part is the trapped in the system side of me ... so far I have managed not to scream the words that seem to whirl through my head ... I feel a little bit crazy at times - ok most of the time - and while I know it isn't anyone's fault and they can't do anything, I just want them to be quiet. Which of course, they can't do.

Ok, well there you go. I am managing. Trying to get through. One day at a time.

Peace ~
Frannie

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” Robert Brault

He [Jesus] was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.
Romans 4:25

Weather or whether

2008-04-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

Weather ... it's April 18th and it's snowing.

Snow. In. April.

Wrong. this is plain old wrong. At least where I come from it is. We don't generally have weather like this. And I don't care for it. I am ready to put the long sleeves away. I am ready for sandals and skimmers and a pedicure.

Whether ... whether to take the next med or not. That is question that is weighing heavily on my mind today. I have tried several. They are messin' with my abilities. Severely. It ain't pretty. But ...

I am seeking some solitude this weekend. I am going to do my best to steal away some quiet time. I am have to bribe some people. But I need some peace. It doesn't come cheap - but I think it will be worth it in the long run ... because I need to know the answer to whether ...

I started seeing a counselor of sorts. Have only gone a couple of times -- it's tough to arrange. But it has been good so far. It is hard for me to open up - to be vulnerable. Truthful. We'll see.

Snow. More snow. I can't believe it.

Happy April

Hope you are warm, where ever you are ...

Frannie

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather. ~John Ruskin

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Switching things up.

2008-04-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

What do you think?
I got a new do.

Do you like it?

I am still working out the kinks.

But I like it ... I can't figure out how to change the color of my blog title ... but it's ok.

I had all of my tests. I am battered and bruised. Inside and out. Now I just wait and see, wait and see. ohhh the waiting is the hardest part ....

I finished my taxes last night at midnight. I was going to use the ca$h for a new computer, but I have to use it for practical things instead -- like new brakes for the big rig. Damn!

Spring break is over for the kids, back to a regular schedule ... fun, fun, fun. They are on the count down to Summer Vacation - and I can honestly say I am looking forward to it too! We have a few fun things planned for the summer - but mostly, I think I am going to take some time to enjoy my girls.

I hope you have some actual Spring in your area - I think we finally do, we have had a full week without snow, so I am going to call it good ...

Blessings,

Frannie

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. ~Charles Dickens

I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. Philippians 3:12-13

TEMPLATE WARS

2008-04-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

I couldn't even read my own blog.
I could post, but I couldn't look at it ...
So, I took *up graded* - can you tell?
Now what?

Testing tomorrow.

I am nervous.

Really nervous.

(and I keep spelling nervous with an *e* at the end)

FF

Started

2008-04-08T14:45:00.000-07:00

Never say never.

Started! whew.

Of course, I did. Just as soon as I broke down and took the Test - literally 45 minutes later ...

Now I am going to take some Midol and lay down with a heating pad.

Still have testing to look forward to this week.

Peace.
Frannie

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. ~Erma Bombeck

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:7-8

testing 456, testing 456

2008-04-06T16:16:00.001-07:00

I can't say it out loud.
Not at home.
But I can say it here. Especially when there are so few people that actually visit nowadays.

I am late.

3 days.

No biggie really, right?

Right.

But I am not a generally. Never. Well ... um besides the 4 times I was knocked up, I have been late twice in my nearly 4-0 years.

So, I am freaking out.

Meds.

S.e.r.i.o.u.s. meds.

I am on a ton of them.

Seven, eight. Something like that. Those are the dailies. Not the ones I take when things are really bad.

I go in for a slew of blood work on Thursday (completely unrelated to lateness) and an ultrasound (also unrelated - I guess that is obvious, since I can't say it out loud) ... I think I will just wait it out and let it be discovered if there is anything to be discovered.

The funny thing is - of course - that since I have been so sick, the conjugal visits have been exceedingly minimal the last 6 months ... and I know this one was an early morning adventure snuck in by Mr. Farmer - I'm not even certain that I was fully awake and I know I went back to sleep ... we don't use BC because of my migraines and because we had trouble conceiving when we tried to ...

OK, now that I said it out load, I am certain that I can feel the cramps coming on ... and that the flow will begin at anytime ... and I will be back to delete this post.

Happy Sunday!

FF

Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is to small to be made into a burden.
~Corrie ten Boom, Clippings from My Notebook

Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." Galatians 4:

Neglect

2008-04-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

It's not you. It's me.
I am neglecting everything these days. Some things I neglect on purpose - I just don't want to deal with my mother, or that friend who isn't really a friend ... and other things aren't so intentional - like this blog.
I think I am down to like 12-15 hits a week. Yikes. Ego crash. Oh well.
The problem is that I have so much going on that I want to talk about, but I can't. Not and totally blow my *cover* ... which I have worked hard for. And until I can settle everything down (when the hell will that be anyway?) I just don't know how to write here ... because all of the stuff that is really going on just seeps into the words that I am trying to say.
There have been a hand full of blessings ... and more than a hand full of hardships.
We're coping.
We always do.
I can say that Frannie has been sick - really sick - which has cause great financial strain on the Farmer household and I am fAreaKeD out . So if you happen to be a prayer - I would appreciate and covet your prayers.

I'll be back -- I always am ...

Blessings,
Frannie

“It is not good for all our wishes to be filled; through sickness we recognize the value of health; through evil, the value of good; through hunger, the value of food; through exertion, the value of rest.”
Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
Psalm 4:1

Hey, Hey! You, You!!

2008-03-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

I'm not writing ... but people still seem to be lurking. I am thankful. Inspired really!

For once I'm not not writing because I don't have anything to say (like that makes sense - whatever ...) I haven't posted because I almost have too much to say. Too much going on.

Things have been odd, complicated. Even now, I can't seem to put them into words. Funny when I opened this, I thought I might be able to ... and now I just can't seem to form the words.

I have long tried to keep this blog *just real enough* so that you would get a glimmer of the real Frannie, but not so much that others could claim that I am invading their privacy should they discover this blog. Once upon a time, I had a different blog that was discovered .... well, if you've been around for any length of time you know that story, so I won't go into it -- but it is the reason I hedge on revealing too much about current circumstances.

What I can say ... my health continues to wane. Tests, tests and more tests. Mr. Farmer is encouraging (strongly *encouraging*) me to seek some alternative informative routes that make me uncomfortable ... they require me looking into the past and speaking to people who I would rather avoid --- for the rest of my life.

My children are growing up so quickly, some days it just takes my breath away. AngelBaby is so rapidly following in the footsteps of her older sisters that I just want to hold on tight ... and cherish her sweet cheribness ... that is when she isn't destroying things and making me CRAZY! LittleMiss has adjusted to school life and has become the social butterfly that I knew she would be. SweetiePie has decided that this is HER year ... and STEP BACK! She is out of her cocoon - and what a beautiful sight. HeartBreaker ... well, she continues to break hearts - it's her job and she takes it very seriously, I reckon she has another year or two at it before she hands the title over to SweetiePie ... ahh the life of a mother of all girls. God love 'em!

Mr. Farmer has been at his new business venture for a YEAR and all is well. I am so glad that he took it on. Although it has meant many a change for the family, I think that the long term (5 year plan) will be an absolute benefit to all!! And he is 100% happier where he is.

Did I ever mention that we finally finished our minor remodel project? Well, we did. For the most part anyway. What was supposed to take 3 months, took almost 2 years -- the final inspection took place last week and we got the final A-ok!

I don't think I am the only one -- do tell .... When ever I open my blog page - my computer crashes! Now, I thought it was because my computer was so crappy! But then I heard from someone else that it happened to them too .... anyone else??

Well, I guess I have rambled on about nothin' long enough ... I hope that March is treatin' y'all better than February!!!

Hugs,

Frannie

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.
Maria Robinson

You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men? 1 Corinthians 3:3

repeating myself

2008-02-12T21:58:00.000-08:00

it seems to be my *mode* these days.

I do it at home - with the children.
With the husband.

I do it with everysingleeffindoctor I see.

at church, in the grocery store, on the play ground, at the committee meeting .... the list goes on.

it isn't as if my story changes.

I mean the repeating with the children is one thing -- I said no. Stop touching your sister. Do not; climb on that, cut that, throw that, bounce that, eat that .... yada, yada, yada.

Mr. Farmer ... well, you know -- I repeat a lot -- we won't even get into it here.

The other stuff has to do with the health though. and the weight. and some life changes.

The Doctors. They piss me off. I am so tired of repeating my story. My history. Come on. If I have to show up a half an hour early, fill out a 20 page form, sign all of my privary rights away -- shouldn't they take the time to read my effin' charts? I actually told my PCP this last week ... and warned him that I will walk out on the next *specialist* who asks me to tell my story.

and people (good people) are concerned. I get it. But I feel like I should just run an ad, explaining it all so that I don't have to say it over and over ... I forget who I have told what ... it doesn't help that the medications all seem to cause some sort of memory loss ... in fact even as I type this, I wonder if I have already posted all of this ... hmmm.

Wishing you the best ..

Frannie

“I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.”
Sophia Loren

Be appalled at this, O heavens, and shudder with great horror," declares the LORD. "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.
Jeremiah 2:12-13

Breakfast

2008-01-31T09:42:00.000-08:00

with AngelBaby

no mayo

no bread

just straight up -- and a side of these

am I a great Mom or what?

random in 2008.

2008-01-24T15:43:00.000-08:00

not spellchecking, fact checking, typo-ing, anythinging ... what u c is what u get.

*the other night - 2:30am; LittleMiss is is crying out Mommy, Mommy, Mommy - at first I ~~ignore her~~ don't hear her, but finally I awake from my slumber and go in to soothe her. She is sitting straight up in her bed (backwards), eyes wide open, shaking ... I shhushhh her and ask her what is wrong and she says I want Daddy ... gratitude.

* testing 1.2.3. continues. I have had more tests in the last few weeks than I can name. and really now i can't name them. I am in a strange fog. So far they have found a number of things wrong with with me - but none of them having to do with my initial - debilitating - problems. They keep prescribing more and more medications and each time I have to decide. each one seems valid - but all of them together ... well ... they are *all of them together* - more than I want.

* Heath Ledger. I can't not say anything. (whatever.) another death that just so tugs at my heart. I have to admit that I have been watching and waiting for Britney to go down. not that I want or hope for it ... just that it seems sort of Anna Nicole inevitable ... but dang, it is just so sad when these young people, who have SO MUCH GOING FOR THEM leave the earth so early.
It has been that sort of week around here anyway ... we have lost a few young people in our community and are left with a giant loss ... sadness, pure sadness.

* weight loss. I haven't mentioned it in a while. I can't believe it. I am now down to 135. (w.o.w.) I am fairly close to having lost 100 (yep, that is one hundred) pounds! I actually probably have, but I didn't start weighing myself until I had lost a pound or ten so ... it feels good. not as good as I thought it would but good. weight is certainly different as you get older ... it all - ummm - well, errr settles in different places than before. ok, tmi - I know .. but this is my tmi place.

* jobs. I have too many. somethin's gotta give. I don't know what. but somethin' will. not good.

* computers. I hate them. nuff said.

* AngelBaby is quickly on her way to becoming a tattoo artist. Each day she manages to find a new permanent marker and proceeds to color her entire body with it. this was especially fun at her Dr. appointment last week.

* irony. there is huge irony in the fact that the medications I take make me sleepy all day - but keep me awake all night long. what gives?

* hsm. r u familiar? we r hsm crazy at r house. we r also txt crzy which i am trying 2 figure out but can't quite. but if I hear breaking free 1 more time ... i will go n.u.t.s.

* shrunk. I shrunk. I went into the Doc. for a full on physical ... oh the joys ... and I have shrunk an entire i.n.c.h.

Frannie

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy -- to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
Jude 1:24-25

Bed Time Craziness

2008-01-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately we don't do routine well in our home.
I was never one of those mothers that could keep my infant (toddler or teen, for that matter) on a strict or even moderate schedule. Not that I didn't try, a little, I just couldn't ever master it. This isn't shocking for those who know me ... I tend to be a little chaotic myself, so it is no wonder that the babies would follow suit.
Lately though, the chaos has gotten out of hand ... it all started during the Christmas break. Everyone had time off and everyone stayed up far too late - and thus slept in far too late - and maintained a vagabond schedule. Everyone just sort of grazed their way throughout the days ... eating and napping when and if they felt like it ... falling into bed at unfathomable hours.
NOT GOOD! Because we can't seem to shake it ...
Every night last week my children were wide-eyed and revved up until at least 11:30-midnight ... but we still had to get up and go to school, work or just move at 7am!

Frannie is T.i.r.e.d! and slightly disoriented and cranky ...

While AngelBaby does your typical "can I have ... another glass of water, hug, kiss, baby, different baby, story ...." or "I'm ... scared, not tired, hungry, thirsty, gonna barf ..."

LittleMiss is a different story -- she asks questions. A ton of questions ...
"Mommy ... what is 18 plus 18? why is Daddy a Daddy and you're a Mommy? Why did Daddy pay the ice cream man not to come to our house? (???) When will I be bigger? When will you be smaller? (thanks!) Who made darkness? (God, He also made Light) Why? (So we could tell day from night)Why? (hmmm ... so we could sleep at night and be active during the day) Who made God? (ah, oh, ummm .... you should ask Mrs. SundaySchoolTeacher)

In general it is all too deep for Frannie at midnight! Heck it's too deep at 9pm!

Did I mention that I am tired?

WIshing you all sweet dreams ... before midnight.

Frannie

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

You were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession -- to the praise of his glory. Ephesians 1:14

Sunshine and Roses ...

2007-12-29T11:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, maybe not.

I made it through Christmas. I wasn't a total Grinch. The kids ended up with a few gifts and CPS never stopped by to question me about AngelBaby's knife wielding adventures ...

although I have noticed that the Fed-Ex guy approaches our house with a little more caution these days.

We got snow on Christmas day, so the kids had a grand time making snow angels - in the .25 inches that accumulated (and was gone by evening).

True to form, Mr. Farmer failed to deliver fabulous gifts ... he just isn't any good at the stuff ... but it's ok because I had already ordered this beauty before Christmas - now I just have to figure out how to work it in to my wardrobe.

A big (or not) plus this season -- I managed to get through the numerous feasts without gaining any weight. I didn't lose anything (I have about 5 pounds left to reach my goal) but I didn't expect to.

We have been talking about New Years Resolutions around here. I am not going to make any, because I know that I am not likely to keep any that come immediately to mind ... Mr. Farmer, however, has 2 or 3 that he thinks he will stick to.

What about you? And big resolutions or revolutions?

I am going to take down the tree today ... funny, everyone wants to *help* put it up, but no one wants to help me take it down!

Blessings ...
Frannie

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.”
Erma Bombeck (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

Nothin'

2007-12-21T13:18:00.000-08:00

I've done nothin'.

Bah humbug!

Here it is the 21st ... and I haven't even started. I just can't seem to get into the mood.

Mr. Farmer and the kids put up the faux Christmas tree, but I still can't get into it.
Friends, family and neighbors have dropped by with copious amounts of cookies, candies and other treats -- and I am still not there yet.

Maybe I need to visit Santa and sit on his lap ... ask for the Christmas spirit ... hmmmm .... but that would mean a trip to the mall and I just don't have it in me. Especially not with the terrorizing AngelBaby in tow ...

She has taken her terrorizing to new levels and I am shy about even leaving the house with her ... actually I am she about staying home with her too.

Case in point; this morning I lug her upstairs and lock her in my room (I was there too!) so that I can take a shower. Now generally she just yammers on and on, occasionally flushing the toilet to ~~SCALD MOMMY~~ catch my attention, unrolling the toilet paper or attempting to flush the entire roll ... you know, usual toddler fun ... I digress ... this morning though, she is very quiet - I know this means trouble but I can only wash rinse and repeat so quickly - I call her name over and over, no answer ... finally I emerge from the shower, still a little soapy, and see that she is GONE. Not in the room. The door is open. Yikes.

Haphazardly I wrap a towel around me and run downstairs (we currently have NO CURTAINS, so this is NOT a pretty sight) only to find AngelBaby with a steak knife in hand attempting to open the Christmas box sent cross-country from Grandma. Scary huh?

Oh ... it gets better!

1. She is naked
2. She has stabbed at least 10-15 holes in to said box
and 3. The Fed-ex guy is standing at the door!

Yep, me in my towel ... a naked AngelBaby wielding a knife ...

Good Times ... really good times ...

Merry Christmas!

Frannie

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. ~Fran Lebowitz

Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD has risen upon you. For darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the LORD will arise upon you, and his glory will appear over you. Nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Lift up your eyes and look around; they all gather together, they come to you; your sons shall come from far away, and your daughters shall be carried on their nurses' arms. Then you shall see and be radiant; your heart shall thrill and rejoice, because the abundance of the sea shall be brought to you, the wealth of the nations shall come to you. A multitude of camels shall cover you, the young camels of Midian and Ephah; all those from Sheba shall come. They shall bring gold and frankincense, and shall proclaim the praise of the LORD. Isaiah 60:1-6

There's nothing there.

2007-12-17T12:05:00.000-08:00

That is what they tell me. They don't know why.
Why so often.
Why so hard.
Why medication doesn't help.

Why me.

I am left thinking ... why doesn't *good news* fell good?
I don't have a tumor or a anything fatal.
Good new, right?
Of course.
but ...

here I am left wondering ... why. what. how. when.

There is something.
There has to be a reason why it hurts so much, so often.
Why I am unable to function at least once weekly.

More tests.

That is the pat answer. See this person, that specialist ... over there -- far away.

Or ...

try this medication and that medication - oh why not add this one ... it might help.
help dull the pain -- but not
FIX THE PROBLEM.
or even remotely identify the problem.
Try this cocktail ... then that one ... red pill, blue pill, 1/2 the pink every other Monday at noon and six ...

no.

NO!

NO!

I don't want to.
And you can't make me.

can they?
Well, of course not. But when the pain is so bad and there aren't any answers in sight ... I am left
wondering ... how.

And ... feeling like a martyr. and I hate that. I hate it because I don't want to be the person that can never truly say "I'm fine" ... I'm NOT fine. I am barely "ok" on most days. and I hate repeating myself over and over and over ... a broken record. I hate it that I want to scream at people, nice people who just want to know and reassure .. but ask questions that I can't (or won't) answer ... I want to scream NOTHING HAS CHANGED ... no answers here.

but I don't. Scream. ever.
Only in my head.

this is my blog and I won't apologize for weeping here ... because here is where I can scream ... even if just a little. I hope you understand.

Frannie

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. Carl Sandburg

You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you. May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel. Psalm 69:5-6

Testing 123, testing 123

2007-11-29T11:53:00.000-08:00

Can you hear me now?

I hope so.

Some days I feel guilty for even thinking about keeping this blog alive ... but mostly I am looking forward to a time (10 years maybe?) when I can write when I want, what I want. On a computer that actually functions as it should ... mine continues to crash and it will likely take me an hour to pound out this post ... grrr ... ah well!

The last few weeks have been challenging. Testing really. Literally and figuratively.

My migraines have gotten worse and so have some other symptoms that I never thought to mention before. I can certainly feel for my friend TTQ who goes through such tests on a regular basis. They suck! Blown veins, loud machines, rude (abrupt) technicians, doctors who don't have enough time to sit down and talk to you. It Sucks!

On the positive side, my PCP (primary care provider) is wonderful, and pushy and aggressive and seems to actually give a damn about my health and especially my ability to function! So, at least I feel like I have an advocate on my side.

I still can't sit down very well. But the pain isn't as bad as it was ... of course that could have a little something to do with the copious amounts of medication that I can currently on ... but whatever.

I have been keeping VERY busy with my cookin' gigs. The amount I was paid last week to prepare a home cooked meal for two made me BLUSH! But, I'll take it because right now all my cookin' money is paying for all these tests ... so it is a blessing that someone is willing to pay me for something I am going to do anyway!

My girls are wonderful. They don't really know what is going on, I don't want to freak them out with all of this information until I understand what it all means ... if I ever understand what it all means.

Mr. Farmer has done pretty well too. He tends to put his head in the sand when it comes to uncomfortable issues, but this time he has had to take the lead a little more.

I have skipped around to a few of my favorite blogs and am sad to see that some of my closest blogger friends are going through rough times. I won't mention them by name ... but this is a rough season for people, so if you are a Prayin' person -- just give a shout out to all of those who are in pain this holiday season.

I want to say more, I know I have more to say .... but I am comin' up empty. Seems to happen when I actually take a moment to write -- if only I could write when my brain thinks of good posts ...

Ah well, I am wishing you all a wonderfully blesses holiday season!

Love those around you. Tell them. Show them. Take time. Embrase life. It all goes too quickly and you just can't predict what tomorrow will bring.

Love,

Frannie

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes. Charles R. Swindoll

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe. Philippians 2:14-15

Aches, pains and banana milkshakes

2007-11-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Right?
Well, it certainly seems to be the case for Frannie.

I seem to be on a medical decline. I have to wonder if *this* is life after 35. There always seems to be something that is hurt, broken or otherwise not working ... and I am just talkin' about this old body.

Last week I took a tumble. A fairly bad tumble. Child in arms. On the pavement.
I landed flat on my a$$. and it HURTS. A lot! I am pretty sure I cracked my tail bone .. but have been told that there is nothing they can do about if even it I did. So, I have an inflatable donut the keeps deflating (I can only image what it would be like if I hadn't lost weight -- for both the donut and the tail bone).
Of course I didn't just hurt the ole butt bone .. I also sprained my wrist and my ankle. Just call me gimpy! Seriously ... I just sorta hobble along. Driving sucks. Working at home sucks ... well at least the part where I am supposed to sit in my chair for hours on end and type.
I had to stop my daily walks because it is just too painful, which means I have gained 4 pounds, just days before a major formal event that I am to be a presenter at. (I know that doesn't sounds like much, but it is just enough to make my sassy dress a little too snug for comfort!)

I know, I know, b*tch and moan, b*tch and moan. I can't help it.

It does get better though. Really.
This morning I went in for yet another dental surgery (I think this is the 3rd in a month - 6 weeks) ... I had to sit still in the dental chair for nearly three hours - and now my mouth is throbbing ... and although I have taken the perscribed pain meds, I can hardly stand the pain. I had 4 children without pain meds ... what gives?

So I can't eat. Well I can't chew. This should mean that I have a shot a losing the 4 pounds by Saturday night ... but somehow I doubt it when all I want is Banana Milkshakes. I tried them with Fat Free Frozen Yogurt but it just isn't the same.

It's not all bad though ...

I just finished reading a good book Wish by Melina Gerosa Bellows and started another The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri.

I only have two dental appointments left and then all of the bad (painful) work should be done.

I have been asked to cater 6 parties between now and new years ... and then a Valentines Day dinner. And I will actually make money on these.

AngelBaby is almost potty trained.

SweetiePie got an excellent report card.

LittleMiss is really blossoming in school.

Heartbreaker seems to be mellowing her teen angst. Just a wee bit, but I'll take it.

Mr. Farmer has been working overtime ... and while that makes it hard when I am feelin' some serious pain -- we need the serious ca$h!

I think I need a nap now ...

Frannie

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. Erma Bombeck

I [Paul] thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you [Timothy] in my prayers. 2 Timothy 1:3

So What.

2007-10-22T11:58:00.000-07:00

I am just feelin' a bit Snarky today ... of course no one does Snark better than Kari, but there is just no other way to describe my mood today.

1. My computer is so &^#%ing slow, I am going crazy just trying to type out a sentence or two.

2. It has been slow like this for months (part of the reason I don't post as often as I used to) and I don't know what to do about it. I have cleaned up all of the usual problem areas, but it doesn't seem to help much.

3. I am COLD. I don't like be cold. I don't like being hot, either ... but at the moment I am cold and that is what I am going to complain about.

4. My a$$ hurts. Yep, you read that right. I try not to dwell too much on the weight thing here -- and especially not in real life, because it tends to irritate people (which I totally get!) - but (no pun intended) since I have lost weight I have no actual a$$. I didn't have much of one to start with and it has completely disappeared at this point ... anywho ... I had the opportunity to sit on wooden chairs, metal bleachers and hard pavement all weekend - and my a$$ is bruised. I know long story ... but my work chair is also wooden and it hurts! Get a pillow - I KNOW - but I am feelin' Snarky, remember?

5. I have another migraine of this magnitude.

6. I had an appointment, that I rearranged everything else for, just call me to cancel - 30 freakin' minutes before we were to meet! Yes, that happens - I KNOW! It is usually me that must cancel .. but I am feelin' Snarky, remember?

7. LittleMiss got hurt this weekend -- MUCH DRAMA - and is home sick today, which really means that she is whining and making pitiful demands every 3-5 minutes. But I know the minute I ignore her pitiful request she will actually need something.

8. Mr. Farmers cousin is movin' .... from here to wayyyy over there ... which makes me sad, but at the moment (because I am Snarky) I am frustrated because they keep givin' us all of the ~~shit~~ valuable items they don't want to haul across the bloomin' country. hmnmm ... I thought that's what Goodwill was for. (And yes, we will be taking all their ~~shit~~ valuable items too Goodwill ourselves - once we know they are truly gone.)

9. I was supposed to get pumpkins for the gang this past weekend but it was raining so hard that I refused to go to the pumpkin patch (Because I am COLD) -- now I will have to head over to the local grocery store to pick up a few ugly-overpriced-probablychemicallygrown-hardashelltocarve pumpkins because we absolutelymusthavethemcan'tlivewithoutthem for tomorrows fall festival. Now normally Mr. Farmer plants us up a pumpkin patch of our own -- and then we seem to have volunteers growin' hither and yon, each year multiplying by dozens ... so this year he decided that he wouldn't plant any and just let the volunteers grow. Hmmm right, didn't happen. Not one single plant!

10. I have another dentist appointment this week. And while I know that they will not be removing any teeth (or bone matter) I am still freaking out. I can't believe how anxious I am about it.

It's not all bad though! Really! While I am feelin' Snarky today, I can still recognize the good goin' on!

1. My house isn't anywhere near a fire.

2. I got my hair cut -- and I like it!

3. I recently discovered Trader Joe's - Triple Ginger Snaps Cookies - I LOVE THEM! 6 cookies 136 calories ... they are great with tea or coffee and usually 3 or 4 hit the spot!

4. I got a paycheck from my new job and it was good.

5. One of my favorite bloggers is back in blogger land - Tiny Slice of Life - I hope she sticks around because I LOVE reading her.

6. Yesterday SweetiePie and I ventured out to look for some Halloween Costume accessories ... we went into a local thrift shop and I found this for $8.99!

7. My kids are too darned cute sometimes ... Although LittleMiss is whiny and AngelBaby is INTO EVERYTHING - they are just full of hugs and kisses for their MaaMaa today. SweetiePie called at lunch (could you call home when you were in elementary school?) to make sure that LittleMiss was ok! HeartBreaker is cusy breakin' hearts ... but I know she cares as much as a teenager-goin'on-twentyseven can.

8. This is a busy week ... and although I am certain it will tax me to no end, I am excited about the opportunities that will come from it. Namely, I will be cookin' for some important folks who just might bring me some steady (paying) business.

9. A good friend it comin' to visit in a few weeks. I haven't seen her in ages ... since life was not-so-good. I am excited to show her how things have changed - for the better.

10. Mr. Farmers new venture is going very well. He is happier than I have seen him in ages. That, alone, is a lot to be thankful for!

Hope this week brings you sunshine and warmth!

Frannie

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
Colossians 2:15

Thanks

2007-10-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

I only want to publicly say THANK YOU to those who have left me such sweet comments ...
most appreciated. That is why I don't stop. Because all 6 of you ROCK my world!

ramblings

2007-10-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

yep. here I am again.
Shocking really .. not so many days apart. But really it is simply the drunken ramblings of a
women who has not had drink in quite some time.

I am not going to spell check this ... there will be no grammar corrections. Take it or leave it.

Today was an uncomfortable day.

I know I am not the only one w/multiple groups of friends. friends that you may or MAY NOT want to meet each other ... ermmm talk to each other - about you. Sometimes those worlds are better left .... .... uncolided - is that a word?

yep, well today I had two worlds collide. completely unbeknownst to me, I had 2 friends who know and absolutely don't like one another, come together in my home. strange stuff. as Mr. Farmer said there was some fur aflyin' ... not really but the evil eye was workin' overtime ... and then I was asked to explain myself ... as if I planned this nightmare. What the heck?

Now, let me just say I am NOT 16, or even 20 or well even 30. Neither were these gals.... not that you would know it ... they acted like they were in middle school and wanted me to pick a side.

Stupid stuff. I just can't get over it. now I wonder if I should be friends with either.
YOu know I can't get into the details of things ... but just trust me ... it is STUPID!

DONE.

Frannie

Half an hour's meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy. Then a full hour is needed.-St. Francis de Sales

Flunkee

2007-10-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

Yep, I am flunking in Blogging 101!
I think about it.
I contemplate it.
Heck, I even dream about it every now and then ...
But, alas ... I just can't seem to do it.

I thought that once school started things would be easier ... slower. I would be able to complete more. Right, not so much.

I have been working hard. Every day is spent talking, talking, talking. Then following up from the talking with more talking. Let me just tell y'all that Frannie was NOT meant to be such a talker. It takes it all outta me.

Beyond that, last week everyone in the house was s.i.c.k! Even the animals. Let me just tell you ... a goat with a cough is NOT a pleasant sound.

I am still feeling pretty blah ... along with the horrid cough came a heart burn that just will not go away. And because of that, I can hardly eat a thing ... what gives.

Of course, the plus side of that (or lack there of ... teeheehee) is that I am now weighing in at about 145. The lowest I have weighed in decades!!! It kinda freaks me out a bit. I no longer even need to glance at the Big Girl section ... and although I enjoy that, the endless comments and ohhhs and ahhhs kinda get to me. I know that people mean well, but it doesn't always feel complimentary.

Oh well.

So, I am certain that I have LOST all 6 people who used to stop by this place ... my sitemeter concurs ... I hope that you will stop by again. I will try to stay on top of things ... my goal is once a week. I just need to get a schedule. RIGHT, like that is going to happen.

Part of the problem is that my computer is as slow as molasses. I can not do more than 1 or 2 things at a time and Blogger seems to suck all of the power out of my computer. And since the new gig requires some serious computer work, blogging comes in at about 10th place.

I have admit I haven't even been able to read lately, which makes me sad.

Ok, so I just have vent on the Britney thing ... well, I don't know about venting ... but I just gotta say .. I know the girl is messed up, true enough - but dang, all of the cameras around me every single day would make me nuts too. I can not imagine being surrounded just trying to get into a Target or Taco Bell. Please ... these people need to leave the girl alone. I doubt that she is ever going to heal until she gets away from it. I really think Demi Moore needs to sweep in and take Brit-Brit off to her ranch (or whatever) and talk to her about privacy. Now, I am not saying that Demi has done a perfect job with her kids ... but at least Demi and Bruce were mostly outta the lime-light when the kids were small ... I'm just sayin'.

And while I am at it ... Christina Aguilera pregnant, she is a cute enough girl and good for her and whatshisname, but yikes ... the girl needs slow down on the makeup. Her skin is going be terrible when she is old, like me. And I know what I am sayin', being a girl of the ummm Glam Makeup era. I just hope that she uses a GREAT product to remove all of that at the end of the night. The thing is, I have seen pics of her with out it and ... she still looks cute. I wonder if whatshisname ever tells her that?

Well, anywho ... we are off to the Pumpkin Patch today ... normally we grow the pumpkins ourselves ... but this year ... well, lets just say that Mr. Farmer was all gourded out.

Hope fall is treating you well.

Come back and visit ....

Frannie

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
Erma Bombeck

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.
Marie Curie (French Physicist, twice winner of the Nobel Prize, 1867-1934)

I will show my greatness and my holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations. Then they will know that I am the LORD.
Ezekiel 38:23

Down but not out

2007-09-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

The days seem to be speeding by at rapid pace. I can hardly keep my head above water and there doesn't seem to be a day that I don't have too many *tasks* on my to-do list.

I keep waiting for things to slow down ... but they don't.
I keep waiting until I have something witty enough to write about ... but I generally forget the moments before I get to the computer.
I am spending so much time working on my computer that I don't necessarily feel like playing on my computer when I am done.

Mr. Farmer and I did take a moment out for some fun last weekend ... we went on a real date. Something we truly have not done in YEARS. It was very nice, however to protect the innocent I am going to have to spare you the details ...

I have been a cooking fool lately. Well I guess I have always been a cooking fool ... but I have been cooking at a foolish pace the past few weeks. Much ado has been made about my food, so we'll see where that goes!

We are in full swing with the school year and everyone seems to be adjusting. Well, except for AngelBaby who doesn't like the fact that she doesn't get to go to school ... Soon enough baby, soon enough.

My new job is going well ... successfully. It isn't really as part time as it is supposed to be ... but it is OK. I think I can get it down to part time with more experience.

I miss reading blogs. Isn't that sad? I can't tell you how often I compare something to a post I have read in one of your blogs ... I will get back to it - soon enough baby, soon enough :)

Hope life is good.

Frannie

I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most. ~ Bob Dylan

The most successful people are those who are good at plan B. ~ James Yorke

For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.
1 Peter 3:18

On the mend

2007-09-14T18:37:00.000-07:00

I am finally on the mend. After copious amounts of pain meds and antibiotics ... I am at this moment beginning to feel human ... at least marginally.

If you are into books that completely freak you out -- read The Mephisto Club by Tess Gerritsen. I stayed up until 2am this morning to finish this book and it freaked the heck outta me. I am sure at least part of it is because of the pain meds ... but, I am not sure this book came to my bookshelf (probably one of those book club thingys that I forgot to decline) -- but I will send it to the first person who asks ... I don't want to keep it. It is well written ... but creepy. I am still kinda jumpy from it today.

I think I will read something light and airy next ... any suggestions? It may take a book - or ten -- to get that one out of my thoughts.

Anywho ... I cancelled all of my weekend plans and I intend to just stay in and rest. My body seems to be worn out from the battle I had this week.

Hope that you have something fun and exciting to do ... or at least rich in rewards to you!

Blessings,
Frannie

The best of a book is not the thought which it contains,but the thought which it suggests;just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones but in the echoes of our hearts.~ Oliver Wendell Holmes ~

God "will give to each person according to what he has done." To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. Romans 2:6-7

P.A.I.N.

2007-09-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

So, the tooth came out.

As did some bone matter.

Now I have dry socket and an infection. and it hurts like hell! Seriously I would rather give birth, sans drugs, all alone in the forest than feel this pain! One side of my face is so swollen I can barely see ... yes, I am vision!

I can't talk because my jaw is in permanent clenched mode ... this, in particular, is creating a rather desperate situation since my new job requires me to be on the phone 4-6 hours a day ... besides I can't yell at the children -- and that is certainly a tragedy!

The pain meds aren't working ... the dentists advise (and I quote) gobble more honey. Who tells you to gobble pain meds? Ok, they're the pro-fess-ion-al! I gobble away and now feel sick to my stomach .. which could be the infection.

This sucks. HUGE!

I do have to add that AngelBaby is especially sweet to me though ... she keeps trying to kiss Momma and make it all better ... the down side is that her *love language* is touch and she LOVES to pat my cheeks ... o.u.c.h.

Frannie

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. - Mae West

Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. Nehemiah 9:5

Hangin' on by a shoe string ...

2007-09-07T13:06:00.001-07:00

Which might be ok if I actually wore shoes with strings ... instead I am still wearin' my flip-flops (YES! after Labor day and until the last possible minute I can!) and they are drastically close to fallin' off.

I am bone tired. I am as discombobulated as I have ever been. I don't think I actually speak in full sentences these days ... and I am quite literally falling apart.

I lost half of a tooth this week -- let me tell you how much that hurts ... it is both physically painful - and painful to the ego! I feel sorta like a hillbilly, losin' a tooth. You can't see it ... but I know it's there (or rather not there) and I am sooo self conscious. Of course I went to the dentist, which I HATE. And, of course, they want to save the tooth ... which, of course, would cost an arm and a leg ... I would need a root canal, a crown and some other fancy gum surgery. Ok, there is only about 30% of the actual tooth left ... so, I can spend a fortune ($2500-$3000) to *rebuild* a tooth that is hardly there -- or -- I can spend $200 to remove the tooth that is k.i.l.l.i.n.g. me! hmmmmm - tough choice. This particular tooth is a molar .. so I don't think I will miss is much.

Anywho .... sorry to get a graphic on y'all!

Besides the tooth, I can feel my bones achin' in a way the have never ached before. Age! Things really (really, really, really) change after 35. Although I weigh less than I have weighed in decades, all of my current weight is in completely different places than it was the last time I was at this weight. I thought I would have more energy if I weighed less ... not so much. I would still really appreciate a daily nap -- if I could actually take one!

This upcoming week I have a meeting or activity every single day! Including Saturday and Sunday! I almost want to take a nap now, just thinkin' about it.

I did finish a few books this week that left me wanting to know more ... My Enemy the Queen by Victoria Holt,Philippa Carr & others, Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, and The Queen's Secret - Jean Plaidy.

School has started. The kids are mostly happy about it. AngelBaby is NOT happy to be left behind ... but she does appreciate the one-on-one mommy time.

I wish I could write more, but I can't even think straight ....

Frannie

“A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted. You should live several lives while reading it.” William Styron

Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the LORD your God. Leviticus 19:31

So, you think you can do it all ...

2007-09-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

There is little irony that I started this post So, you think you can do it all? weeks ago and was not only unable to complete it but I didn't get any farther than what I considered a witty title. Sad.

I was really aiming for a post that might accurately describe the overwhelming life I am attempting to perfect. I dreamt that I would awe you with the countless tasks that fill my day. Perhaps humor you with the clever banter of my sweet angel babies as I attempt to work from home.

Right ... not so much. I couldn't make it any farther than that darned witty title.

So where has Frannie been? hmmm ... let's see ... I recently started a glorifying job with a local Christian group. Let me just tell you how much that thrills me -- Yeehaw is a the word. I have the ability to make a, much needed, income - I get to do works for GOD and I am still able to stay home with my kids ... easy, right?

Well, of course it is in theory. I know that you Work-at-home-moms are laughin' your pants off at Frannie right now ... she thinks it's easy to work from home -- with kids ... hahahahahaha! Yeah, I get it. There is nothing easy about working from home with kids -- especially if you are supposed to spend your day on the telephone. We all know the drill .. the minute mom gets on the phone the house catches on fire, someone has an accident, the other one is hungry, and everyone needs your undivided attention right this minute.

Now add to this sweet scenario the current family requirements, the other new job I took on and the plethora of volunteer commitments that I have pledged to keep this year and I am one exhausted - and torn gal! Oh, and the newest gig is supposed to be a part time obligation -- but in all actuality - it is more like full time.

But I am doing my very best not to complain ... lest Mr. Farmer kick me off of the homestead or send me to the funny farm (there are days that this idea seems like a great vacation ... but white is just not my color!) I am really am thankful for the opportunities that keep coming my way - my only question is why do they all have to come a the same time? Feast or famine ... or when it rains it just pours and pours and pours ... I just don't seem to have a big enough bucket to catch all of the falling rain.

But heck, simplicity isn't my thing anyway ... I am far better at chaos than calm ... even when I was a workin' gal. I tended to thrive -- excel even -- when things seemed out of control. Things haven't changed much. In the long run I have always been better off after times of great challenge. I just have to remind myself to slow down once and a while and appreciate the glorious things that God has given me ... my children, my husband, our lovely home ... a fantastic church family ... I need to find the balance between sloth and chaos, listen to my internal clock, know when to disengage and take a personal time out. Maybe in another 30 years I'll figure that out.

Frannie

The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.
EuripidesGreek tragic dramatist (484 BC - 406 BC)

I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.
When mine enemies are turned back, they shall fall and perish at thy presence.
For thou hast maintained my right and my cause; thou satest in the throne judging right.
Psalms 9:2-4

Busy, business,balance

2007-08-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

I am tired.

I have bitten on far more than I can chew and I can't seem to find a way - or an appropriate place - to spit it out.

not only am I immersed in my its-summer-&-mommy-must-entertain-y'all job ... but i have also started not one but TWO work at home jobs ... as well as amped up the volunteer work that i already do ... yep, I'm nuts. thank you very much for asking! (and should i mention that i am typing right now -- at 11pm -- with a child on my lap??)

I miss blogging. i miss being able to express myself somewhere - truthfully. not like i speak so eloquently here .. but i am truthful -- not so easy to do in my current environment.

.... i am on day 3 of trying to finish this post ... it is Thursday now and i woke up in tears -- never a good thing. i am probably going to start my (.) but since my cycle is all messed up i am not certain ... but i am typing with a kid on the lap again and that doesn't help.

my kids don't start school for a few weeks yet and in theory we should be enjoying the last days of a lovely summer ... but for some reason the lovely summer skipped over us this year and we have had mostly dreary weather -- of course nothing like Texas and their Tropical Storm Erin worries .. but it is yucky for us none the less.

have you hear about the 12-Year-Old Girl who got Liposuction? Tell me that isn't nuts ...

my computer is acting up again - i have a feeling that SweetiePie has been downloading some games she should not ...

i should be working right now. i just don't wanna. i have been working all week and had one event or another to attend to this week (during the evening - so at least Mr. Farmer was home and i didn't have to take kids with me .... )

i need to find balance.

bAlaNcE... hmmm. wonder what that looks like?

Frannie

Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away. Barbara De Angelis

There’s no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves. Frank Herbert (I feel that waves and I think I am seasick! ~ Frannie)

But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners. Matthew 9:13

Fat girl mind, skinny girl body.

2007-08-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

Do you suffer from it? Have you ever?

I wouldn't say I am skinny now ... the charts say that at under 5' 5" at 152 pounds I am slightly overweight. Now, if and when I hit 148 I will be considered healthy. Wow .. what a difference 4 pounds makes.

It has been quite a journey ... starting out the fat girl; at 230+ pounds the charts said I was Severely Obese, only one pound (one fricken pound) away from being Morbidly Obese. Well, thank heavens I put that last Pepsi down and changed my wicked ways ...

But here is the real deal ... no matter how much weight I lose, regardless of the new smaller size ... I still feel like the fat girl. I just can't help it. I still gravitate to the XXL in the store ... still look at the clothes in the window of the Big Girl Store ... even though I am officially out of the BG sizes .. it just doesn't matter ... I can't help it. I still feel big. Fat really. The mommy tummy doesn't help ... at all.

I don't know where I am going with all of this ... I do know that I have been trying to go there for well over a week - I keep coming back to this post, changing a word or two and then just saving ... (I am glad that the new Blogger automatically saves changes because I have been known to wander off and forget to save and them BLAM ... all is lost).

Anywho ... I guess where I am right now ... is that I am not in a club. Ya know? I am certainly not in the Skinny Girl Club but I have also been ostracized from the Fat Girl Club. My friends that are still in TFGC now, with fake smile intact, say things like 'hey skinny … do you even eat anymore' - or – 'she can't have that, she's on a diet'. (Like I have to prove to them I will still eat good/bad food). And if I actually decline something they act put out or try to talk me into it. They almost act as if I have betrayed them.

But I am not skinny … so it isn’t as if I can actually join that club either. How is it that a near middle-aged woman can still feel so high-schoolish?

Ok, I know I am ranting ... but this is really bugging me ... and maybe it is bugging me because I am wondering if I was like that when I was in TFGC ... I like to think not ... but misery does love company and I was a fairly miserable fat girl.

Frannie

Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends. -- Cindy Lew

It's not what you do once in a while, it's what you do day in and day out that makes the difference. -- Jenny Craig

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
Mark 10:13-14

I am ...

2007-07-18T20:28:00.000-07:00

Fickle.

When it is hot, I wish it were cool.
When it is cold, I wish for the heat.

When my children are noisy, I wish they were quite -- yet when they are, something is missing.

Blogging -- I want others to read what I am posting and yet I am not so good anymore at reading others.

Work -- I need to, but I don't really want to.

Sleep -- when I can't I want to. When I can -- I always do something else.

Exercise -- ditto.

Fads -- I seem to latch on to things (and people) quickly, only to change pace the minute the wind blows in a new direction.

Socializing -- I often tell people to call me, but when they do - I don't answer. I want to socialize ... however when the time comes, I would rather stay in.

Tagged

2007-07-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

Well, it isn't shocking that in my absence I have been tagged. Darlin' Ramblin' Rose who lives across the sea or is it the ocean? I am so not good at geography! Anywho, I am sure that Rose thought I needed some posting inspiration …

Here goes ...

Each player starts with 7 random facts about themselves on their Blog. People who are tagged need to blog 7 facts about themselves and post the rules as well. At the end of the post list 7 people you are tagging. Let them know they are tagged by leaving them a comment.

1. I do completely suck at geography and history -- but have a steel trap brain when it comes to useless pop-culture junk.

2. I really think I put my contracts in the wrong eyes this morning -- everything is fuzzy/blurry. I have done this before but when I tried to switch them today, it didn't seem to help ... I am also wondering if it is because when I went to put them in this morning I realized I didn't add any solution to them last night and they were hard .. so I added the solution and in 20 minutes they were OK to wear -- but they probably aren't clean are they? Hmmmm... is this random enough for you Rose ?

3. I have a really bad habit of painting my nails (finger and toes) and then almost instantly picking off the polish. Back when I was a career gal I always had acrylic nails and I didn't have this issue ... but I haven't had such glamour in many years.

4. I think if I had been born a decade (or so) earlier I would have been a hippie biker b*tch. I am always secretly envious when I see those gals on the back or a Harley or in one of those cool VW Vans.

5. The longer I am a stay-at-home-mom the more convinced I am that I will never be savvy enough to re-enter the professional work place. And the less I think I want to.

6. I can not stand the feeling of folding warm towels. Something about the texture makes my skin crawl. This is, of course, a huge issue in a household of our size. I also hate to clean out the lint trap for the dryer - same reason - much to Mr. Farmer's consternation.

7. For the first time in probably 25 years, I think I am sporting my natural hair color ... at least mostly, since I haven't done the Miss Clairol thing for at least 4 months or so ... amazingly it isn't too bad.

Now for 7 tagee's

Coffee House Chatter - Trish
Naive Helga
T Girl
QueenB2U
TTQ
Equipped to Fascinate
Jenster

and of course anyone else who might want to partake ...

Also, I am thinking of running a contest to give away my new, gently read The Starter Wife book. What do y'all think?? I know Manic Mom has done such contests to increase readership ... which I could use ... any thoughts??

Frannie

Knowing that we are fulfilling God's purpose is the only thing that really gives rest to the restless human heart. --Charles Colson

Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.-- Al Batt

The people served the LORD throughout the lifetime of Joshua and of the elders who outlived him and who had seen all the great things the LORD had done for Israel.
Judges 2:7

Is it Friday again, already?

2007-07-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yikes, the days are flying by .. and yet I can not even begin to describe what we have been up to.
Nothing major ... just the daily grind of summer.

We have had a heat wave in our area, a rare occurrence for sure. It messed with every one's (think: KIDS!) sleep patterns and we all appear to be slightly drugged during the day. It is cooling down now though and I think we will live.

One major accomplishment this week -- I have been asked to apply for a position, with a Christian organization, that would allow me to work from home. The pay is good - the caveat is that I would need to be on the telephone at least 3 hours a day and I am just not sure I can keep the ~~monsters~~ children quite for that long ... but we are truly at the point that I must do something for an income and this is a great opportunity that seems to be a fit for what I deem my calling. I will be speaking to the VP on Monday ... wish me luck.

I plucked -- in case you were wondering ... I did it. I am still a little shell shocked about the episode and continue to check the hairs on my head to see if there are any greys ...

Can you believe all of the emphasis that is being placed on the The Beckhams moving to the States? I can't get over ... it seems a little sick to me. That and the coverage of Eva & Tony's Wedding Swag. Come on ...

I have hit the weight loss plateau ... frustrating, it seems that no matter what I do I just can't get past this current weight -- I know that I am far better off than I was a year ago, but I would like to get into the 140's -- I would settle for 148 (then if I had water weight I might manage to stay below 150) ... I am at 154-157 these days - considering that I was 230+ when I started this mission, I know I am doing good -- but again I would really like to be in the 140's before I hit the big 4-0! Ok, enough.

I just finished a book about Lana Turner. Boy was she an interesting gal. I am not sure what prompted the read ... I think it was LittleMiss picking out library books for MaaMaa again ... but now I, of course, want to know more.

I also finished Jemima J by Jane Green - a good read ...
Jemima is umm ... a big girl. A really big girls at just shy of 100 pounds overweight.
Her roommates are rude social climbers who treat her like a servant. Her best friend (at work only) is the beautiful Geraldine. They work at the Kilburn Herald where the far less talented Geraldine gets Jemima to do her most important columns and, again of course, never thinks to give Jemima credit -- not that it would matter much with her sexist boss.
She is in love with Ben ... the handsome hunk at work who lusts after Geraldine and scarcely notices Jemima ...

The rest of the story includes Internet dating and romance - much weight loss, a move across the ocean ... a complete transformation of Jemima - inside and out. It is a funny book - but there are some sad and serious moments too ...

It vaguely reminds me of a older Oprah Book Club book called She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb, also a good book - a bit more tragic and graphic -- ok, maybe not the same at all ... but when I read Jemima, I couldn't help thinking of Dolores. Has anyone else read She's Come Undone? It was a great weight loss inspiration for me when I read it ... maybe I will explain why later ...

I just realized that it is Friday the 13th ... hmmm ... are you superstitious?

I can hear AngelBaby upstairs repeating (over and over and over) bye SweetiePie, I looovvee you ... Oh, it makes my heart glad -- especially since SweetiePie continues to say bye, I loovvee you too ... They have their good days. Perhaps that is my Friday the 13th!

Well, I know that I haven't been a good blogger, nor a good blogger friend -- I have only skimmed most of your blogs lately -- except for you TTQ I continue to worry about your health and hope that you are ok -- the rest of you I SO COMPLETELY MISS, but can not seem to get things together enough to comment ... I know I have apologized about this numerous times here ... so I won't blather on ... just know that I will be around and hopefully I will, some day, be back in full swing -- whatever that is.

Blessings to you and yours,

Frannie

There are years that ask questions and years that answer. -- Zora Neale Hurston

Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.-- E. H. Chapin

You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you. -Dan Millman

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

Not by the hair on my chiny chin chin.

2007-07-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

Well, it has officially happened. I have entered the club.

Some of you know it, some of you will and some of you adamantly deny knowing about the club.

You see, this morning I was wearily looking in the mirror .. contemplating a pluck or two in the eyebrow area and doing the overall facial scan ... come on, you know you do it too! No new blemishes, my cheeks are quite rosy since I got completely and utterly sun burnt yesterday ... anywho different story ... so I am checking away when I notice something foreign on my chin, well actually under my chin ... you can just imagine my shock! I don't yet have any of those upper lip hairs that some of my friends mention. Nor do I have any of those pesky grey hairs that I have hear of (not that I can tell at least -- thank you very much Miss Clairol). I did, while gestating AngleBaby, sprout some super pale, ultra soft peach fuzz in the side-burn area ... but it disappeared promptly after birth ...

As usual, I digress .... so here I am staring at this nearly 1/2 inch hair sticking out of my chin. Where the heck did that thing come from? It wasn't there yesterday. How did it get so long so quickly??

So, I plucked away. Does that mean that I will get 2 or ten back? Oh my heavens ... I hope not.

Is this the beginning of the rapid aging process? I am too young for that, aren't I? I am not yet 40! Doesn't your body got to hell after 40? Not before?

Ironically, I am just finishing up The Estrogen Underground: Reinvention, so I guess I was subconsciously preparing myself for this aging process ... or did I curse myself by reading up on it??

Hmmmm .... something to thing about.

Frannie

Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well. --Josh Billings

Good habits are as easy to form as bad ones. -- Tim McCarver

In him [Jesus our Lord] and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. Ephesians 3:12

180.

2007-07-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

This is my 180th post. I can hardly believe it, really. What have I been talkin' about?

Mostly randomness I think. Which is fine, since it pretty much sums up my life ... complete randomness.

I am starting to get over that gutted feeling. Nothing that a few days away from children wouldn't cure, I guess.

That's right, Frannie flew the coop and took some much needed personal time. I traveled to a land far, far away ... no I didn't vacation with Fiona and Shrek ... but instead attended a women's retreat in another state.

It was great. Moving. Tiring. Exhilarating. Overwhelming. Incredibly motivating!

I couldn't wait to get home and now I am ready to leave again. Isn't that how it works? You miss those darned kidlets so much (the hubby too) and then you return to them only to discover that they get on your nerves in about 2.5 minutes ... well maybe not that quickly, but close.

Anywho ... I heard some of the most motivational speakers I have ever heard, some of the saddest (girl, you think your life is messed up - wrong!) life tales, and some of the most useful wisdom that a woman could ask for.

I heard a woman named Tammy Trent speak, and her story rocked my soul. I suppose you could say that she had the perfect life, if there is such a thing ... Tammy is a Christian artist who was married to the man of her dreams (Trent) she had a very successful singing career and a great love for God.

In 2001 her perfect life crumbled. Trent dove into the beautiful waters of Jamaica and never resurfaced. The following day her family, who were desperately trying to join and comfort her, sat trapped in the states ... horrified as the terror of 9/11 developed.

Can you imagine? Me neither. Just when I think things couldn't get worse, they do. But they have never gotten to that point. And through it all, she has managed to keep her faith in Christ and help others ... all with humor.

Her book Learning to Breathe Again now sits on my bedside table ... waiting. I will read it next. I am just gearing up for it, I am pretty sure I will not stop crying (and occasionally laughing) through the entire thing ...

There is more to tell ... and I will. But if you have a chance, check out Tammy's website, you might love her as much as I do.

Frannie

It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or time or fortune, but just yourself that kept things from you.
Lillian Hellman

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

Prayer

2007-06-26T16:40:00.000-07:00

Please stop by my friend TTQ's blog ... she is in need of prayers today.

Gutted

2007-06-26T15:35:00.000-07:00

Dictionary.com
gut·ted, gut·ting, guts
* To remove the intestines or entrails of; eviscerate.
* To extract essential or major parts of: gut a manuscript.
* To destroy the interior of: Fire gutted the house.

Urban Dictionary
1.Gutted

1) Bad luck
2) Shame
3) Ouch

Today I absolutely understand why the British (English, whatever) use the term gutted ... it so aptly describes the loss that I feel right now.

Some great friends of ours have gone and moved ... they didn't chose to, but it was one of the inevitable things - work. Move or find a new job. They moved.

I watched them drive away today and I felt gutted. A huge loss ... for my family, for the community. I cried, my children cried, Mr. Farmer got something stuck in his eye. They cried too.

We, of course, will make new friends. In time. So will they. They are moving to a nice neighborhood, into a much larger house ... they are getting many perks for the move - because his company knows he doesn't want to go. But they'll have it easier .. they have done it before. Many times.

I haven't - we haven't. They were our first friends when we moved to our new community. They instantly welcomed us and our dysfunction. We all hit it off ... bonding in a genuine, long lasting way -- not like the friend dating that I have mentioned before. (Can anyone tell me how to link back to previous posts?) We have spent many holidays together, bailed each other out too many times to count and not once gotten angry at each other ... that says something.

I am looking (trying) on the bright side, we will have people to visit in a State we have never before been. I hope to go one day ... sooner rather than later.

Yes, I feel gutted today ... but it could be worse. Just look at the headlines ... it could be so much worse!

Frannie

The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired.

No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.
Robert Southey

Proverbs 27:1-6
1 Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring forth.

2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
someone else, and not your own lips.

3 Stone is heavy and sand a burden,
but provocation by a fool is heavier than both.

4 Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,
but who can stand before jealousy?

5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Flattery will get you everywhere

2007-06-20T10:49:00.000-07:00

How could I not post today when Jagular had such kind words for my previous post??

I'm lovin' it.
This is the kind of post that keeps me coming back to your blog.
You have a knack for capturing the moment with clarity, yet brevity.
Don't worry about trying to come up with the "perfect" thing to write about.
Just be yourself.

Well, I have to be honest and say that my heart skipped a beat when I read that ... it absolutely made my day ...

that and this email:

Dear Frannie, xxxxx, xxxxxxx, xxx, and xxxxxx,
Even though ALL of you got the answer to the quote wrong, you have each won a copy of Skye's book, Rock Star Momma. (The answer is Joely Fisher!)
Please send your mailing address to ........ so she can send it to you.
You're gonna love it!
Danielle
Publisher, President
Celebrity Baby Blog Inc.

How cool is that? Like I said yesterday, I never, ever, ever win anything .. and now twice in a month I have won super cool stuff ... y'all know how much I love to read and now I will have another terrific book to report on! and my toes and fingers look terrific too!

ok ... now for some randomness ...

I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Although I think I was fairly h.o.t. at 19 it was such a difficult time in my life ... and I am certain the lives of many of the girls around me. I realized yesterday that 19 hasn't really changed that much since I was 19 some ... urgh ... not quite 20 years (effin' yikes!) ... a young girl I know called me in tears yesterday - and while I won't give the details, I can only say that young girls can be quite mean -- my sweet friend was abandoned by her friends when she was really counting on them, but their self-centeredness got in the way.
I feel bad for her but am sooo glad that it isn't me.

However, I was able to use my most recent friend issue as a lesson for her ... how certain people come into your life just when you least expect it, but likely need them most ... she stayed the night with us and cried on my shoulder (I am sooo bloomin' tired) and feels miles better this morning ...

queenb2u asked about pet peeves (the easiest one of all her suggestions) ...
* people who attempt to use big words that they don't know the meaning of
* when someone says they can only hurt you if you let them.
* bad breath
* cellphone use in a restaurant
* people who are rude to nice service people (in restaurants, retail, dr.s office, etc.) - yelling at them won't help your situation!
* lairs, braggarts, haters and pushy sales people
* the end of a good book
* when people say that tap water tastes the same as bottled water
* people who feel compelled to give me parenting advise (generally in the grocery store when AngelBaby is acting out -- especially when they assume she is my only child and say something like just wait till she's a teenager ... yea, thanks!)
* Forwarded emails
* Garages that take up the entire front of house - garages aren't pretty, houses can be
* when dollar bills aren't facing the same direction (too many years in retail)
* when the cashier/waiter/barista assumes that they can keep the change
and of course
* those who assume that just because I am a SAHM mom;
I can watch their kids anytime
run miscellaneous errands for them
exercise whenever I want
read or watch TV all day
that I have the time or desire to peddle whatever they are trying to hawk
I don't have an education

OK -- there you go .. I could go on but ... I think I have said enough!

Frannie

I don't have pet peeves, I have whole kennels of irritation. ~ Whoopi Goldberg

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. Ralph Waldo Emerson

We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Thessalonians 1:12

Complete and utter randomness

2007-06-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

Well .. here I am. Once again trying to be a proficient blogger ... am I alone in the feeling that, as a mom, I can do many things adequately, but I can not seem to master anything?

I doubt it ... but why do so many other mom's seem to have it so much more together?

Random comments ...

Mr. Farmer: Do you trust your radar to tell you when you have too much going on?
Me: You mean like having too much laundry to do - or too many people to feed - or ... ?
Mr. Farmer: Well...ummm...I meant more like your outside activ ...
Me: Because I am definitely feelin' the radar with your laundry.

Me: AngelBaby, stop hitting your sister, you must behave.
AngelBaby: (wailing) MaaMaa I don't wanna behave, I wanna be AngelBaby.

Diva3 (friends daughter): Mrs. Farmer, I see that you have a couple of tattoo's.
Me: Well, Diva3, I do have two tattoo's, but I waited until I was a grown up to get them.
Diva3: We aren't allowed to have two tattoo's OR two-pieced swimsuits.
Me: We aren't allowed to have two-pieced swimsuits either.
Diva3: How come your tattoo has a two-piece on then?

hmmmmm.

Random Stuff ...

I am not sure why the spacing is off on with blogger ... as I type it automatically double-spaces everything. I then go into the HTML and delete the spacing ... what gives?

Gmail - for the last two days I can access my Gmail account(s) but can not actually access the emails ... I can delete them if I want to but I can't read them ... what gives?

Potty training: while we were camping Angelbaby managed to use the at least 90% of the time. Since we returned home -- she is about 50% ... what gives?

New Addiction: R.W. Garcia Salsa Fresca Tortilla Chips. I think I should just finish off the bag and be done with it, the are sooo darned good - they are calling me from across the house! I know what gives!

Books ...
My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult.
I am not quite done yet, but I have to say that Jodi is turning into one of my favorite authors. I love her stuff!!!

The Starter Wife - by Gigi Levangie Grazer.
So darned funny. Mr. Farmer is even reading it right now .. he thinks it's hilarious! I actually WON the book and an entire The Starter Wife Survival Kit! from Seriously? OMG! WTF?!!!! I never, ever, ever win anything .. and this is the coolest thing EVER!

The Postcard - by Beverly Lewis. -
An Amish woman, Rachel loses her husband and son in a tragic accident. She returns to her aging parents with her young daughter, resigning herself to the life of a widow. She takes over the family run a bed-and-breakfast in a quaint Lancaster county town.
Things aren't always what they seem ... this is a really great book - SweetiePie and I are reading it together and it has some great lessons ...

Soapsuds by Finola Hughes and Digby Diehl.
Well written - pretty much what I would expect from a soap actress ... it does make you wonder if Finola is mimicking the cast and crew from General Hospital or All My Children.
Digby has written books with Natalie Cole, Esther Williams, as well as a few on his own.

Questions ... queenb2u had a couple of good ideas for me to write about ... some of my hopes or dreams, favorite people or pet peeves ... I think I will take her up on the challenge this week ... Jenster is working in riveting which I like the idea of ... Anyone else?

May you all have a TERRIFIC Tuesday!

Frannie

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future. ~Richard Jeni

Quirky is sexy, like scars or chipped teeth. I also like tattoos - they're rebellious. ~Jennifer Aniston

My body is a journal in a way. It's like what sailors used to do, where every tattoo meant something, a specific time in your life when you make a mark on yourself, whether you do it yourself with a knife or with a professional tattoo artist. ~ Johnny Depp

Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit." John 3:5

I'm back.

2007-06-15T14:46:00.000-07:00

And both rested and worn out ... if that is possible.

We had a good time - not projectile vomiting (Thank God) this time. No one got a fever, no on got hurt ... and Frannie ate almost everything she wanted and didn't gain any weight -- I call that a successful trip :)

I didn't get the tan that I was hoping for, as we experienced a fair share of rain, but we stayed dry and I got to read a couple of good books ... and did I mention that I got to eat almost everything I wanted?

Of course I cam back to chaos ... year end stuff for school; 3 catering gigs this week and a messy, messy, MESSY house compliments of Mr. Farmer.

I know that I won't be able to post this weekend -- but I am looking forward to telling you about the books I read, as well as some really great new recipes I made up! And I would say that I look forward to answering your questions to me -- but NO ONE ASKED ANY. What gives there? I was really hoping you would give me some good blogging vibes .... ah well.

I hope all is GREAT with all of you!

~ Yours,
Frannie

Success gravitates toward those who are perceived to be successful. Regardless of how you feel within, you must emanate success if you want to attract people to your cause. - Jeff Herman

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. Mark 6:34

Heading out.

2007-06-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

I am taking a much needed vacation.

Relief?

Sort of.

I am heading out, just me and the kids ... 5 days in the mountains. Camping. I may be crazy, but I just need to get away for a bit.

I won't have cell phone access, much less internet access (that and I don't have a lap top, so it doesn't matter too much!). So, I won't be able to read your wonderful blogs, I won't get to find out if Nicole Richie is pregnant and no access to Paris Prison Updates or the truth behind Jennifer Aniston dating a British model ... not to mention LiLo, Brit or infamous Angelina Jolie quotes.

Sad, I know.

I hope to come back refreshed and more able to focus ... although I could come back a complete basket case ... who know!

OK, so in the meantime ... have you ever had a question you wanted to ask Frannie? Now is the time -- give me your toughest stuff ... what do you want to know? I will do my best to asnwer ...

Peace!

Frannie

“Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods” - CS Lewis

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb .... and I also know that I'm not blonde.-Dolly Parton

Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever.
Psalm 28:9

Frannie's Fixin's & Cookin' Tips

2007-06-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

Tip of the Day
Want Streak Free Windows? Try this ...
Aftering washing them, dry one side from right to left, and then on the other side, dry with strokes going up and down. Then check the window, and if there's a streak, you'll more easily be able to see it.

Zesty Lime Chicken

What you need:
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/8 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon Mexican paprika
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/8 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon dried parsley
1 small onion chopped
1/2 pound mushrooms sliced
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, sliced – or you can use the frozen chicken tenders from Costco.

2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 teaspoons garlic powder
½ cup lime juice or 1 cup Baja Bob's Original Margarita Mix (to taste)
4-6 limes sliced

What you do:
In a small bowl, mix together salt, black pepper, and all spices. Sprinkle spice mixture generously over chicken breasts.

Heat butter and olive oil in a large heavy skillet over medium heat. Sauté onion and mushrooms until tender. Add chicken until golden brown (approx 7-10 minutes). Sprinkle with 2 teaspoons garlic powder and lime juice. Cook 5 minutes, stirring frequently to coat evenly.
Add 1-2 sliced limes and leave on low heat for approximately 10 minutes.

In my house we serve this over warmed corn tortillas, adding rice and cheese as desired and then squeeze fresh lime juice over them.

This is a great summer dish, as the chicken can be served warm or cold. The limes give it a zing … add your favorite Margarita and make it a Fiesta!

You can also throw it all in a crock pot and let it cook for the day, just add more lime juice or Margarita mix for moisture.

Here's to great eats and a great week ...
Frannie

Let’s not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God. -Henri Nouwen

It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.- John Steinbeck, author

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?
Romans 10:14

Cheetos and Popsicles for breakfast.

2007-05-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

Earth mother I am not ... just yesterday I was telling Mr. Farmer that I wanted to go more organic with our food ... growing more of our own fruits and veggies and making sure that we really check out what we are feeding our children.

Ha!

So, venture now to this morning ... nothing has changed - the head still hurts and I am tired of being stuck inside with the kids ... it is lovely outside, but the sunshine actually hurts and there must be some sort of construction near by because I can hear loud machine noises.

AngelBaby had a slight fever last night and this morning and was generally cranky ... so when she asked for a Popsicle for breakfast, who was I to deny her. Now, in my defence they are Dreyer's Fruit Bars - with REAL FRUIT. That's what the box said ....

While I was trying to settle AngelBaby down, LittleMiss was yelling (and I do mean yelling) that she wanted breakfast and could she have mumble, mumble, mumble ... which I should have known was not a good option, but I am tired of arguing so I gave her my reluctant consent.

After getting AngelBaby all set up -- it is serious work to enable a toddler to eat a popsicle (fruit bar ... whatever) with out turning everything in a 4 foot radius the same color as said popsicle -- anywho ... I get her set up with towels surrounding her and go to check on LittleMiss ...

Yea, girlfriend had completely torn into a bag of Cheetos - yep, the ones with extra cheese - which equals extra mess. Now, on the plus side; they were Baked Cheetos and it was a small bag vs. the Costco sized bag that we sometimes purchase ... However, is it just me or do they add extra of the cheese flavoring to the Baked Cheetos to make up for the lack of fat? Because I swear these are wayyyyy more orange than the regular version. hmmm.

So, there I sat ... watching one girl turn a lovely shade of red - and the other a lovely shade of orange.

I wonder how much therapy they will require when they grow up!

Frannie

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.-- Mark Twain

Whenever Aaron enters the Holy Place, he will bear the names of the sons of Israel over his heart on the breastpiece of decision as a continuing memorial before the LORD. Exodus 28:29

Monday morning .. or is it Sunday?

2007-05-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

It is 10:55am. I woke up at 9am (sort of -- and Thank You Mr. Farmer for letting me sleep in).
I need a nap already.
My head is spinning again and I am so ~~fucking~~ frigging tired of these migraines. I thought I was on the mend but awoke at 4am to that all too familiar throbbing. So I took some meds and a feeling mighty loopy at the moment.
I tried a jolt of coffee and 2 Excedrin Migraine - sometimes that helps ... nope, now I just have heartburn.

Ok, some sweet stuff ...

knowing that I was in pain; AngelBaby embraced my head, kissed the top and said I make you all better MaaMaa. Yes ... much better - in my heart sweet thing!

I am listening to Down Came the Rain on CD. I could swear that Brooke Shields is speaking directly to me .. to my situation. Isn't it funny how we women can relate in so many ways. I want to call her and tell her how great her book is ...

SweetiePie just offered to make me mashed potatoes ... my comfort food.

I can not believe how spacey I am right now ...

Ok, that wasn't sweet - just true.

I cleaned house all day yesterday - it is terrific to be able to walk on the floor with bare feet.

I wonder if I could convince Mr. Farmer that house work is causing my migraines ... hmmm ...

SweetiePie is actually making pancakes .. she wants to do it on her own, I am doing my best to stay out of the kitchen - but I can smell that the pan is too hot.

I love that the blogger update auto saves my posts ... how many times have you written a post only to have it vanish into cyberspace?

I am not going to spell check this. sorry.

Thanks for the kind words about the size 12. Y'all are too sweet!
Ms. E, I am not (not, not, not) going to be getting a swim suit :) 12 is nice, but I still have too much stretchy skin -- and I refuse to look like Star Jones - ick!
I am glad to say that the 12's still fit today -- some how I expect that I am going to wake up and be in a 22 again ...

Mr. Farmer and I discussed Botox again this morning. He wants me to see where I can get it and how much it will cost. It would be so worth it if it helped the migraines.

ok, head is spinning too much. gotta lay down.

Frannie

“I could never say in the morning, "I have a headache and cannot do thus and so". Headache or no headache, thus and so had to be done.” Eleanor Roosevelt

I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles.
Isaiah 42:6

12

2007-05-27T18:46:00.000-07:00

12
twelve
12
twelve
12
twelve
12
twelve

i fit into a size 12 today. for the first time in at least 10-15 years.
shhhh. I don't want to jinx it.

12
twelve
12
twelve
12
twelve
12
twelve

I keep waiting.

2007-05-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

Thinking that I will have something of worth to say.
That at some point I might not sound like a broken record.
Days go by too quickly.
Moments I can't record fast enough - or remember long enough.
Things seem dark, except when they aren't ... and I have a hard time distinguishing at the moment.

I have talked about anxiety here. Depression, have I mentioned it. Both are present at the moment and I am not entirely sure why.

Mr. Farmer and I have been getting along better than we have in years! His new venture is really good for him - and will be good for us eventually.

Kids are kids. They don't change too much. Thank God. They have sweet moments - there are sour ones as well. LittleMiss asks me 100 questions a minute and AngelBaby won't seem to let go of my leg, arm or whatever body part she chooses at the moment. SweetiePie is a pre-teen ... upset easily, rebounds quickly - answering the opposite of everything I (or anyone) say. HeartBreaker is busy breaking hearts - mine, theirs, everyone's ... just a fact.

I watched the Rosie/Elizabeth Showdown on Youtube. Sad. It makes me sad. So many reasons why.

I have cooked more food in the last few weeks than in entire adult life. People seem to like it - will they pay for it? That's the hard call.

Money is so tight. It sucks. I am a grown up ... thought it would be different.

I have 2 Netflix movies sitting here for almost 4 weeks. Yikes. Perhaps I should cancel - save myself $16.25 a month. Duh.

I need a vacation. A serious vacation.

My friend (the one who dogged me) and I spoke last week. It was awkward. Not the same. Maybe this is part of the reason I am feeling dark. No one to talk to about my stuff. I feel isolated ... but don't feel ready to make a new BFF and can't really still talk to the old one.

Migraines galore. Seriously ... I pray that menopause will cure them. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this pain. 2 nights ago, I laid (lay, lie ...) on the bathroom floor, trying to talk myself out of vomiting, knowing it will hurt more - AngelBaby next to me; crying that Mommy is scaring her ... Mr. Farmer sleeping - has to be up at 5 am (it's 11pm) ... he wants to fix it but he can't. Go to the Doctor he says ... somehow forgetting that I have - at least a billion times. No answers. He helped with AngelBaby eventually.

My good friend TTQ has been working on a new template for me ... I fear I am too picky for her, but she is really doing an outstanding job. Show her some love if you gotta minute!

Love This Site! Find recommendations for cool and hip items ... make suggestions ... let me know if you sign on, I would love to see what you love!

I have become addicted to books on CD. It is great to play the book and be able to rewind and catch up again ...

Shefinds is also a new discovery. Where to find trendy fashions - celeb handbags, jewelry, bras, makeup - you name it. Not that I buy anything but I do love to look.
I got this: for Mother's Day! I love it!

It totally makes up for never getting this:

Mr. Farmer keeps calling me every hour to see if I am feeling better ... wonder if he really thinks that helps ... Bless him ...

Out for now ... I should probably shower ...

Frannie

The happiest people seem to be those who are producing something; the bored people are those who are consuming much and producing nothing.William Ralph Inge (1860-1954)

In faithfulness he [God] will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope. Isaiah 42:3-4

Where the heck am I?

2007-05-16T10:04:00.000-07:00

The days have been whirling by quicker that I can keep track of. I have missed numerous appointments, forgotten a plethora of details, and disappointed many.

It certainly hasn't been intentional. It isn't as if I have been doing nothing. But really if I had to describe what I have been doing, I am not sure I could. It is all jumbled together ... the good, the bad, the fun, the boring, the laughter and the tears.

I have often said that I am waiting in heavy anticipation for life to get normal. The longer that I live this life of mine, the more I realize this IS normal. Chaos, uncertainty, competing interests and desires ... THIS IS IT!

And that's OK!

I am OK with it. But I also know that it means that I can't do everything I want to do, I can only do everything I need to do.

So - I just had to say that ... I haven't been the greatest blogger, I haven't been the best of friends, I am N.O.T. the perfect mother, wife, volunteer. (and it's OK -- I needed to say that one more time -- to convince myself, more than to convince you ....)

Alright ... I did discover a few new/cool things the last few weeks ...

Confession: I used to be a cosmetics snob. I would only buy my cosmetics in a place where they were called cosmetics .. not makeup. Now, in general I am not a snob about anything, but I have sensitive skin that gets more sensitive as I get older ... so I take great care of what goes on my skin ...

However, since I don't have a job and our savings no longer allows me to spend the big bucks on my glamour routine, I have had to relax my standards when it comes to cosmetics and hair care!

Now I am not buying up the 472 shade of eye shadow from wet n wild (although I notice on their site they call them cosmetics as well - huh!), nor will I buy mascara from N.Y.C. or the mary-kateandashley cosmetics at Walmart - they're all with in my budget (cheap) but I still have my standards ...

While I continue to buy my foundation from Clinique, M·A·C or BeneFit which ever has the free gift with purchase (hey gotta make that buck stretch as far as I can ...), I have been buying my mascara at the local Walgreens, figuring that if L'Oreal is good enough for ScarJo, it should be good enough for me ... OK, ok, I am getting on with the story ...

Last week I was at Walgreens and needed new mascara and there on the shelf was CoverGirl - LashExact Mascara - buy one get one F.R.E.E. and I thought hey, if it's good enough for Queen Latifah, it must be good enough for me -- and it WAS buy one get one F.R.E.E. - what broke gal can pass that up? I mean, really?

And so here I am a week later - and let me tell you - I am L.O.V.I.N.G. this stuff. My lashes look so lush that even Mr. Farmer has commented on them - numerous times! It doesn't get clumpy or flaky and it washes off easily! I love it!!! Love it, love it, love it! OK -- enough there.

I will be brief with my next discovery. It isn't new - just new to me and I also love it!
Mane n Tail - yep, you read it right. This stuff is great. My hair is softer, thicker and it looks shinier. I don't care if they use it on horses ... it works for me!

I suppose I have bored you enough for a day ... Hopefully I will have better, more exciting things, to talk about soon!

Frannie

Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties. -Erich Fromm

I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.-Anne Frank

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.
Proverbs 3:27

2007-05-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

To all of my blogging friends.
I truly don't know what I

would do with out you!
Hope your day is/was terrific!

Frannie

Honor your father and mother.

Then you will live a long, full life in the land

the LORD your God will give you. Exodus 20:12

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother's womb.

Psalm 139:13

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:10-12 and 25-31

A mother is a person who seeing there are

only four pieces of pie for five people,

promptly announces

she never did care for pie.

~Tenneva Jordan

Being a full-time mother is one

of the highest salaried jobs...

since the payment is pure love.

~Mildred B. Vermont

The sweetest sounds to mortals given
Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.
~William Goldsmith Brown

A suburban mother's role is to

deliver children obstetrically once,

and by car forever after.

~Peter De Vries

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child

when its mother is feeling chilly.

~Ambrose Bierce

All women become like their mothers.

That is their tragedy.

No man does. That's his.

~Oscar Wilde

When you are a mother,

you are never really alone in your thoughts.

A mother always has to think twice,

once for herself and once for her child.

~Sophia Loren

Mother - that was the bank where

we deposited all our hurts and worries.

~T. DeWitt Talmage

A man loves his sweetheart the most,

his wife the best,

but his mother the longest.

~Irish Proverb

The real religion of the world comes

from women much more than from men

- from mothers most of all,

who carry the key of our souls

in their bosoms.

~Oliver Wendell Holmes

God could not be everywhere and

therefore he made mothers.

~Jewish Proverb

Motherhood is priced
Of God, at price no man may dare
To lessen or misunderstand.
~Helen Hunt Jackson

Biology is the least of

what makes someone a mother.

~Oprah Winfrey

You don't really understand human nature

unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round

will wave at his parents every time around

- and why his parents will always wave back.

~William D. Tammeus

My mom is a neverending song

in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being.

I may sometimes forget the words

but I always remember the tune.

~Graycie Harmon

Frannie's Fixin's & Cookin' Tips

2007-05-09T11:13:00.001-07:00

An excellent tip from Heloise

Make Your Own Teriyaki Sauce

Mix together:
5 ounces soy sauce
2 ounces sesame oil
3 cloves of crushed garlic
1 teaspoon ginger
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 tablespoon molasses.
Put into a bowl and serve on your favorite food.

Eggs Au Gratin

Whatcha need:

1 teaspoon butter
3/4 pound Prosciutto, chopped
8 eggs, beaten
8 ounces Monterey Jack or Pepper Jack cheese, grated
1 large tomato, chopped
3/4 cup milk
1 teaspoon fresh oregano
Salt and pepper

Whatcha do:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Grease 9x9 baking dish.

In a sauté pan, melt butter and sauté Prosciutto until lightly browned. Drain.

In a large mixing bowl, combine Prosciutto, eggs, cheese, tomato, milk, oregano, salt and pepper. Pour into prepared pan and bake for 30 to 35 minutes or until set.

What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?-Robert Schuller

You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers... 1 Thessalonians 1:6-7

Now she calls.

2007-05-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

In my mind I don't want to dwell on things. I don't want to over think the situation or place to much value on it.

I said before that I think we would still both say we were good friends. I know we would. But things have changed. Irrevocable change.

She called today. I saw the number and didn't answer. Not yet prepared to tell her how I genuinely feel and also that I understand.

She left a message. I could tell that she was searching for the words. Ummm just calling to see how things are going -- and you know, well hoping you aren't upset about last week. Well, ummm call me when you get a chance.

I want to be a grown up here - we have both been grown ups in this relationship, until last week. But today just isn't the day. Maybe it is post PMS, I don't know ...

Maybe it is because I heard through the grapevine that her and her family had booked tickets on a cruise next fall -- and I didn't even know it was in the works. Why should I care? Why should I feel sad about that?

It isn't because we (my family) would have gone too, we aren't in that place. I think it has more to do with the fact that normally it would be something that we most excitedly discuss ... she would tell me her plans and I would act all jealous - but be truly glad that they were going to do something so great for them.

In this way, it is like a breakup. When you hear that he is seeing someone new and you realize that you just don't know anything about his life any more. You used to know everything ... now you are shocked by his choices, his changes; the new people he is hanging with, the new job you didn't realize he was applying for, the new hair cut, the move, whatever.

All of that and realizing that you have to start over. Reinvest. Reinvent. Allow someone to see the inner you again. Rehash all of your life's journey so that someone new can understand who you are and where you come from. Meeting someone that will only know who you are - not who you were. Perhaps that isn't a terrible thing ... but there is comfort in having someone who knows what you have been through to get where you are ... someone who gets you.

Like I said, maybe it is post PMS, I am feeling quite melancholy today ... weepy actually. Maybe it is because I knew the call would come and I hoped I would be more able to face it ... I am not usually a wimp but I just don't feel like playing this out - at the same time, I don't feel like finalizing things. Make sense?

Maybe it's because this is my 3rd (or 4th even) friendship that has sortof ended this year ... 2 moves, 1 life style choice-the cheater, and one major disagreement (not a friendship really, but a family relationship) ... WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Whatever. It's Tuesday - tomorrow will certainly be a different day :)

Frannie

* I promise I won't spend much more time on this ... I just have to purge myself of these feelings and this seems to be the only place -- I can talk to Mr. Farmer about it but him being a guy and all, with few friends and fine with that, he just doesn't get it. I don't discuss it with the kids because they go to school w/her kids and all ... and they are already curious so .... I do apologize for boring you! *

Charity. To love human beings in so far as they are nothing. That is to love them as God does. - Simone Weil

I am happy and content because I think I am. - Alain-Rene Lesage

Proverbs 3
An exhortation to the practice of virtue.
3:1. My son, forget not my law, and let thy heart keep my commandments.
3:2. For they shall add to thee length of days, and years of life, and peace.
3:3. Let not mercy and truth leave thee, put them about thy neck, and write them in the tables of thy heart.
3:4. And thou shalt find grace, and good understanding before God and men.
3:5. Have confidence in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not upon thy own prudence.
3:6. In all thy ways think on him, and he will direct thy steps.

Seriously - WHAT is the deal?

2007-05-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

With all of these celebs being arrested for DUI's?

Do they think they are above the law? Are they seriously too cheap to get a taxi, limo, friend to bring their a$$ home.

You know Frannie is not adverse to a night out on the town - every single mother I know loves to go out and have an Appletini or four - but we also all know when it is time to hand over the keys.

Why do these people think they are any different than the rest of us? They are in the center of attention - setting the example ...

Paris Hilton Sentenced to 45 Days in Jail unfair? cruel? I don't think so.
Ray Liotta Arrested - DUI
Warren Moon gets DUI arrest in Seattle
Eve arrested for DUI.
Ty Pennington Arrested for DUI
Vivica A. Fox Arrested on DUI Charge
Gibson's DUI arrest
Nicole Richie Popped for DUI.
Rip Torn Allegedly Ripped AGAIN!
Snoop Dogg arrested after 'Tonight Show' performance.
Haley Joel Osment - I see ... blurry streets.
Busta Rhymes Arrested.
Pete Doherty arrested again.

Just a few. Some are not so shocking - Pete Doherty - while others should know better ...

It makes me furious. And I am sick of seeing it every day.

Frannie - done ranting.

Out with the old, in with the new.

2007-05-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I suppose that is one way to look at things.

I don't - look at it that way, but it could be one way to look at it.

I was heartened by the comments my last post - remarks that relate to the loss of friendship ... to the sadness of change. I was comforted to see that even the guys go through such things.

I love that some of you think I am worth hanging on to. I think I am too ... I am a good friend, a good listener ... but I am honest. I always (mostly) preface an answer by saying do you want the truth (my opinion) or do you want to hear wheat you want/need to hear?

I don't think honesty is why this particular friendship is ending. I am not even sure if I would say our friendship is ending ... I think my friend will say, when asked, that we are good friends. I would say the same. We aren't enemies. We aren't angry. We just aren't the same. Something changed.

Here are 14 comments that I have regarding your comments ...

1. I am not an angel. I can be hell on wheels some days. My migraines do, at times, cause a strain on any relationship that I have. (IE, sometimes I am less dependable because I never know when the pain will come).

2. I am a warm person. I give it my all. If I am your friend - I am your friend! I will defend you and I will take care of you! I am a nurturing friend.

3. I never, ever, ever mind new people popping in on my blog -- as long as they are nice and aren't trying to sell Viagra. :)

4. I am not sure why the end of grown up friendships hurt more that those of our childhood. Perhaps the childhood friendships just fade more easily. We anticipate their end when we go off to college, get married, travel the world - because you know think we will travel the world when we finish college!

5. I do think *closeness* is an issue for this friend. It is something that we discussed when we first became friends. She is used to people disappointing her, sometimes it is easier to cut bait before you get hurt. I have been this way (A LOT) in my life so I understand it. It just sucks to be on the receiving end.

6. I don't think she meant to be rude. I think she just didn't know how to say *it*, whatever *it* is. I know that she would never intentionally hurt LittleMiss - I think she was able to use the chaos of her life to excuse the behavior. whatever.

7. T -- don't be surprised if Frannie and co just show up in your area this summer. I have no idea how I am going to keep them all busy this summer. A road trip just might do the trick. Of course I would have to sell one of them just to pay for the gas though :O).

8.I have spoken to a few people about this subject (over the last year or so) and it seems that there are just times in our lives when relationships end. Maybe it is age. Maybe it is situational. I know a number of people that are at the almost 4-0 mark and it appears that this is a big transitional time -- marriages, jobs, children ... with the ending or beginning of these things, friendships also change - fade or vanish.

9. I just didn't think that this is what being a grown up would be like. I feel almost silly. My parents and my aunts & uncles all seem to have these core group of people that they have been friends with for eons. They vacation together. They celebrate together - and they mourn and grieve together. I guess I thought there was a magic age that you just had those types of relationships ... now I realize that not everyone has them.

10. If it were a matter of her just being a screw up - like my friend who is cheatin' on her man or another friend who has become friendlier with the white powder than people - I think it would be easier to take. It might also be easier if I hadn't revealed so much of myself.

11. Like Jag, I don't do anything lightly either. I take friendship - all relationships really - quite seriously. It takes me some time to warm up ... some time to be open about myself - my life, my pain ... I don't share my heart quickly, but when I do I mean it! That is the reason it hurts when things end.

12. My first instinct - was to wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Why do people come in and out of my life so easily? What makes me so disposable? If I was a complete b.i.t.c.h. I could understand ... If I was too mamby pamby I could understand. But I'm not. I am nice, even tempered, I don't offer advice (too much) unless I am asked ... I care deeply but I am not too mushy ... oh well. Perhaps there aren't any answers.

13. At least this time I know that I was completely honest, I tried my hardest, I didn't do anything wrong. I maintained my dignity (thank you Hilary Duff). It truly isn't me - it's her.

14. I wholeheartedly agree that God brings people into our lives for a reason - sometimes for a short time and sometimes for the long haul. There is a poem (Reason Season Lifetime) that speaks of this ...it is a good poem, so read it if you get a chance .. you probably already have - but I like it.

It is sad when relationships end. It is difficult to start over - the part I dislike the most. But I am certain that it all happens for a purpose and I know that I haven't ever had a relationship that didn't help me grow in on one way or another -- sometimes it just takes longer to realize the purpose of a particular relationship...

Blessings - and Happy Friday ...

Frannie

Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don't say.

Author unknown

Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. Luke 3:8

It hurts less this time.

2007-05-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

We don't say the words, not out loud anyway. There isn't the usual utterance of its not you, its me. There are no apologies or explanations. No definite goodbyes or clean cut endings.

We are simply left wondering what happened?

I should know better by now. Really, come on, I am not a naive school girl anymore. I have been down this path a time or ten. And admittedly, it does not hurt as much this time ... but it does hurt. The ending of another grown up friendship.

I guess it hurts because each time I think this time will be different. We'll be best friends forever - just like Lucy and Ethel. Or Jennifer and Courteney - or even Oprah and Gayle ...

Well, without the fame, the cash, the cameras - of course. But we'll vacation together, we will bring our husbands, but really it will be all about what we want to do. We'll have spa days and girls only nights out ... We'll prop each other up when we're down. Be the only person to tell it like it is. Recommend great recipes, tear articles from the newspaper, trade weight loss secrets, buy each other trinkets when we are out of town.

It's like we are friend dating ... there is that, almost obsessive, need to check in daily. We talk for hours on the phone - sharing our hopes, dreams, fears ... our scars, our nasty truths ... things we would never dare share unless we knew this was forever.

hmmm. I laugh now. What is forever? In terms of friendship anyway. I know there are people who have friends for a lifetime. I am certain there is a secret to their ability to stick together forever.

I haven't discovered it yet. Heck, I haven't come close ...

Again, I have to say, this isn't how I thought it would be. I thought my friends from my 20's would be my friends always. But then we all grew apart - marriages, babies, new jobs, moves, divorces. There was a sting with each loss. An ache for what was.

In my 30's I thought I had found my forever friends - sort of like the adopted children who search for their forever families. We became each others families, when our own didn't quite measure up. But now, one by one, these friendships are fading as well. There is still a sting, an ache, with each loss. It just isn't as profound.

It could be said, and I will recognize it sooner than later, that these friendships come in and out of my life, our lives, at just the moment we need them. They serve a purpose and then vanish when life's needs change.

I didn't expect to lose this particular friendship so soon. I could feel it coming the last few months ... the canceled dates, the vague answers during conversations ... yes, I suppose I knew it was coming but like the naive teenager in love, I thought we could work it out. If I just tried harder, gave her some space ... I guess not.

This morning was confirmation of what I should have known ... I went to your door, we were supposed to have coffee and chat - kids in tow ... you weren't home. 10 minutes, 20 minutes, I waited ... LittleMiss crying because she knew this was her day to play with FancyGirl. Finally, I call your cell phone - you answer sheepishly, like you know the call is coming and will deal with it because you have to ... but ...

I know at that moment. We.are.done. You say you forgot. I know you didn't - we spoke yesterday. I hear it in your voice. I heard it yesterday too. Something in our friendship isn't working for you ... I have a guess, but that's all. I can speculate, but it doesn't change the outcome.

We.are.done.

And although it does hurt less this time, there is still the ache for what was.

Frannie

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. - Ecclesiastes

Someone wake me

2007-05-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

when the room stops spinning.

Ever had a migraine? Ever had one that lasts for days, weeks, months?

You would think I was an expert at it by now. But alas, I am just as surprised each time I get one that just won't go away.

I have had them virtually all my life. Some times, with medication, they go away in a few hours and other times - with or with out medication - they can last for months. My longest lasted 68 days, that I kept track of ... could have been longer.

Anywho ... I know I have talked about them here before. I don't really want to dwell on it, but rather make excuses for myself - when they come and don't leave - I check out ... on life - as much as I can anyway ... because really ... I still have to be the mom, the bills still need to be paid and life does go on. I just can't focus to write a darn thing!

Ok, I'll stop with the griping ...

Even when things suck, there are a few sweet moments.

This weekend was no exception. On Saturday my girls and I just hung out together. Doin' nothin'. It was so sweet. I read a book - Catch Me If You Can by Donna Kauffman - quite steamy, I was shocked - of course I didn't put it down though ...

The day just seemed to lull along, each one of my girls taking turns hanging out with mom. They read their own books, of course, and we just cuddled on the couch. It was nice outside (for a while) so AngelBaby and I actually took a cat nap on a blanket in the back yard.

The girls ran around the back 40 in bare feet and just had a blast.

I guess I can't accurately describe the sweetness of the day ... just take my word ok, it was a great day!

I can't really say too much more. I am takin' it easy this week ... I hope.

Frannie

Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain. William Faulkner

When old people speak it is not because of the sweetness of words in our mouths; it is because we see something which you do not see. Chinua Achebe

We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. 1 Thessalonians 1:2

Things I've done this week.

2007-04-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

1) Prepared no less than 20 PB & J sandwiches.
2) Finished one sub-par books (awful is a strong word, but its close!)
Princess Sister by Sheila Copeland
3) Watched two sub-par movies Vanity Fair and She's the One.
4) Created and recreated a business card for my new business venture.
5) Had 3 major migraine episodes.
6) Ate more than I should at least 4 days.
7) Driven approximately 500 miles.
8) Made a new friend.
9) Checked out numerous books on tape (or CD) at the library. (Great for the kids when driving)
10) Absolutely failed to catch up on all of my favorite bloggers. (I miss reading what everyone has to say!!)
11) Balanced my checkbook - the first time in nearly a year.
12) Added up all of my (our) debt in an excel spreadsheet. Depressing.
13) Invited a lonely soul to dinner. They came. It was quite nice.
14) Let AngelBaby have hot dogs for breakfast 4 days in a row. (They are turkey franks. Does that make it better?)

Here it is ... 3pm on a Friday. I am completely wiped out and could use a good nap.
Hope your weekend it GREAT!

Frannie

The man who wins may have been counted out several times,but he didn’t hear the referee.Never quit or give up….never…..never give up.- H.E. Janson

If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. James 1:26

Remember when I said …

2007-04-25T13:21:00.000-07:00

* My next read was to be The Book of Fate by Brad Meltzer? Well, I didn’t read it. Instead I read This Pen For Hire by Laura Levine because LittleMiss picked it out for me at the Library. It looks pretty MaaMaa, you should read it. Who can resist a pretty book? Not me. It was funny. Now of course, I have learned that there are more ... not sure if I will read them or not.

* That I had had Vanity Fair and another movie that I couldn't name (turned out to be Raise Your Voice w/Hilary Duff) and that I had not watched it yet?? Well, I still haven't watched Vanity Fair and I think I have had these movies for nearly 3 months. Thank heavens for no late fees from Netflix.

* That I was going to be a more diligent blogger. I sincerely want to come up with something zany to write about ... but life seems to be happening on fast-forward right now. The days zing by so quickly that I can hardly breath -- much less post. I didn't even look at PostSecret until this morning ...

* That I was going to cook for 25 this past weekend ... yea, I did - PLUS another 15 (give or take). I cooked sooo much pork, I should have bought the entire pig. Let me tell you - there was a whole lot of wine in the pot ... but I think everyone enjoyed..

* That I was going to break all the rules and do a girls night out? I did it. I left Mr. Farmer and the children up to their own devices and went out with the ladies. Well out would be not quite right -- I went over to a friends who was hosting a Tapas Party. I have, of course, heard of Tapas .. but I wasn't really sure what it meant. What it meant to me was - good food, good wine, many laughs and great friends. Check out The New Spanish Table if you get a chance ... great book.

* That I was trying to start my own business venture? Well, last week I actually got the ball rolling. I am so darned nervous, I can't even tell you. So, if you are a prayer and are inclined to pray for Frannie - please do. I could use it.

Well, I think that is all I can come up with for now. AngelBaby is almost finished watching Pooh's Grand Adventure - and I promised her a trip to the Library if she would settle down for the entire movie -- and she has ... so I must deliver!

Hope your week is good. I will be wondering around to catch up on your blogs ...

Frannie

The happiest man is he who learns from nature the lesson of worship. Ralph Waldo Emerson

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt

Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. Acts 2:41

And for dessert.

2007-04-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

Molasses MarbleCake

Whatcha need:

1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs, beaten
2 cups sifted cake flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon cloves
1/4 teaspoon ginger
3 tablespoons molasses

How ya make it:

Set oven at 350 degrees and grease loaf pan.
Cream butter, add sugar gradually and beat until light and fluffy.
Add beaten eggs and continue to cream.
Next add flour, which has been sifted together with baking power and salt, alternately with milk.
Beat after each addition.
Then remove 2/3 of batter from bowl.
Add spices and molasses to the remaining batter and beat well.
Drop by tablespoons into greased loaf pan, alternating light and dark mixture.
Bake at 350 degrees for one hour.

Serve plain or frost with your favorite icing.
Nice to serve with coffee or tea and is good without frosting.

SERVES: 8

Source: River Road Recipes

Frannie's Fixin's & Cookin' Tips

2007-04-19T10:44:00.001-07:00

Do your kids bring home Stinky Lunch Boxes?
Let me just say -- the Farmer children grow things in their lunch boxes ... by the time Frannie gets them, they are a full on science experiment.

Here's what you do ...

Grab that left over Vinegar jug from Easter - dampen a paper towel with as much as you can stand, throw it in the lunch box for the night and wipe it clean in the mornin'.

I have also used orange or lemon peels ... but the vinegar does the trick best.

So speaking of vinegar ... have any of you tried the Apple Cider Vinegar Diet? I have heard that it really works ... just not sure I could handle heart burn. What do you think?

Frannie will be cooking up some good food for about 25 this weekend - here is the main dish ...

PORK TENDERLOIN A LA CREME *

1 sm. pork tenderloin, sliced in 1/2" thick slices
1 egg, slightly beaten
1 tbsp. heavy cream
3/4-1 c. bread crumbs
1 ½ cup fresh chopped mushrooms, any kind
1 small onion chopped
2 tbsp. fresh minced parsley
1/8 tsp. salt
1/8 tsp. cracked pepper
5 tbsp. butter
1 (10 1/2 oz.) can cream of mushroom soup
1 cup heavy cream
1 c. sour cream or plain yogurt
1/4 c. dry sherry
8 oz. med. egg noodles or fettuccini, cooked
About 6 to 9 slices.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Slightly flatten slices of pork tenderloin; set aside.

Combine egg and heavy cream. Dip each slice of tenderloin in egg mixture and then in crumbs which have been mixed with salt and pepper. Melt butter in sauté pan or skillet; brown tenderloin until golden. Drain slices and place in bottom of a 2 quart glass baking dish. Combine all remaining ingredients into sauce pan, except noodles and parsley; simmer until onions are thoroughly cooked – salt and pepper to taste. Pour ¾ of sauce over pork, reserve the rest to add to dish. Bake, covered for 1 hour. Serve tenderloin and crème sauce over egg noodles or fettuccini. Sprinkle with parsley. Serves 4 to 6

Excellent with steamed spinach, asparagus or broccoli.

NOTE: Can be prepared early in the day and baked when ready to serve.

* Not a Pork eater - or on a tighter budget? Use chicken breasts, skip the cream, use cracker crumbs instead up fancier bread crumbs, cheap white wine (or apple cider) rather than Sherry, and dry herbs instead of fresh -- it is still pretty darned good.

When you want to say something.

2007-04-17T09:59:00.000-07:00

And you jut can not put it into words.

In general, I might have a slight tendency to turn a blind eye to all things bad. Not that I condone them - HELL NO. But people doing *bad things* typically do not ask my opinion before they commit such actions. When I read the newspaper or listen to the radio I skim past the tragic events of the day -- and indeed it seems that there is a tragedy every single day.

I suppose I could be considered ignorant, not intelligent enough to pay attention and form an opinion. It could be assumed that I am callus - that I just don't care what is happening in our world. It could also be inferred that I relish in being a martyr.

After all it has been pointed out to me … on numerous occasions that I simply CARE TOO MUCH. That I easily take on the heartache of others. That I can wallow and worry about issues that have no impact on my life – or the lives of those I love.

Again I digress, as is another bad habit …

Each time that something as catastrophic happens as the Virginia Tec. Shooting, I am filled with a deep sadness that I can scarcely shake. I am teeming with fear for my own children, for my nieces and nephews, second cousins that are scattered across the nation. Those that I could not get to them quickly enough if such a disaster were to hit them …

These things live with me for days, weeks, months – years even. I still have nightmares about the Columbine School shootings, the Oklahoma City bombings and the Waco Massacre.

To be perfectly honest, I fret in the month of April. I doubt that I am the only one to notice the plethora of dreadful events that happen in the month of April.

I suppose the other reason that I dread April is that I have had a number of personal tragedies take place in April – deaths, breakups, crimes … it also happens to be my birthday month; which, for me, has not necessarily been a time of blessings.

What did I intend to say when I started this? Obviously there are words in my heart that wish to emerge – I just can’t seem to get it right on paper (sic). Mostly I am thinking that these types of things are why I prefer to read celebrity trash – so my heart doesn’t hurt so much, so my brain doesn’t think to much – as so I don’t feel quite as useless to help.

Frannie

Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic. - Oscar Wilde

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. - Martin Luther King Jr.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Philippians 4:4-5

Frannie's Friday Fourteen - NO BOYS ALLOWED!

2007-04-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to get back in the groove of posting regularly. Mostly because Mr. Farmer seems to be around a lot more lately -- at the times that I would generally post. And since he isn't aware of this blog, and I am not prepared to introduce him to this part of the technology drive world .. I don't blog in front him. (I also don't wee, poo or fluff in front of him -- so you see, it is important to keep up appearances!)

Ok ... so there have been some ... ummm, girl things running through my cluttered brain lately ... thus the NO BOYS ALLOWED! So if you are a boy (man, male, machismo -whatever) stop reading right this minute and come back another day!

1) So as I mentioned, since Mr. Farmers new business venture he has been a changed man -- for the better. I have been a better wife. And thinking in the l.o.v.e. department have been ... ummmm ... well ... spicy!

2) Recently Manic mentioned that she was felling a bit crabby about being almost in her L A T E thirties. And I feel for her, I do! I am in the same place, although I think I am a bit older than Manic's L A T E thirties.

3) The flip side of being in my L A T E thirties, is that my ... ummmm ... drive is quite charged. I feel like a teen aged boy with raging hormones but no acne. It is astonishing. Really.

4) Not that my drive was ever low, but between the weight loss and hormones, it is hopped up! And Mr. Farmer doesn't quite know what to make of it.

5) Now I have to make some, well, potentially embarrassing admissions and ask some potentially embarrassing questions.

6) Last week, I was trimming the hedge, so to speak ... and got a little carried away and completely mowed the lawn. You know how you just sort of start trimming something and it gets a little of balanced and so you trim some more and then the other side is off ... and so on and so on ... pretty soon --- g.o.n.e. Yep, that's me.

7) Which isn't all that bad. I have been there before and this time the side effects aren't as bothersome as they have been. I got some of this and it really helps.

8) However, I have decided that I would like to be rid of the lawn more long term .. and well, most smoothly. I tried this, but it didn't work. I think the lawn is perhaps too short ... but I am not sure.

9) Potentially embarrassing question -- how long does the lawn have to be before you can get a professional lawn mowing? This is getting complicated.

10) You see, I have never had a ~~wax job~~ lawn mowing - on any body part before ... I don't actually have ... well, ummm, any other body lawn to mention. So I don't know what the standards are for getting the job done.

11) Ok, other girl stuff ... since I have lost quite a bit of weight, and since I have birthed 4 babies (and had a few other pregnancies that resulted in miscarriage) I have a mommy tummy that won't go away, regardless of the number of sit-ups I do. I am actually considering a tummy-tuck. Has anyone else had one? Please tell me about it. The pain, the recovery, the cost ... email me at youcantunscramblescrambledeggs @ gmail dot com.

12) Does anyone think that is bad? A tummy-tuck, I mean? I have to say that I am not sure ... that perhaps it isn't what God intends ... and then this morning I read a quote on T's blog "God may have put them there but that's not where he wants them!" - Stacy London. Worth thinking about.

13) I am attending a girls night out tonight. I can't remember the last time I did that. I am so excited. So, of course, LittleMiss woke up vomiting this morning - I swear it happens (with one of them) every time I want to go somewhere.

14) Guess what? I am going anyway! She doesn't have a fever. Her spirits are still high ... she is playing and having a good time -- except when she vomits every other hour. I am certain that Mr. Farmer can handle it.

--- Ok, so I never asked to be nominated Mother of the Year.

Frannie

· A man is not old as long as he is seeking something. - Jean Rostand

Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow. Psalm 144:4

****************************************
I just have to say ... I consider myself a Christian blogger - and felt a little conflicted about posting on such a racy topic -- but I realized that I am just an average woman with average things (I hope!) and that I don't think talking about s.e.x. is an un-Christian thing to do ...
****************************************

Monday morning indigestion and random things.

2007-04-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

I am hurting today.

Monday morning indigestion.

Although we didn't have the big family gathering … no chaos, wild laughter or moderate tension … we did have food. And since Frannie must always cook in massive quantities, we had too much food.

Perhaps the variety had something to do with it as well.

Orange Glazed Ham (of course)
Spiced Leg of Lamb (I didn’t eat that!)
Seven Layer Salad
Creamed Spinach
Lemon Asparagus
Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Country Biscuits
Lemon Sponge Cake with fresh strawberries

It was delish! And I did eat in moderation, but I think the combination was not good for this gut!
Well that and I seem to be sort of addicted to Stacy's Baked Parmesan Garlic Pita Chips. They’re good for me, right?? I mean 'cause they're baked and all ... No cholesterol or Trans fat – they must be healthy! Yeah, not so much. 9 chips = 140 calories. You can not eat just 9 of these. No way, no how! I finally had to ask LittleMiss to hide the bag from MaaMaa ... who sad is that?

I love starch, what can I say? I would so much rather have chips, crackers, break, potatoes, pasta than chocolate or ice cream any day. When I don’t feel good – they’re what I want … when I do feel good, they’re what I want. This is a bad thing for a chubby housewife who is trying to become a red hot mama!

I finally met with my tax guy today. Yes, I am a procrastinator – thank you very much. I think we are going to have to PAY this year … so I have been putting it off for as long as possible. I have to get him some more numbers and I should know in about two days.

Since Mr. Farmer started his new business venture he has been a changed man. And for the better. Thanks to the advice of T-girl, I am also a better wife lately. I am still not a huge Dr. Laura fan, but she does have some good points when it comes to how we should treat our spouses.

My cute little wireless mouse is killing me. I have to change the batteries at least every 12 days. NUTS. And I know that I should take Jagular’s advice and shell out the cash for the expensive lithium batteries … I just haven’t been able to do it – I do have a rather large stock of Costco AA batteries on hand … perhaps when they are gone.

I desperately need a nap. I drank too much coffee, trying to ‘wake up’ – another reason my stomach is killing me, I am sure.

The ‘cheater’ moved out of the house this weekend. Yes, the day before Easter. I didn’t see her children (or her) at church yesterday, but the husband was there. After seeing him, I am certain he knows … even if he doesn’t admit that he knows. It sucks.

I just finished reading Stella in Heaven. A nice book. Humorous. Next up The Book of Fate by Brad Meltzer – not my normal taste but it was a gift so I will read it.

We watched Raise Your Voice (with Hilary Duff) last night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The preteens like it.

I guess I will leave you with that …

Frannie

Love is an act of endless forgiveness. - Jean Vanier

Don't cut your conscience to fit this year's fashions. - Lillian Hellman

The Mighty One, God, the LORD, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets. Psalm 50:1

Happy Easter.

2007-04-08T13:27:00.000-07:00

I sang my heart out at church today - that always helps!
Thanks for all of your loving comments and WELCOME my new blogging friends, I will be by your place soon!

Frannie

Resurrection Prayer

O Risen Lord,
the way, the truth and the life,

make us faithful followers
of the spirit of your resurrection.

Grant that we may be inwardly
renewed; dying to ourselves
in order that you may live in us.

May our lives serve as signs
of the transforming power of your love.

Use us as your instruments
for the renewal of society,

bring your life and love to all
and leading them to your Church.

This we ask of you, Lord Jesus,

living and reigning with the Father,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
God forever.

Amen.

We're not like other people.

2007-04-07T16:15:00.000-07:00

Most people are gearing up to spend tomorrow with friends and family … celebrating Easter with the traditional ham or leg of lamb, searching for eggs, tearing into colorful Easter baskets …
Not us.

We will attend the sunrise service at church, of course. There is a brunch and then a regular service. We’ll be there. And then everyone will skitter off …

We’ll go home. Just us. No extended family. No friends. No celebration.

At least not the kind that comes to mind – my mind. In my mind, we just aren’t like other people. Other families. Normal families.

I know, we CAN make our own traditions and we will. But at these times, when it seems that everyone has somewhere to go and people to be with … I feel at a loss. I wish for involved grandparents for my children. I wish for aunts and uncles that want to be around – or that we are willing to let come around. I wish for big gatherings, for chaos and laughter and a little tension and the combining and bonding of families. I wish for ladies cooking together in the kitchen and the men hanging out in the den. Children running wild, trying to steal a bite of this or that.

We just don’t have that. At all.

Today I am shedding my sadness here.
Today I will mourn for the traditional family that we don’t have – but only here.

Tomorrow I will be joyous.
Tomorrow I will dress my girls in sweet pastel dresses with lovely Easter bonnets (the 2 that will let me!).
Tomorrow I will make cute baskets for my girls (even though 2 of 4 don’t believe in it and think it lame – or whatever the current word is)
Tomorrow I will still cook a ham (even though I don’t care for it) and.
Tomorrow I will try to explain the real meaning of the day … I will tell my children that we are all we need and I will mean it … tomorrow.

Frannie

Rise heart; thy Lord is risen. Sing his praise, Without delays…-George Herbert, stanza from "Easter"

Good Friday is the mirror held up by Jesus...it turns us to that cross and to his eyes and we hear these words, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." -Robert G. Trache

Lead Me to Peace

Lead me from death to life,
from falsehood to truth.
Lead me from despair to hope,
from fear to trust.
Lead me from hate to love,
from war to peace.
Let peace fill my heart,
my world, my universe.
Amen.

Not a thing.

2007-04-04T21:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't said a thing yet.

One knows that I know. The other has no clue. Things are unbalanced.

It isn't a man that is cheating ... in the situation that I feel closest to.

I have been there. I mean the being cheated on part ... It seems that I should know the right answer - I agree that there are too many diseases out there for a person catch and pass on -- but I am not sure the he in this case will listen -- isn't there a point when a person is ready to hear -- and a time when they aren't.

I doubt that I am the only one who knows .. how can I be? But everyone is acting like everything is ok! I can't do that -- which means that I am skipping things that I would normally take part in.

Huh .. funny huh ... everyone will wonder what my problem is!

Tomorrow I am going on a lovely train ride field trip with SweetiePie and 60 other intermediate students .. should be fun - I am packing my ~~flask~~ Advil ... :O) Wish me luck!

Frannie

I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. - Henry Ward Beecher

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. - Josh Billings

On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord. John 20:19

I wonder if you'll be back.

2007-04-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

And by you ... I mean the people who lurked around daily and never commented ... my blogger friends, I think, will remain my friends despite my recent disappearing act. But those who lurk, well, I just doubt that they are as invested.

I don't blame them really ... I haven’t been as ardent a blogger as I had hoped to be. I had a plan of sorts … a method to my own madness really – but then life kept happening and I wasn’t able to post as much as I wanted, not that I haven’t thought about it … that is the other issue; I have found blogging (reading, posting, commenting) to be an obsessive hobby. One that I can hardly stop thinking about; why couldn’t I have taken up jogging instead?

Anywho … I am not nearly back yet. Mr. Farmer’s new venture has, indeed, caused much more work for me … but so far it has been a fabulous thing for him – so I will continue to support him to the best of my ability! (I would either way, but it is much easier when the venture is a success!)

And I have been cookin’ more than I thought I would! Business is not too shabby for a hick like me :O) It will still take us about a year, I think, to catch up from gettin’ behind … but we are on our way.

Another reason for my continued sabbatical is more personal.

In the past two weeks I have discovered that one dear friend is being cheated on by their spouse, at the same time I have learned that another is doin’ some cheatin’ … it is really breaking my heart. And it is a hard spot to be stuck in. Not knowing what to say or do … do you let them know you know (either party?) … do I tell them what I really think? Part of me says ‘it’s none of your business Frannie, keep out of it’ while the other part of me screams ‘if I don’t say something isn’t that like condoning the behavior?’

It isn’t the first time I have been in this spot – I was here many times in high school and my early 20’s … and I did learn that the messenger was usually shot. But it is different now for two reasons – 1) I am a Christian and these are folks who claim the faith and have (in the past) appreciated my Christian outlook and honesty and 2) there are children involved.

I keep going back to ‘would I want to know … really?’

I think I would. But I really can’t say for sure … I think in my mind if Mr. Farmer was going to have a ‘one off’ with someone, I wouldn’t want to know necessarily. But if it was an actual on going thing – of course I would want know, preferably before everyone else in my sleepy little town knew …

Urgh! I am hating this … the more I write about it the more I can feel the pit in the bottom of my stomach grow!

What do you think?

Frannie

You don't have to be alone in your hurt! Comfort is yours. Joy is an option. And it's all been made possible by your Savior. -Joni Eareckson Tada

God's everywhere. God's in the effort, God's in the struggle, whether that's for civil rights or creative expression. God's always in the struggle with us. -Anne Lamott

I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great congregation. Psalm 40:10

Need a good cry?

2007-03-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

Some times in the midst of my chaotic life, when I am feeling a bit whoa is me, I just need a good cry.

Do y’all ever feel like that?

If so, I have the ticket for you – read this book!

It worked for me. I was up until nearly 2am last night – this morning – finishing it. I could hardly put it down the last few days … but since I only get to read real books at night, I wasn’t able to read as much as I wanted. But last night, I just couldn’t stop.

Kristin Hannah has written other novels; Comfort & Joy, Angel Falls, Between Sisters, On Mystic Lake …Magic Hour is the first one I have had the pleasure of reading. It is haunting me this morning. (So much so that I had to break out of my Blogging sabbatical).

Here's Frannie's run down ...

Dr. Julia Cates, a well known extremely gifted child psychiatrist, who until recently had a flourishing practice, has just lost everything she thought was important to her. Technically she comes out unscathed, emotionally – she is ruined. Like so many of us, she just wants to run away and hide from the world.

Ellie, Julia’s promqueenalwaysperfectlovedbyeveryone sister, is the police chief back in their sleepy little home town. The two are as different as day and night and neither knows how to relate to the other – every word is a potential offence. Of course they haven't spoken in years ...

When a little girl almost magically materializes from the woods, the two are bound together to save this “wild child”. Alice, as they name her, acts like an animal, incapable or unwilling to speak (at least in our language).

Along with Julia and Ellie, Max (the always present – in Novelworld – handsome mysterious Dr.) and the rest of the town unite to buck the system and protect Alice. There are numerous twists and turns in the novel – and sadness that is not for the weak at heart.
Each character is damaged in one way or another, but each one in a way that will touch your heart. Although the characters mentioned are the main characters, there are many more that make the book what it is.

I loved it. You might too. I will absolutely be reading more of Kristin Hannah.

Because we should.

2007-03-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

and because it comes by way of Buffy.

There is no cure for cancer. This is why we walk… -Carolynn Johnson

Carolynn Johnson had just turned 37 years old when she found out she was pregnant. Within a two week period, she was also diagnosed with breast cancer.A radical mastectomy was recommended. She agreed. To protect her unborn child and in spite of risks to herself she ignored the request by her physician to have an abortion and waited until her second trimester to begin therapy. It would take eight rounds of chemo before Carolynn was able to begin her new life as a mother…and a survivor. She has walked for seven years.

Here is what Buffy had to say:

My sister called me this morning and asked me to read her friend’s story. “She’s got a blog. Please look at it.” Now I’m asking you to do the same. If you don’t think you have the time, make it. Without a cure, over 10 million women will die from breast cancer in the next 25 years. If you don’t think it concerns you, you’re wrong: If you are a woman you’re at risk. If you have a wife, mother, daughter or sister. They’re at risk. It concerns us all.

This year Carolynn and her Crew will participate in the American Cancer Society’s RELAY FOR LIFE. A veteran of both the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, Carolynn has helped raise over $150,000 for breast cancer research. She walks again on June 30.

The RELAY FOR LIFE is an overnight event led by the American Cancer Society to help raise money for the fight against breast cancer. Please help by sponsoring Carolynn and her Crew.

Checks can be made payable to The American Cancer Society, and mailed to:
Carolynn Johnson
Carolynn’s Crew
PO Box 1551
North Tazewell, VA 24630

You can also paypal funds to carolynn@pinkribbonmiracle.com.

If personal cheques and paypal aren’t your thing you can also donate direct to the Susan G. Komen foundation or the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.

Please spread the word by linking to or digging this link.

Blogging Sabbatical

2007-03-23T22:12:00.000-07:00

I am taking a wee sabbatical. Probably a week.

I am sure I will lurk around and read in the wee hours ... but I probably won't have time to post or comment. There is just so much going on this weekend and next week ... I didn't want to leave y'all hangin' ...

Frannie

Always remember that the future comes one day at a time. Dean Acheson

Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. Colossians 1:21

From Dawn til Dusk.

2007-03-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

So, I actually had to look that up. Is it Dusk to Dawn or Dawn to Dusk.
And then I started humming Delta Dawn what's that flower you have on ...
And then I couldn't remember which raspy voiced singer sang it ... Helen Reddy, Tanya Tucker, Bette Midler.
Of course then I needed to know why it was written ... (this is the way my brain works) ... I found the following in an article;
In 1972, Helen wrote a feminist anthem, "I Am Woman," which became a number one record and earned her a Grammy. Her next single, "Peaceful," was also a hit. And then came the high water mark of her career: an enigmatic number, "Delta Dawn."
"It's a song about women's liberation," explained co-composer Alex Harvey. "That was a big deal at the time, and I guess it still is.
"I like images a lot, and mystery, and I think the mystery of 'Delta Dawn' is what pulled it together. The song basically came out of a feeling that I had for my mother, but I'm not really sure. " http://www.superseventies.com/1973_7singles.html

But really, all I was trying to get at was how I have been so out of my mind busy from morning to night. Today, for example started at 6:30am and I am sitting here at 10:15pm trying to think of the funny things that happened through out the day.

Mostly, we were gone all day - which means my house is completely trashed. I can't help but wonder how that math works. If you are gone most of the day shouldn't the house be clean? It makes sense doesn't it?? Apparently not in the Farmer house.

Mr. Farmer is starting a new business venture. Read: more work for Mrs. Farmer. I am ok with it, it will eventually help us a great deal ... but like anything, the initial start is a wee bit painful.

At the same time, it appears that my homecookin' business (I use the term loosely) has become more popular. I hesitate to mention it because ... well you know ... I just might curse it. I am still tryin' to figure out pricing and what not ... but there is certain potential.

This is how AngelBaby is entertainin' herself so that MaaMaa can do this little post - she has a tall kitchen bag (it is clean) and is repeatedly pushing her feet through the bottom to make as many holes as she can ... did I mention that she was naked? She wanted a sink bath but SweetiePie is in the shower, the dishwasher is runnin' (how? you would think dishes would be minimal since we were gone all day!) and HeartBreaker took a shower before SweetiePie (of course she did 'cause she is the oldest and she is entitled ....) so there is very little hot water left -- whew all that just to explain why AngelBaby is runnin' naked.

So, Britney got out of Rehab today. Has it been a month? Wonder how long she can make it? Gonna say a prayer for her tonight ... I really hope that she is just snugglin' up with those babies and realizing how much she needs to be there for them.

Angelina, Angelina, Angelina ... he is such a sweet boy, so brave ... blah, blah, blah ... oh Brad - yea he had to work and the blob was with her Father on the set every day ... Harsh often? Again, I am hoping that they didn't print the entire statement ... that somewhere she says something that makes it seem ... what? I don't know ... just not so harsh.

Sadly Calvert DeForest (Larry "Bud" Melman) from David Letterman's show passed away today. He was so funny on the show. Back when I could stay up that late and I wasn't concerned about cable corrupting my children's brains ... well, I really liked to watch the skits that he and Letterman did together ...

Ok, now I am gettin' all loopy and I need to get some slumber ...

Hope all is well with y'all!

Frannie

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.~ Tenneva Jordan

To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.
Proverbs 8:13

Thought...
God is not only our protector; he is our helper. Even when our world seems to be crashing around us, he is there. He will deliver us from death or deliver us through death. He will deliver us from evil or he will deliver us to overcome evil. Our task is to trust that in the midst of our earthquakes and tidal waves that we are not alone and not abandoned.

Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy.

2007-03-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

I have been so freakin' busy that I just realized I didn't read PostSecret yesterday - trust me ... that means I am Busy!

Frannie's Saturday Sixteen Mixup

2007-03-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

So its Saturday and I missed the Friday Fourteen because I was ranting about friendship and Gluttony.

So now I will do my penance and give you 16 random things that are occupying my head - watch out ...

1) Heartburn - I woke up with it and I want it to go away right.this.minute.

2) After all my talk about the Binge and Purge of life ... I some major Binge shopping at Old Navy - bad Frannie, very very very bad Frannie!

3) Is it wrong that I want to use THIS as a handbag?

4) I totally love THIS Tee. Am I too old for it?

5) LittleMiss and AngelBaby are watching The Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan - who would have thought that she would turn out to be such a lush when she made this cute movie.

6) I have had Vanity Fair and another movie that I can't remember (I never even opened it) from Netflix for almost a month ... I should probably send them back - like TTQ suggests, but I really want to see Vanity Fair - because I love Reese Witherspoon.

7) Speaking of Reese - I am not really sure what to make of the rumors about her and Jake Gyllenhaal. They are both cute and successful, but I just can't picture it.

8) Although I do think that Kate & Owen and Drew & Spike look exceptionally cute together ...

9) LittleMiss is learning how to write ... she knows her letters but doesn't really know words yet. So she keeps writing all of these letters - on paper, dry erase boards, coloring books, whatever she can get her hands on - and then asking What does this SAY MaaMaa? What do you say when it say gehsalopwreomovdwsaq? I tried making up an answer but she is just too smart for that - no it doesn't MaaMaa ... what does it really say? gggrrr.

10) It's 12:30 and I haven't taken a shower yet, if I didn't have to go places this evening - I don't think I would. I feel a little hazy.

11) The Easter Bunny - do you do it? If so, do you do it for your teens and what do you put in the basket?

12) I am trying to figure out how I feel about the Angelina Jolie adoption thing. Why haven't they addressed the fact that Brad doesn't seem at all involved? In my mind I am sure it will be just like Zahara ... where they will change his name when they are back in the States, but you would think that he (Brad) would have something to say about it. I'm just sayin' ...

13) I have to cook another large meal tonight ... for a family reunion type gathering (not mine - I am preparing food for their party for $$$) - I am making an Italian dish that generally calls for mushrooms, but I can't decide if I should use them - because my family likes them I didn't realize until recently how much so people (a lot of people) don't actually care for them ... I might just make half and half ...

14) Is it possible to be hungry and full at the same time? That's how I feel right now.

15) If you get a chance ... wander over to Manic Mom's blog. She is feeling a wee bit down and could use some encouragement.

16) It's Saturday ... it's raining, I am still in my PJ's, Mr. Farmer made coffee before he went out to the field (nice of him huh? - but I don't think it is helping the heart burn), I did get to sleep in until 8am and I don't have to be anywhere for 4 more hours ... things could be worse :O)

Hope your weekend is terrific ....and a festive St. Patricks Day!

Frannie

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. Robert Anderson

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. Martin Luther King, Jr.

And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. Revelation 5:9

Binge and Purge.

2007-03-16T09:38:00.000-07:00

Not a pretty title ...
and really if one is discussing Binge and Purge in the true sense of the word(s) - not a pretty topic.

But I am not heading down that particular path today ... nope. I am talking about Binge and Purge in other areas.

Like clothes. Or shoes.

An area that many women know all too much about ... (Leigh Ann - self professed bulimic shopper). I have been know to buy several of the same shirts - in different colors, of course - on a whim ... only to never actually remove the tags and wear said shirts.

Shoes ... don't even get me started ...

As I mentioned last week - I have been giving things aways in a frenzy. Purging. I have been purging. And it feels terrific. Yesterday I gave 2 large GLAD bags to a friend who quit smoking and has been gaining here and there ... who wants to buy new when you are praying that you don't stay there?

Today I took 2 more bags to a shelter that helps women get back on their feet after domestic violence. They got shoes galore ... most of them still had the tags on them - what was I thinking?

Another what was I thinking? ...

It has a matching purse. Did I ever wear it? NO! (mine was similar to this ... couldn't find an actual picture of it - not so shocking really!)

This morning, I showed it to a gal I know who is losing weight - but has quite a lot to lose before she hits my bigger sizes. She l.o.v.e.d. it. Said it would motivate her. Ok! I have given her all (most) of my old professional duds. It makes me happy to see her thrilled w/her new stuff.

So, what really got me to thinkin' about the old Binge and Purge - actually had little to do with food or my previous obsession of buying ~~shit~~ things I don't need (I am not getting into my stationary ~~drawer~~ file cabinet) ... and more to do about friendships.

Does it seem like sometimes you have more friends than you know what to do with ... and other times when you feel like you really need 'em - there just doesn't seem to be a friend any where - or at least not the appropriate friend for the occasion.

Some will say that you can never have too many friends ... I don't think I can take that view - I understand it but I don't believe it is so. If you have too many friends, it becomes difficult to cultivate a true, deep connection with anyone in particular. As women, I think we need that deep friendship - at least one person that we can say anything to, who will still love and respect us after we have uttered those foolish (incriminating) words.

I can't speak for men, but it seems that they don't require this type of interaction as much as women do ... men (all two of you) please correct me if I am wrong.

What is funny though, is that while in the shower this morning I found myself saying I am just not a very good blogger friend ... I feel like I am constantly getting behind in reading the blogs that I love - I have too many favorites to keep track - too many categories (funny, mommies, Christians, the cheaters, the cheated, celeb gossip, educational, world news - ok well the last one is a lie ... but I wish it were true) - I don't comment as often as I think I should - I am not as witty as the other comments, as insightful ...

I have been binging with my blogging buddies ... however, I am not prepared to purge. There aren't any that I want to give up ... I like them all - maybe not equally, because they all do something for me ... when I need them - during the appropriate occasion - I value them all.

What am I saying? Who the heck knows? Perhaps I want to say just cause I don't come around as often as I should -- it doesn't mean I don't care ... I do.

Frannie

ps - guess I am skipping Frannie's Friday Fourteen - maybe I'll have to go for Saturday Sixteen ...

Keep praying, but be thankful that God's answers are wiser than your prayers! -William Culbertson

He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. Colossians 1:18

In line at the DMV.

2007-03-15T20:38:00.000-07:00

Because it is my favorite place in the world, I thought I would share my experience with YOU!
Feelin' lucky? Ya should.

I have a birthday comin' up in the next couple of months - no I won't say when because I am tryin' to leave out specific details so *people* who don't love me as much as y'all don't try to use it all against me some day ... paranoid much? Yea - whatever!

Ok, so the birthday .. which this year means I need to get a new drivers license ... I learned that I could have just done it on live if I had saved the stupid postcard that they sent to remind me that I am another year older ... but obviously they have never been to my home because if they had, they would know that there is no way I could keep track of a flimsy little postcard ... which apparently has some super secret never to be repeated numbers on it ...

Digressing again - its gonna happen tonight - just warnin' ya right now!

So, off I go - kids in tow ... to the funnest place on earth! YeeHaw! Since they are feelin' better my girlies are more that a little snarky this week. I knew that heading to the DMV would be a challenge, but I went in armed with coloring books, *homework* books (as LittleMiss likes to call anything that you actually write in), fruit snacks, fruit juice, lollipops (bribery - I am not above it!) and stickers (major bribery there!)

We arrive as early as we possibly can - not as early as they open - but as early as I am capable of getting there. Of course on the way there both LittleMiss and AngelBaby have decided to remove their socks and shoes and in my search I am only able to find on of AngelBaby's socks ... what gives with that? So I attempt to put her shoes on with out socks which results in a bevy of screams that I am certain will alert the CSP office across the street ... some swift thinking reminds me that I have a bag of give away shoes and sandals in the back of the big rig - AngelBaby is never one to pass up an opportunity to wear sandals ... so after digging through the giant glad bag, I locate a pare that I can squeeze her chubby little feet into ...

Whew ... off we go!

We enter and go to take our number ... you know those little pull out tabs that always tear. Yea, well we each have to have one - or else more screamin' is sure to ensue. We are numbers 89, 90, 91. The numbers at each of the 6 (S-I-X) stations - (on a Thursday morning thank.you.very.freakin.much!) 12 - 16 - 4 (wt?) 27 - 28 - 24. The odds of gettin' this all wrapped up by lunch = slim!

And my babies ... I just wanna tell you how sweet and polite they were. How obedient ... how much they listened when I spoke ... yea, I could tell you all that, but you would know that I was lying!

If I didn't know better, I would have sworn these they took a liberal dose of Ritalin before we left the house -- that makes you hyper, right? I haven't ever actually seen it ... but I think that is what I have heard ... and so, they were simply buzzin' --- this DMV is fairly new and is a decent size .. there is a lot of excess space at the back of the room (thank heavens!) and so they ran - back and forth, back and forth. For a good hour - and still we hadn't been called - in fact, the highest number on the board was 53 or something ...

All I can think at this point is that I really (really, really, really) wish that I had a laptop, so that I could blog about all of the weirdo's there ... these people are messed up! Are they lookin' at me thinkin' the same thing ... for letting my girls run semi-wild? hmmm.

An hour - that is all my girls can do. They simply can not stay semi-behaved for more than an hour in one spot. It just doesn't happen.

The breakdown begins and my face is crimson. Seriously. I am sitting there, thinking I am going to throw up from embarrassment - or maybe those fruit snacks ... blech. AngelBaby is runnin' from creepy person to creepy person sayin' "I four ... Hi I four". Which is one thing on its own - except she isn't four! Not even close. So I am sure that people think she is a little developmentally challenged ... but I do not want to talk to these people to defend my baby ... I just wanna go home.

I spend the next hour steering AngelBaby away from one pedophile looking guy, then she runs to a teen aged boy with piercings in every part of his body ... she giggles, he blushes -- thank God HeartBreaker wasn't there ... he could have certainly been her next potential boyfriend - if she was allowed to have one ...

She swoops away from me, to run directly in to an old lady who looks eerily like Mrs. Doubtfire, using a walker. A walker - I find myself praying that either she is just here for a new ID card - or - that I leave before she does ... then she speaks -- and she sounds just like Mrs. Doubtfire ... Ohhh, you better watch out lass, I almost ran ya over with my little buggy here ... you have to pay attention to your mother dear - you can get hurt in a place like this ... blah, blah, blah. I swear she was lecturing me. Right there in the DMV - maybe she was an older NANNY 911 - not that I could use Nanny 911's services, but I was pretty freaked by this time ... and exhausted and freakin' PO'd!

We scuttle to a corner and I bring out the lollipop ... praying that this bribery will work -- and shockingly it did. For the seven additional moments that we had to wait until #89 was called. We head up - the long walk of shame - to the window and just as I get there the lady is moving to #90 ... because we are freakin' slow ... duh, can't she see me headin' up there all breathless and such ...

Anywho, it doesn't matter, because we have #90 too! One small blessing at a time baby ...

The lady gives me the instructions in her best Rosie Perez voice - so, ju.jus.wanna.put.jur.head right.there.in.that.cup. Read the top line ... yada, yada, yada (yea, I can't write an accent - sue me.)

And then she says so, do.ju.wanna.change.da.weight? What, I say. The.weight, is.not.right. I am all set to be insulted ... the irony is that this happened to me last time I was there ... 4-5 years ago, something like that ... the gal said the same thing (with a Asian accent instead) ... all 96 pounds of her told me that it might appear that I did not weigh the 108 pounds listed on my drivers licence - the weight that I gave when I got my original learners permit ... the weight that I didn't weigh then and probably have never weighed -- well, perhaps in the 5th grade, but that is a stretch because I know I weighed 121 in the 6th grade and was mortified by that fact ...

Ok, so back to Rosie ... She says Honey, theweightitsnotright, jucantweighthat. I just stared and then had to grab AngelBaby as she was about to run into the line where they take your picture ... so I glare at Rosie, am about to say something snide - and she says baby, ju.have.lost.alotta.weight - be happy!

Well, of course now I just wanna take Rosie home and ... well with me everywhere so she can tell everyone that I look better now than I did the last time I got my drivers license. At the very least I want to give her a hug or some fruit snacks - well on second thought, the fruit snacks are still in the pit of my tummy ...

So, can you believe it ... after almost 3 hours - or was it 4? - I walked out of the DMV with a giant smile on my face -- I even took LittleMiss and AngelBaby to DQ for ice cream ... and no, I didn't eat any ...

My horoscope today said something about control, freedom and endurance... all in all, I think the fact that I made it through the day indicates that I don't have any control, freedom is how you define it and endurance... certainly it takes endurance to get through a day with my sweet babies ...

Frannie

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. - Grandma Moses

A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success. -Dr. Joyce Brothers

Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death -- that is, the devil. Hebrews 2:14

Horoscopes ...

2007-03-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

Here is mine, for the day;

Slow down Frannie. You are moving too quickly.
The stability you hunger for is right there, with in you, if only you would stop long enough to see it.

Now part of me thinks blah, blah, blah - duh, duh, duh ... It's all inside of me - we are always missing something that is right there if only we would stop and smell the roses. How many times have we heard that?

Of course it is easier to look back on something and realize that the right answer was right there in your grasp ... but isn't that how we become who we are? Take the challenges, turning the wrong way once in a while, occasionally saying out loud what we should have held inside?

Of course I should sit back and relax. Of course I should appreciate more what I have. It doesn't take a horoscope, a spouse, a Dr. or even a shrink to teach me that. My heart tells me that all the time ... its my mind that gets caught up in the chaos that is life.

Ok, enough said ... In the words of Scarlett I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow. After all... tomorrow is another day. (to mess up! :O)

Frannie

4 And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

5 The fool folds his hands and ruins himself.

6 Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil
and chasing after the wind.

Ecclesiastes 4

Frannie's Fixin's & Cookin' Tips

2007-03-13T20:28:00.000-07:00

Fried foods ... who likes the smell? The mess ...
Here's what you do:

Put a small bowl of white household vinegar next to the stove to prevent that horrid *there some fat a burnin'* smell. Trust me .. really, this does the trick!

Here are some good eats ... with a twist ...

Spicy Chicken & Pistachio Enchiladas

Here's what ya need:

1 lb fresh tomatillos; (you can use canned tomatillos, fresh is better)
2 garlic cloves; peeled
2 jalapeno peppers; seeded
2 tb fresh cilantro leaves
2 tb chopped onion
1/3 cup sour cream
1/3 cup plain yogurt
1/4 ts salt
1/3 cup canned diced green chilies
6 corn tortillas
2 cup cooked shredded chicken
2 cup shredded pepper jack cheese
1 cup chopped pistachio’s

Here's what ya do:

If using fresh tomatillos, prepare by washing and removing husks.
Place in saucepan, cover with water and simmer until tender, about 5
to 7 minutes; drain.
If using canned tomatillos, drain and discard liquid.
For sauce, mince garlic, jalapenos, cilantro and onions in blender.
Add drained tomatillos, sour cream, yogurt, and salt; puree.
Mix in green chilies and set aside.
Soften tortillas either by frying on both sides in a small amount of
olive or corn oil. In the center of each tortilla, put aprox. 2 tbs each of chicken, sauce and cheese. Add about 2 tbs chopped pistachio.
Pour 1/4 of the sauce in the bottom of a greased 9x12-inch baking dish.
Place filled enchiladas in dish and pour remaining sauce over top.
Sprinkle with remaining cheese and then with pistachio’s.
Bake at 375 oven until heated through (cheese should bubble) maybe 20 minutes or so.

So you don't like Pistachio's ... add any other kind of nut -- or don't add any at ... its still good!

Monday, Monday ... so glad Monday is D.O.N.E!

Frannie

Prayer--secret, fervent, believing prayer--lies at the root of all personal godliness. -William Carey

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. -Doug Larson

He [Jesus] is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17

And here we go again.

2007-03-09T11:07:00.000-08:00

It hit SweetiePie this morning. She isn't vomiting yet, but as I drove her to school she turned an odd shade of green ... I promptly turned the car around and sent her back to bed. She is still asleep.

I am feeling strangely green myself. But for the moment I am going to chalk it up to drinking a pot (yes, that is something like 8 cups) of cheap coffee - I ran out of the good stuff and picked this up when I got the Superman Popsicles at Walgreens. urgh ... I feel ill.

Ok, so in the spirit of happiness ... and because I haven't done it in over a month ... here is Frannie's Friday Fourteen ... 14 odd thoughts on my mind.

1) Is it wrong that I just put the same pie plate back in the dishwasher for the 6th or 7th time ... rather than washing it by hand?

2) I found myself sleeping face to face with AngelBaby (in the middle of the night somewhere), we were breathing in each others breath ... there is something I love about that. I used to (use to? no one answered that question) do that a lot when my babies were babies.

3) I just read this story about ANS's Native son. All I can say is - that is some weird sh*t. Girl is dead and still the stories get stranger and stranger ... she is livin' up to the Marilyn Monroe strangeness.

4) Mr. Farmer decided that stayin' at his bro's was probably not the best idea, and I didn't have to say a word.

5) I can't believe how sick to my stomach I feel. I was really hoping to fold some laundry with Mr. Farmer tonight ... not seeing that happening at the moment.

6) We watched Eloise (at the Plaza) four times yesterday and I realized where I get my habit of repeating (in writing and in speech) things three times (it's cold, cold, cold in here) -- it's from Nanny ... I am taking on the habits of a frumpy Julie Andrews. Yikes (yikes, yikes!)

7) Speaking of Eloise, did you know that they made the two movies (Eloise at the Plaza & Eloise at Christmastime) back to back so that the child actress (Sofia Vassilieva) would not age, because the author (Kay Thompson) feared that any additional spin-offs would be poor quality. And ... I was shocked to see that Sofia is now on the show Medium, since I don't have cable and I probably wouldn't watch that show if I did ... it was just a shock to see her so grown up!!

8) I can't seem to focus, I keep surfing blogs and such while I am trying to write ... but I am determined to finish this ... and read a book this weekend ... I don't know which one, as I have at least 20 sitting on my bedside table. How do you put one of those book-list-thingy's on your sidebar anyway?

9) I got an email yesterday from someone that I gave some of my BBQ sauce to (for Christmas) and he wants buy some. He thought I bought it - ummm and rebottled it with my name?? ... anywho, now comes the issue - I didn't have a recipe ... I just made it up, like I do everything. How can I possibly charge someone for something if I don't know what I am doing?

10) I have had over 3,800 visits since I started this blog. That really surprises me!!! And largest majority are from Illinois ... which surprises me even more -- thanks to all who stop by and put up with my nonsensical ramblings ..

11) AngelBaby is currently running around in a summer halter dress, her snow boots and a blanket as her cape. Too cute, I am tellin' ya! She keeps running up to me and kissing my arm .... I think she wants me to stop ... ummm too bad.

12) SweetiePie woke up and is now bored! Of course, now that it is too late to go to school - on a Friday none the less. Why can't I remember all of the tricks I used to (use to?) pull. Naive mommy ... very naive.

13) My kids love Life Cereal - they could finish off a box in a day if I let them ... recently I got some Vanilla Yogurt Crunch Life, thinking it might be a nice change (sometimes I get the Cinnamon, but ususally it is just the original stuff) - this stuff is just gross ... ick, ick, ick! None of them will even touch it, and I have to admit that I am not gonna either. blech!

14) 14 strange (or not) ways people get to Frannie's Blog:
* scrambled eggs by good cooks for 50 people ... good luck w/that!
* pregnant wife - give her eggs! The chocolate kind.
* can nine month old eat scrambled eggs - not a good idea.
* how long can you keep baked eggs - one to two days tops!
* fun thing you can do to eggs - I don't want to know.
* Like Water for Chocolate, sanity and insanity - Fabulous read!!!
* tara reid scrambled eggs - Tara Reid .. scrambled everything.
* U N S C R A M B L E . b l o g s p o t . c o m - not found, bet you knew that already.
* stephanie klein - Greek Tragedy.
* ben Affleck - meh.
* mark ruffalo - grrrr tiger ...
* Ina Garten, nude - Barefoot Contessa, not nude but pretty cool anyway.
* Eggs with out milk - you don't have to use milk, you can add a little water, olive oil, butter, sour cream or even Crème Fraîche.
* what to do with anxiety attacks, can't breathe - go to www.anxieties.com.

~ Happy Friday!
Frannie

Let everyone understand that the real love of God does not consist in tear-shedding...but in serving God by serving those around us, in justice, fortitude of soul, and humility. -St. Teresa of Avila

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. -Warren Buffet

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect... 1 Peter 3:15