Well, I suppose that is one way to look at things.
I don't - look at it that way, but it could be one way to look at it.
I was heartened by the comments my last post - remarks that relate to the loss of friendship ... to the sadness of change. I was comforted to see that even the guys go through such things.
I love that some of you think I am worth hanging on to. I think I am too ... I am a good friend, a good listener ... but I am honest. I always (mostly) preface an answer by saying do you want the truth (my opinion) or do you want to hear wheat you want/need to hear?
I don't think honesty is why this particular friendship is ending. I am not even sure if I would say our friendship is ending ... I think my friend will say, when asked, that we are good friends. I would say the same. We aren't enemies. We aren't angry. We just aren't the same. Something changed.
Here are 14 comments that I have regarding your comments ...
1. I am not an angel. I can be hell on wheels some days. My migraines do, at times, cause a strain on any relationship that I have. (IE, sometimes I am less dependable because I never know when the pain will come).
2. I am a warm person. I give it my all. If I am your friend - I am your friend! I will defend you and I will take care of you! I am a nurturing friend.
3. I never, ever, ever mind new people popping in on my blog -- as long as they are nice and aren't trying to sell Viagra. :)
4. I am not sure why the end of grown up friendships hurt more that those of our childhood. Perhaps the childhood friendships just fade more easily. We anticipate their end when we go off to college, get married, travel the world - because you know think we will travel the world when we finish college!
5. I do think *closeness* is an issue for this friend. It is something that we discussed when we first became friends. She is used to people disappointing her, sometimes it is easier to cut bait before you get hurt. I have been this way (A LOT) in my life so I understand it. It just sucks to be on the receiving end.
6. I don't think she meant to be rude. I think she just didn't know how to say *it*, whatever *it* is. I know that she would never intentionally hurt LittleMiss - I think she was able to use the chaos of her life to excuse the behavior. whatever.
7. T -- don't be surprised if Frannie and co just show up in your area this summer. I have no idea how I am going to keep them all busy this summer. A road trip just might do the trick. Of course I would have to sell one of them just to pay for the gas though :O).
8.I have spoken to a few people about this subject (over the last year or so) and it seems that there are just times in our lives when relationships end. Maybe it is age. Maybe it is situational. I know a number of people that are at the almost 4-0 mark and it appears that this is a big transitional time -- marriages, jobs, children ... with the ending or beginning of these things, friendships also change - fade or vanish.
9. I just didn't think that this is what being a grown up would be like. I feel almost silly. My parents and my aunts & uncles all seem to have these core group of people that they have been friends with for eons. They vacation together. They celebrate together - and they mourn and grieve together. I guess I thought there was a magic age that you just had those types of relationships ... now I realize that not everyone has them.
10. If it were a matter of her just being a screw up - like my friend who is cheatin' on her man or another friend who has become friendlier with the white powder than people - I think it would be easier to take. It might also be easier if I hadn't revealed so much of myself.
11. Like Jag, I don't do anything lightly either. I take friendship - all relationships really - quite seriously. It takes me some time to warm up ... some time to be open about myself - my life, my pain ... I don't share my heart quickly, but when I do I mean it! That is the reason it hurts when things end.
12. My first instinct - was to wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Why do people come in and out of my life so easily? What makes me so disposable? If I was a complete b.i.t.c.h. I could understand ... If I was too mamby pamby I could understand. But I'm not. I am nice, even tempered, I don't offer advice (too much) unless I am asked ... I care deeply but I am not too mushy ... oh well. Perhaps there aren't any answers.
13. At least this time I know that I was completely honest, I tried my hardest, I didn't do anything wrong. I maintained my dignity (thank you Hilary Duff). It truly isn't me - it's her.
14. I wholeheartedly agree that God brings people into our lives for a reason - sometimes for a short time and sometimes for the long haul. There is a poem (Reason Season Lifetime) that speaks of this ...it is a good poem, so read it if you get a chance .. you probably already have - but I like it.
It is sad when relationships end. It is difficult to start over - the part I dislike the most. But I am certain that it all happens for a purpose and I know that I haven't ever had a relationship that didn't help me grow in on one way or another -- sometimes it just takes longer to realize the purpose of a particular relationship...
Blessings - and Happy Friday ...
Frannie
Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don't say.
Author unknown
Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. Luke 3:8
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5 comments:
I know what you mean. It's tough when friends fade away, I've had too many friends leave, and it always hurts. I guess what is important is to remember the good times. In the end that is all we have.
It is so hard to have adult friendships end, I guess because it seems to be more about choice than circumstance. I remember lying on my bed once, crying, just missing one of my friends so much, and thinking, "Why don't people try harder to stay friends?" I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation, it's really not you. I promise.
Ah, Frannie, if you are having this much trouble with the loss of your friend, think about the loss your friend must feel- that person to share plans and dreams, those children who shared with your children. There are no simple explanations, life is far too complex. It happens to the best of us.
It's always tough when that happens, but you can't waste your time stressing over something that is not your fault. Easier said than done, I know.
Your last post kind of hit a nerve with me even though I didn't comment much. I've been thinking about all the friendships I've let drift away. Not because I stopped liking the people. For me it's been more of a time issue. Between my writing and family it's so much harder to find the time to be social then when I was younger. That's why I enjoy blogging. It's a great way to enjoy people without worrying about social obligations. Or maybe I'm just trying to justify my behavior. I don't know.
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