Ok, maybe not.
I made it through Christmas. I wasn't a total Grinch. The kids ended up with a few gifts and CPS never stopped by to question me about AngelBaby's knife wielding adventures ...
although I have noticed that the Fed-Ex guy approaches our house with a little more caution these days.
We got snow on Christmas day, so the kids had a grand time making snow angels - in the .25 inches that accumulated (and was gone by evening).
True to form, Mr. Farmer failed to deliver fabulous gifts ... he just isn't any good at the stuff ... but it's ok because I had already ordered this beauty before Christmas - now I just have to figure out how to work it in to my wardrobe.
A big (or not) plus this season -- I managed to get through the numerous feasts without gaining any weight. I didn't lose anything (I have about 5 pounds left to reach my goal) but I didn't expect to.
We have been talking about New Years Resolutions around here. I am not going to make any, because I know that I am not likely to keep any that come immediately to mind ... Mr. Farmer, however, has 2 or 3 that he thinks he will stick to.
What about you? And big resolutions or revolutions?
I am going to take down the tree today ... funny, everyone wants to *help* put it up, but no one wants to help me take it down!
Blessings ...
Frannie
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.”
Erma Bombeck (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
Nothin'
I've done nothin'.
Bah humbug!
Here it is the 21st ... and I haven't even started. I just can't seem to get into the mood.
Mr. Farmer and the kids put up the faux Christmas tree, but I still can't get into it.
Friends, family and neighbors have dropped by with copious amounts of cookies, candies and other treats -- and I am still not there yet.
Maybe I need to visit Santa and sit on his lap ... ask for the Christmas spirit ... hmmmm .... but that would mean a trip to the mall and I just don't have it in me. Especially not with the terrorizing AngelBaby in tow ...
She has taken her terrorizing to new levels and I am shy about even leaving the house with her ... actually I am she about staying home with her too.
Case in point; this morning I lug her upstairs and lock her in my room (I was there too!) so that I can take a shower. Now generally she just yammers on and on, occasionally flushing the toilet toSCALD MOMMY catch my attention, unrolling the toilet paper or attempting to flush the entire roll ... you know, usual toddler fun ... I digress ... this morning though, she is very quiet - I know this means trouble but I can only wash rinse and repeat so quickly - I call her name over and over, no answer ... finally I emerge from the shower, still a little soapy, and see that she is GONE. Not in the room. The door is open. Yikes.
Haphazardly I wrap a towel around me and run downstairs (we currently have NO CURTAINS, so this is NOT a pretty sight) only to find AngelBaby with a steak knife in hand attempting to open the Christmas box sent cross-country from Grandma. Scary huh?
Oh ... it gets better!
1. She is naked
2. She has stabbed at least 10-15 holes in to said box
and 3. The Fed-ex guy is standing at the door!
Yep, me in my towel ... a naked AngelBaby wielding a knife ...
Good Times ... really good times ...
Merry Christmas!
Frannie
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. ~Fran Lebowitz
Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD has risen upon you. For darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the LORD will arise upon you, and his glory will appear over you. Nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Lift up your eyes and look around; they all gather together, they come to you; your sons shall come from far away, and your daughters shall be carried on their nurses' arms. Then you shall see and be radiant; your heart shall thrill and rejoice, because the abundance of the sea shall be brought to you, the wealth of the nations shall come to you. A multitude of camels shall cover you, the young camels of Midian and Ephah; all those from Sheba shall come. They shall bring gold and frankincense, and shall proclaim the praise of the LORD. Isaiah 60:1-6
Bah humbug!
Here it is the 21st ... and I haven't even started. I just can't seem to get into the mood.
Mr. Farmer and the kids put up the faux Christmas tree, but I still can't get into it.
Friends, family and neighbors have dropped by with copious amounts of cookies, candies and other treats -- and I am still not there yet.
Maybe I need to visit Santa and sit on his lap ... ask for the Christmas spirit ... hmmmm .... but that would mean a trip to the mall and I just don't have it in me. Especially not with the terrorizing AngelBaby in tow ...
She has taken her terrorizing to new levels and I am shy about even leaving the house with her ... actually I am she about staying home with her too.
Case in point; this morning I lug her upstairs and lock her in my room (I was there too!) so that I can take a shower. Now generally she just yammers on and on, occasionally flushing the toilet to
Haphazardly I wrap a towel around me and run downstairs (we currently have NO CURTAINS, so this is NOT a pretty sight) only to find AngelBaby with a steak knife in hand attempting to open the Christmas box sent cross-country from Grandma. Scary huh?
Oh ... it gets better!
1. She is naked
2. She has stabbed at least 10-15 holes in to said box
and 3. The Fed-ex guy is standing at the door!
Yep, me in my towel ... a naked AngelBaby wielding a knife ...
Good Times ... really good times ...
Merry Christmas!
Frannie
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. ~Fran Lebowitz
Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD has risen upon you. For darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the LORD will arise upon you, and his glory will appear over you. Nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Lift up your eyes and look around; they all gather together, they come to you; your sons shall come from far away, and your daughters shall be carried on their nurses' arms. Then you shall see and be radiant; your heart shall thrill and rejoice, because the abundance of the sea shall be brought to you, the wealth of the nations shall come to you. A multitude of camels shall cover you, the young camels of Midian and Ephah; all those from Sheba shall come. They shall bring gold and frankincense, and shall proclaim the praise of the LORD. Isaiah 60:1-6
Monday, December 17, 2007
There's nothing there.
That is what they tell me. They don't know why.
Why so often.
Why so hard.
Why medication doesn't help.
Why me.
I am left thinking ... why doesn't *good news* fell good?
I don't have a tumor or a anything fatal.
Good new, right?
Of course.
but ...
here I am left wondering ... why. what. how. when.
There is something.
There has to be a reason why it hurts so much, so often.
Why I am unable to function at least once weekly.
More tests.
That is the pat answer. See this person, that specialist ... over there -- far away.
Or ...
try this medication and that medication - oh why not add this one ... it might help.
help dull the pain -- but not
FIX THE PROBLEM.
or even remotely identify the problem.
Try this cocktail ... then that one ... red pill, blue pill, 1/2 the pink every other Monday at noon and six ...
no.
NO!
NO!
I don't want to.
And you can't make me.
can they?
Well, of course not. But when the pain is so bad and there aren't any answers in sight ... I am left
wondering ... how.
And ... feeling like a martyr. and I hate that. I hate it because I don't want to be the person that can never truly say "I'm fine" ... I'm NOT fine. I am barely "ok" on most days. and I hate repeating myself over and over and over ... a broken record. I hate it that I want to scream at people, nice people who just want to know and reassure .. but ask questions that I can't (or won't) answer ... I want to scream NOTHING HAS CHANGED ... no answers here.
but I don't. Scream. ever.
Only in my head.
this is my blog and I won't apologize for weeping here ... because here is where I can scream ... even if just a little. I hope you understand.
Frannie
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. Carl Sandburg
You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you. May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel. Psalm 69:5-6
Why so often.
Why so hard.
Why medication doesn't help.
Why me.
I am left thinking ... why doesn't *good news* fell good?
I don't have a tumor or a anything fatal.
Good new, right?
Of course.
but ...
here I am left wondering ... why. what. how. when.
There is something.
There has to be a reason why it hurts so much, so often.
Why I am unable to function at least once weekly.
More tests.
That is the pat answer. See this person, that specialist ... over there -- far away.
Or ...
try this medication and that medication - oh why not add this one ... it might help.
help dull the pain -- but not
FIX THE PROBLEM.
or even remotely identify the problem.
Try this cocktail ... then that one ... red pill, blue pill, 1/2 the pink every other Monday at noon and six ...
no.
NO!
NO!
I don't want to.
And you can't make me.
can they?
Well, of course not. But when the pain is so bad and there aren't any answers in sight ... I am left
wondering ... how.
And ... feeling like a martyr. and I hate that. I hate it because I don't want to be the person that can never truly say "I'm fine" ... I'm NOT fine. I am barely "ok" on most days. and I hate repeating myself over and over and over ... a broken record. I hate it that I want to scream at people, nice people who just want to know and reassure .. but ask questions that I can't (or won't) answer ... I want to scream NOTHING HAS CHANGED ... no answers here.
but I don't. Scream. ever.
Only in my head.
this is my blog and I won't apologize for weeping here ... because here is where I can scream ... even if just a little. I hope you understand.
Frannie
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. Carl Sandburg
You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you. May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel. Psalm 69:5-6
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Testing 123, testing 123
Can you hear me now?
I hope so.
Some days I feel guilty for even thinking about keeping this blog alive ... but mostly I am looking forward to a time (10 years maybe?) when I can write when I want, what I want. On a computer that actually functions as it should ... mine continues to crash and it will likely take me an hour to pound out this post ... grrr ... ah well!
The last few weeks have been challenging. Testing really. Literally and figuratively.
My migraines have gotten worse and so have some other symptoms that I never thought to mention before. I can certainly feel for my friend TTQ who goes through such tests on a regular basis. They suck! Blown veins, loud machines, rude (abrupt) technicians, doctors who don't have enough time to sit down and talk to you. It Sucks!
On the positive side, my PCP (primary care provider) is wonderful, and pushy and aggressive and seems to actually give a damn about my health and especially my ability to function! So, at least I feel like I have an advocate on my side.
I still can't sit down very well. But the pain isn't as bad as it was ... of course that could have a little something to do with the copious amounts of medication that I can currently on ... but whatever.
I have been keeping VERY busy with my cookin' gigs. The amount I was paid last week to prepare a home cooked meal for two made me BLUSH! But, I'll take it because right now all my cookin' money is paying for all these tests ... so it is a blessing that someone is willing to pay me for something I am going to do anyway!
My girls are wonderful. They don't really know what is going on, I don't want to freak them out with all of this information until I understand what it all means ... if I ever understand what it all means.
Mr. Farmer has done pretty well too. He tends to put his head in the sand when it comes to uncomfortable issues, but this time he has had to take the lead a little more.
I have skipped around to a few of my favorite blogs and am sad to see that some of my closest blogger friends are going through rough times. I won't mention them by name ... but this is a rough season for people, so if you are a Prayin' person -- just give a shout out to all of those who are in pain this holiday season.
I want to say more, I know I have more to say .... but I am comin' up empty. Seems to happen when I actually take a moment to write -- if only I could write when my brain thinks of good posts ...
Ah well, I am wishing you all a wonderfully blesses holiday season!
Love those around you. Tell them. Show them. Take time. Embrase life. It all goes too quickly and you just can't predict what tomorrow will bring.
Love,
Frannie
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes. Charles R. Swindoll
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe. Philippians 2:14-15
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Aches, pains and banana milkshakes
The more things change, the more they stay the same. Right?
Well, it certainly seems to be the case for Frannie.
I seem to be on a medical decline. I have to wonder if *this* is life after 35. There always seems to be something that is hurt, broken or otherwise not working ... and I am just talkin' about this old body.
Last week I took a tumble. A fairly bad tumble. Child in arms. On the pavement.
I landed flat on my a$$. and it HURTS. A lot! I am pretty sure I cracked my tail bone .. but have been told that there is nothing they can do about if even it I did. So, I have an inflatable donut the keeps deflating (I can only image what it would be like if I hadn't lost weight -- for both the donut and the tail bone).
Of course I didn't just hurt the ole butt bone .. I also sprained my wrist and my ankle. Just call me gimpy! Seriously ... I just sorta hobble along. Driving sucks. Working at home sucks ... well at least the part where I am supposed to sit in my chair for hours on end and type.
I had to stop my daily walks because it is just too painful, which means I have gained 4 pounds, just days before a major formal event that I am to be a presenter at. (I know that doesn't sounds like much, but it is just enough to make my sassy dress a little too snug for comfort!)
I know, I know, b*tch and moan, b*tch and moan. I can't help it.
It does get better though. Really.
This morning I went in for yet another dental surgery (I think this is the 3rd in a month - 6 weeks) ... I had to sit still in the dental chair for nearly three hours - and now my mouth is throbbing ... and although I have taken the perscribed pain meds, I can hardly stand the pain. I had 4 children without pain meds ... what gives?
So I can't eat. Well I can't chew. This should mean that I have a shot a losing the 4 pounds by Saturday night ... but somehow I doubt it when all I want is Banana Milkshakes. I tried them with Fat Free Frozen Yogurt but it just isn't the same.
It's not all bad though ...
I just finished reading a good book Wish by Melina Gerosa Bellows and started another The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri.
I only have two dental appointments left and then all of the bad (painful) work should be done.
I have been asked to cater 6 parties between now and new years ... and then a Valentines Day dinner. And I will actually make money on these.
AngelBaby is almost potty trained.
SweetiePie got an excellent report card.
LittleMiss is really blossoming in school.
Heartbreaker seems to be mellowing her teen angst. Just a wee bit, but I'll take it.
Mr. Farmer has been working overtime ... and while that makes it hard when I am feelin' some serious pain -- we need the serious ca$h!
I think I need a nap now ...
Frannie
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. Erma Bombeck
I [Paul] thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you [Timothy] in my prayers. 2 Timothy 1:3
Well, it certainly seems to be the case for Frannie.
I seem to be on a medical decline. I have to wonder if *this* is life after 35. There always seems to be something that is hurt, broken or otherwise not working ... and I am just talkin' about this old body.
Last week I took a tumble. A fairly bad tumble. Child in arms. On the pavement.
I landed flat on my a$$. and it HURTS. A lot! I am pretty sure I cracked my tail bone .. but have been told that there is nothing they can do about if even it I did. So, I have an inflatable donut the keeps deflating (I can only image what it would be like if I hadn't lost weight -- for both the donut and the tail bone).
Of course I didn't just hurt the ole butt bone .. I also sprained my wrist and my ankle. Just call me gimpy! Seriously ... I just sorta hobble along. Driving sucks. Working at home sucks ... well at least the part where I am supposed to sit in my chair for hours on end and type.
I had to stop my daily walks because it is just too painful, which means I have gained 4 pounds, just days before a major formal event that I am to be a presenter at. (I know that doesn't sounds like much, but it is just enough to make my sassy dress a little too snug for comfort!)
I know, I know, b*tch and moan, b*tch and moan. I can't help it.
It does get better though. Really.
This morning I went in for yet another dental surgery (I think this is the 3rd in a month - 6 weeks) ... I had to sit still in the dental chair for nearly three hours - and now my mouth is throbbing ... and although I have taken the perscribed pain meds, I can hardly stand the pain. I had 4 children without pain meds ... what gives?
So I can't eat. Well I can't chew. This should mean that I have a shot a losing the 4 pounds by Saturday night ... but somehow I doubt it when all I want is Banana Milkshakes. I tried them with Fat Free Frozen Yogurt but it just isn't the same.
It's not all bad though ...
I just finished reading a good book Wish by Melina Gerosa Bellows and started another The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri.
I only have two dental appointments left and then all of the bad (painful) work should be done.
I have been asked to cater 6 parties between now and new years ... and then a Valentines Day dinner. And I will actually make money on these.
AngelBaby is almost potty trained.
SweetiePie got an excellent report card.
LittleMiss is really blossoming in school.
Heartbreaker seems to be mellowing her teen angst. Just a wee bit, but I'll take it.
Mr. Farmer has been working overtime ... and while that makes it hard when I am feelin' some serious pain -- we need the serious ca$h!
I think I need a nap now ...
Frannie
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. Erma Bombeck
I [Paul] thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you [Timothy] in my prayers. 2 Timothy 1:3
Monday, October 22, 2007
So What.
I am just feelin' a bit Snarky today ... of course no one does Snark better than Kari, but there is just no other way to describe my mood today.
1. My computer is so &^#%ing slow, I am going crazy just trying to type out a sentence or two.
2. It has been slow like this for months (part of the reason I don't post as often as I used to) and I don't know what to do about it. I have cleaned up all of the usual problem areas, but it doesn't seem to help much.
3. I am COLD. I don't like be cold. I don't like being hot, either ... but at the moment I am cold and that is what I am going to complain about.
4. My a$$ hurts. Yep, you read that right. I try not to dwell too much on the weight thing here -- and especially not in real life, because it tends to irritate people (which I totally get!) - but (no pun intended) since I have lost weight I have no actual a$$. I didn't have much of one to start with and it has completely disappeared at this point ... anywho ... I had the opportunity to sit on wooden chairs, metal bleachers and hard pavement all weekend - and my a$$ is bruised. I know long story ... but my work chair is also wooden and it hurts! Get a pillow - I KNOW - but I am feelin' Snarky, remember?
5. I have another migraine of this magnitude.
6. I had an appointment, that I rearranged everything else for, just call me to cancel - 30 freakin' minutes before we were to meet! Yes, that happens - I KNOW! It is usually me that must cancel .. but I am feelin' Snarky, remember?
7. LittleMiss got hurt this weekend -- MUCH DRAMA - and is home sick today, which really means that she is whining and making pitiful demands every 3-5 minutes. But I know the minute I ignore her pitiful request she will actually need something.
8. Mr. Farmers cousin is movin' .... from here to wayyyy over there ... which makes me sad, but at the moment (because I am Snarky) I am frustrated because they keep givin' us all of theshit valuable items they don't want to haul across the bloomin' country. hmnmm ... I thought that's what Goodwill was for. (And yes, we will be taking all their shit valuable items too Goodwill ourselves - once we know they are truly gone.)
9. I was supposed to get pumpkins for the gang this past weekend but it was raining so hard that I refused to go to the pumpkin patch (Because I am COLD) -- now I will have to head over to the local grocery store to pick up a few ugly-overpriced-probablychemicallygrown-hardashelltocarve pumpkins because we absolutelymusthavethemcan'tlivewithoutthem for tomorrows fall festival. Now normally Mr. Farmer plants us up a pumpkin patch of our own -- and then we seem to have volunteers growin' hither and yon, each year multiplying by dozens ... so this year he decided that he wouldn't plant any and just let the volunteers grow. Hmmm right, didn't happen. Not one single plant!
10. I have another dentist appointment this week. And while I know that they will not be removing any teeth (or bone matter) I am still freaking out. I can't believe how anxious I am about it.
It's not all bad though! Really! While I am feelin' Snarky today, I can still recognize the good goin' on!
1. My house isn't anywhere near a fire.
2. I got my hair cut -- and I like it!
3. I recently discovered Trader Joe's - Triple Ginger Snaps Cookies - I LOVE THEM! 6 cookies 136 calories ... they are great with tea or coffee and usually 3 or 4 hit the spot!
4. I got a paycheck from my new job and it was good.
5. One of my favorite bloggers is back in blogger land - Tiny Slice of Life - I hope she sticks around because I LOVE reading her.
6. Yesterday SweetiePie and I ventured out to look for some Halloween Costume accessories ... we went into a local thrift shop and I found this for $8.99!
7. My kids are too darned cute sometimes ... Although LittleMiss is whiny and AngelBaby is INTO EVERYTHING - they are just full of hugs and kisses for their MaaMaa today. SweetiePie called at lunch (could you call home when you were in elementary school?) to make sure that LittleMiss was ok! HeartBreaker is cusy breakin' hearts ... but I know she cares as much as a teenager-goin'on-twentyseven can.
8. This is a busy week ... and although I am certain it will tax me to no end, I am excited about the opportunities that will come from it. Namely, I will be cookin' for some important folks who just might bring me some steady (paying) business.
9. A good friend it comin' to visit in a few weeks. I haven't seen her in ages ... since life was not-so-good. I am excited to show her how things have changed - for the better.
10. Mr. Farmers new venture is going very well. He is happier than I have seen him in ages. That, alone, is a lot to be thankful for!
Hope this week brings you sunshine and warmth!
Frannie
We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder
And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
Colossians 2:15
1. My computer is so &^#%ing slow, I am going crazy just trying to type out a sentence or two.
2. It has been slow like this for months (part of the reason I don't post as often as I used to) and I don't know what to do about it. I have cleaned up all of the usual problem areas, but it doesn't seem to help much.
3. I am COLD. I don't like be cold. I don't like being hot, either ... but at the moment I am cold and that is what I am going to complain about.
4. My a$$ hurts. Yep, you read that right. I try not to dwell too much on the weight thing here -- and especially not in real life, because it tends to irritate people (which I totally get!) - but (no pun intended) since I have lost weight I have no actual a$$. I didn't have much of one to start with and it has completely disappeared at this point ... anywho ... I had the opportunity to sit on wooden chairs, metal bleachers and hard pavement all weekend - and my a$$ is bruised. I know long story ... but my work chair is also wooden and it hurts! Get a pillow - I KNOW - but I am feelin' Snarky, remember?
5. I have another migraine of this magnitude.
6. I had an appointment, that I rearranged everything else for, just call me to cancel - 30 freakin' minutes before we were to meet! Yes, that happens - I KNOW! It is usually me that must cancel .. but I am feelin' Snarky, remember?
7. LittleMiss got hurt this weekend -- MUCH DRAMA - and is home sick today, which really means that she is whining and making pitiful demands every 3-5 minutes. But I know the minute I ignore her pitiful request she will actually need something.
8. Mr. Farmers cousin is movin' .... from here to wayyyy over there ... which makes me sad, but at the moment (because I am Snarky) I am frustrated because they keep givin' us all of the
9. I was supposed to get pumpkins for the gang this past weekend but it was raining so hard that I refused to go to the pumpkin patch (Because I am COLD) -- now I will have to head over to the local grocery store to pick up a few ugly-overpriced-probablychemicallygrown-hardashelltocarve pumpkins because we absolutelymusthavethemcan'tlivewithoutthem for tomorrows fall festival. Now normally Mr. Farmer plants us up a pumpkin patch of our own -- and then we seem to have volunteers growin' hither and yon, each year multiplying by dozens ... so this year he decided that he wouldn't plant any and just let the volunteers grow. Hmmm right, didn't happen. Not one single plant!
10. I have another dentist appointment this week. And while I know that they will not be removing any teeth (or bone matter) I am still freaking out. I can't believe how anxious I am about it.
It's not all bad though! Really! While I am feelin' Snarky today, I can still recognize the good goin' on!
1. My house isn't anywhere near a fire.
2. I got my hair cut -- and I like it!
3. I recently discovered Trader Joe's - Triple Ginger Snaps Cookies - I LOVE THEM! 6 cookies 136 calories ... they are great with tea or coffee and usually 3 or 4 hit the spot!
4. I got a paycheck from my new job and it was good.
5. One of my favorite bloggers is back in blogger land - Tiny Slice of Life - I hope she sticks around because I LOVE reading her.
6. Yesterday SweetiePie and I ventured out to look for some Halloween Costume accessories ... we went into a local thrift shop and I found this for $8.99!
7. My kids are too darned cute sometimes ... Although LittleMiss is whiny and AngelBaby is INTO EVERYTHING - they are just full of hugs and kisses for their MaaMaa today. SweetiePie called at lunch (could you call home when you were in elementary school?) to make sure that LittleMiss was ok! HeartBreaker is cusy breakin' hearts ... but I know she cares as much as a teenager-goin'on-twentyseven can.
8. This is a busy week ... and although I am certain it will tax me to no end, I am excited about the opportunities that will come from it. Namely, I will be cookin' for some important folks who just might bring me some steady (paying) business.
9. A good friend it comin' to visit in a few weeks. I haven't seen her in ages ... since life was not-so-good. I am excited to show her how things have changed - for the better.
10. Mr. Farmers new venture is going very well. He is happier than I have seen him in ages. That, alone, is a lot to be thankful for!
Hope this week brings you sunshine and warmth!
Frannie
We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder
And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
Colossians 2:15
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Thanks
I only want to publicly say THANK YOU to those who have left me such sweet comments ...
most appreciated. That is why I don't stop. Because all 6 of you ROCK my world!
most appreciated. That is why I don't stop. Because all 6 of you ROCK my world!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
ramblings
yep. here I am again.
Shocking really .. not so many days apart. But really it is simply the drunken ramblings of a
women who has not had drink in quite some time.
I am not going to spell check this ... there will be no grammar corrections. Take it or leave it.
Today was an uncomfortable day.
I know I am not the only one w/multiple groups of friends. friends that you may or MAY NOT want to meet each other ... ermmm talk to each other - about you. Sometimes those worlds are better left .... .... uncolided - is that a word?
yep, well today I had two worlds collide. completely unbeknownst to me, I had 2 friends who know and absolutely don't like one another, come together in my home. strange stuff. as Mr. Farmer said there was some fur aflyin' ... not really but the evil eye was workin' overtime ... and then I was asked to explain myself ... as if I planned this nightmare. What the heck?
Now, let me just say I am NOT 16, or even 20 or well even 30. Neither were these gals.... not that you would know it ... they acted like they were in middle school and wanted me to pick a side.
Stupid stuff. I just can't get over it. now I wonder if I should be friends with either.
YOu know I can't get into the details of things ... but just trust me ... it is STUPID!
DONE.
Frannie
Half an hour's meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy. Then a full hour is needed.-St. Francis de Sales
Shocking really .. not so many days apart. But really it is simply the drunken ramblings of a
women who has not had drink in quite some time.
I am not going to spell check this ... there will be no grammar corrections. Take it or leave it.
Today was an uncomfortable day.
I know I am not the only one w/multiple groups of friends. friends that you may or MAY NOT want to meet each other ... ermmm talk to each other - about you. Sometimes those worlds are better left .... .... uncolided - is that a word?
yep, well today I had two worlds collide. completely unbeknownst to me, I had 2 friends who know and absolutely don't like one another, come together in my home. strange stuff. as Mr. Farmer said there was some fur aflyin' ... not really but the evil eye was workin' overtime ... and then I was asked to explain myself ... as if I planned this nightmare. What the heck?
Now, let me just say I am NOT 16, or even 20 or well even 30. Neither were these gals.... not that you would know it ... they acted like they were in middle school and wanted me to pick a side.
Stupid stuff. I just can't get over it. now I wonder if I should be friends with either.
YOu know I can't get into the details of things ... but just trust me ... it is STUPID!
DONE.
Frannie
Half an hour's meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy. Then a full hour is needed.-St. Francis de Sales
Friday, October 12, 2007
Flunkee
Yep, I am flunking in Blogging 101!
I think about it.
I contemplate it.
Heck, I even dream about it every now and then ...
But, alas ... I just can't seem to do it.
I thought that once school started things would be easier ... slower. I would be able to complete more. Right, not so much.
I have been working hard. Every day is spent talking, talking, talking. Then following up from the talking with more talking. Let me just tell y'all that Frannie was NOT meant to be such a talker. It takes it all outta me.
Beyond that, last week everyone in the house was s.i.c.k! Even the animals. Let me just tell you ... a goat with a cough is NOT a pleasant sound.
I am still feeling pretty blah ... along with the horrid cough came a heart burn that just will not go away. And because of that, I can hardly eat a thing ... what gives.
Of course, the plus side of that (or lack there of ... teeheehee) is that I am now weighing in at about 145. The lowest I have weighed in decades!!! It kinda freaks me out a bit. I no longer even need to glance at the Big Girl section ... and although I enjoy that, the endless comments and ohhhs and ahhhs kinda get to me. I know that people mean well, but it doesn't always feel complimentary.
Oh well.
So, I am certain that I have LOST all 6 people who used to stop by this place ... my sitemeter concurs ... I hope that you will stop by again. I will try to stay on top of things ... my goal is once a week. I just need to get a schedule. RIGHT, like that is going to happen.
Part of the problem is that my computer is as slow as molasses. I can not do more than 1 or 2 things at a time and Blogger seems to suck all of the power out of my computer. And since the new gig requires some serious computer work, blogging comes in at about 10th place.
I have admit I haven't even been able to read lately, which makes me sad.
Ok, so I just have vent on the Britney thing ... well, I don't know about venting ... but I just gotta say .. I know the girl is messed up, true enough - but dang, all of the cameras around me every single day would make me nuts too. I can not imagine being surrounded just trying to get into a Target or Taco Bell. Please ... these people need to leave the girl alone. I doubt that she is ever going to heal until she gets away from it. I really think Demi Moore needs to sweep in and take Brit-Brit off to her ranch (or whatever) and talk to her about privacy. Now, I am not saying that Demi has done a perfect job with her kids ... but at least Demi and Bruce were mostly outta the lime-light when the kids were small ... I'm just sayin'.
And while I am at it ... Christina Aguilera pregnant, she is a cute enough girl and good for her and whatshisname, but yikes ... the girl needs slow down on the makeup. Her skin is going be terrible when she is old, like me. And I know what I am sayin', being a girl of the ummm Glam Makeup era. I just hope that she uses a GREAT product to remove all of that at the end of the night. The thing is, I have seen pics of her with out it and ... she still looks cute. I wonder if whatshisname ever tells her that?
Well, anywho ... we are off to the Pumpkin Patch today ... normally we grow the pumpkins ourselves ... but this year ... well, lets just say that Mr. Farmer was all gourded out.
Hope fall is treating you well.
Come back and visit ....
Frannie
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
Erma Bombeck
Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.
Marie Curie (French Physicist, twice winner of the Nobel Prize, 1867-1934)
I will show my greatness and my holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations. Then they will know that I am the LORD.
Ezekiel 38:23
I think about it.
I contemplate it.
Heck, I even dream about it every now and then ...
But, alas ... I just can't seem to do it.
I thought that once school started things would be easier ... slower. I would be able to complete more. Right, not so much.
I have been working hard. Every day is spent talking, talking, talking. Then following up from the talking with more talking. Let me just tell y'all that Frannie was NOT meant to be such a talker. It takes it all outta me.
Beyond that, last week everyone in the house was s.i.c.k! Even the animals. Let me just tell you ... a goat with a cough is NOT a pleasant sound.
I am still feeling pretty blah ... along with the horrid cough came a heart burn that just will not go away. And because of that, I can hardly eat a thing ... what gives.
Of course, the plus side of that (or lack there of ... teeheehee) is that I am now weighing in at about 145. The lowest I have weighed in decades!!! It kinda freaks me out a bit. I no longer even need to glance at the Big Girl section ... and although I enjoy that, the endless comments and ohhhs and ahhhs kinda get to me. I know that people mean well, but it doesn't always feel complimentary.
Oh well.
So, I am certain that I have LOST all 6 people who used to stop by this place ... my sitemeter concurs ... I hope that you will stop by again. I will try to stay on top of things ... my goal is once a week. I just need to get a schedule. RIGHT, like that is going to happen.
Part of the problem is that my computer is as slow as molasses. I can not do more than 1 or 2 things at a time and Blogger seems to suck all of the power out of my computer. And since the new gig requires some serious computer work, blogging comes in at about 10th place.
I have admit I haven't even been able to read lately, which makes me sad.
Ok, so I just have vent on the Britney thing ... well, I don't know about venting ... but I just gotta say .. I know the girl is messed up, true enough - but dang, all of the cameras around me every single day would make me nuts too. I can not imagine being surrounded just trying to get into a Target or Taco Bell. Please ... these people need to leave the girl alone. I doubt that she is ever going to heal until she gets away from it. I really think Demi Moore needs to sweep in and take Brit-Brit off to her ranch (or whatever) and talk to her about privacy. Now, I am not saying that Demi has done a perfect job with her kids ... but at least Demi and Bruce were mostly outta the lime-light when the kids were small ... I'm just sayin'.
And while I am at it ... Christina Aguilera pregnant, she is a cute enough girl and good for her and whatshisname, but yikes ... the girl needs slow down on the makeup. Her skin is going be terrible when she is old, like me. And I know what I am sayin', being a girl of the ummm Glam Makeup era. I just hope that she uses a GREAT product to remove all of that at the end of the night. The thing is, I have seen pics of her with out it and ... she still looks cute. I wonder if whatshisname ever tells her that?
Well, anywho ... we are off to the Pumpkin Patch today ... normally we grow the pumpkins ourselves ... but this year ... well, lets just say that Mr. Farmer was all gourded out.
Hope fall is treating you well.
Come back and visit ....
Frannie
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
Erma Bombeck
Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.
Marie Curie (French Physicist, twice winner of the Nobel Prize, 1867-1934)
I will show my greatness and my holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations. Then they will know that I am the LORD.
Ezekiel 38:23
Friday, September 28, 2007
Down but not out
The days seem to be speeding by at rapid pace. I can hardly keep my head above water and there doesn't seem to be a day that I don't have too many *tasks* on my to-do list.
I keep waiting for things to slow down ... but they don't.
I keep waiting until I have something witty enough to write about ... but I generally forget the moments before I get to the computer.
I am spending so much time working on my computer that I don't necessarily feel like playing on my computer when I am done.
Mr. Farmer and I did take a moment out for some fun last weekend ... we went on a real date. Something we truly have not done in YEARS. It was very nice, however to protect the innocent I am going to have to spare you the details ...
I have been a cooking fool lately. Well I guess I have always been a cooking fool ... but I have been cooking at a foolish pace the past few weeks. Much ado has been made about my food, so we'll see where that goes!
We are in full swing with the school year and everyone seems to be adjusting. Well, except for AngelBaby who doesn't like the fact that she doesn't get to go to school ... Soon enough baby, soon enough.
My new job is going well ... successfully. It isn't really as part time as it is supposed to be ... but it is OK. I think I can get it down to part time with more experience.
I miss reading blogs. Isn't that sad? I can't tell you how often I compare something to a post I have read in one of your blogs ... I will get back to it - soon enough baby, soon enough :)
Hope life is good.
Frannie
I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most. ~ Bob Dylan
The most successful people are those who are good at plan B. ~ James Yorke
For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.
1 Peter 3:18
I keep waiting for things to slow down ... but they don't.
I keep waiting until I have something witty enough to write about ... but I generally forget the moments before I get to the computer.
I am spending so much time working on my computer that I don't necessarily feel like playing on my computer when I am done.
Mr. Farmer and I did take a moment out for some fun last weekend ... we went on a real date. Something we truly have not done in YEARS. It was very nice, however to protect the innocent I am going to have to spare you the details ...
I have been a cooking fool lately. Well I guess I have always been a cooking fool ... but I have been cooking at a foolish pace the past few weeks. Much ado has been made about my food, so we'll see where that goes!
We are in full swing with the school year and everyone seems to be adjusting. Well, except for AngelBaby who doesn't like the fact that she doesn't get to go to school ... Soon enough baby, soon enough.
My new job is going well ... successfully. It isn't really as part time as it is supposed to be ... but it is OK. I think I can get it down to part time with more experience.
I miss reading blogs. Isn't that sad? I can't tell you how often I compare something to a post I have read in one of your blogs ... I will get back to it - soon enough baby, soon enough :)
Hope life is good.
Frannie
I accept chaos. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know some people are terrified of the bomb. But then some people are terrified to be seen carrying a modern screen magazine. Experience teaches us that silence terrifies people the most. ~ Bob Dylan
The most successful people are those who are good at plan B. ~ James Yorke
For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.
1 Peter 3:18
Friday, September 14, 2007
On the mend
I am finally on the mend. After copious amounts of pain meds and antibiotics ... I am at this moment beginning to feel human ... at least marginally.
If you are into books that completely freak you out -- read The Mephisto Club by Tess Gerritsen. I stayed up until 2am this morning to finish this book and it freaked the heck outta me. I am sure at least part of it is because of the pain meds ... but, I am not sure this book came to my bookshelf (probably one of those book club thingys that I forgot to decline) -- but I will send it to the first person who asks ... I don't want to keep it. It is well written ... but creepy. I am still kinda jumpy from it today.
I think I will read something light and airy next ... any suggestions? It may take a book - or ten -- to get that one out of my thoughts.
Anywho ... I cancelled all of my weekend plans and I intend to just stay in and rest. My body seems to be worn out from the battle I had this week.
Hope that you have something fun and exciting to do ... or at least rich in rewards to you!
Blessings,
Frannie
The best of a book is not the thought which it contains,but the thought which it suggests;just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones but in the echoes of our hearts.~ Oliver Wendell Holmes ~
God "will give to each person according to what he has done." To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. Romans 2:6-7
If you are into books that completely freak you out -- read The Mephisto Club by Tess Gerritsen. I stayed up until 2am this morning to finish this book and it freaked the heck outta me. I am sure at least part of it is because of the pain meds ... but, I am not sure this book came to my bookshelf (probably one of those book club thingys that I forgot to decline) -- but I will send it to the first person who asks ... I don't want to keep it. It is well written ... but creepy. I am still kinda jumpy from it today.
I think I will read something light and airy next ... any suggestions? It may take a book - or ten -- to get that one out of my thoughts.
Anywho ... I cancelled all of my weekend plans and I intend to just stay in and rest. My body seems to be worn out from the battle I had this week.
Hope that you have something fun and exciting to do ... or at least rich in rewards to you!
Blessings,
Frannie
The best of a book is not the thought which it contains,but the thought which it suggests;just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones but in the echoes of our hearts.~ Oliver Wendell Holmes ~
God "will give to each person according to what he has done." To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. Romans 2:6-7
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
P.A.I.N.
So, the tooth came out.
As did some bone matter.
Now I have dry socket and an infection. and it hurts like hell! Seriously I would rather give birth, sans drugs, all alone in the forest than feel this pain! One side of my face is so swollen I can barely see ... yes, I am vision!
I can't talk because my jaw is in permanent clenched mode ... this, in particular, is creating a rather desperate situation since my new job requires me to be on the phone 4-6 hours a day ... besides I can't yell at the children -- and that is certainly a tragedy!
The pain meds aren't working ... the dentists advise (and I quote) gobble more honey. Who tells you to gobble pain meds? Ok, they're the pro-fess-ion-al! I gobble away and now feel sick to my stomach .. which could be the infection.
This sucks. HUGE!
I do have to add that AngelBaby is especially sweet to me though ... she keeps trying to kiss Momma and make it all better ... the down side is that her *love language* is touch and she LOVES to pat my cheeks ... o.u.c.h.
Frannie
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. - Mae West
Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. Nehemiah 9:5
Friday, September 07, 2007
Hangin' on by a shoe string ...
Which might be ok if I actually wore shoes with strings ... instead I am still wearin' my flip-flops (YES! after Labor day and until the last possible minute I can!) and they are drastically close to fallin' off.
I am bone tired. I am as discombobulated as I have ever been. I don't think I actually speak in full sentences these days ... and I am quite literally falling apart.
I lost half of a tooth this week -- let me tell you how much that hurts ... it is both physically painful - and painful to the ego! I feel sorta like a hillbilly, losin' a tooth. You can't see it ... but I know it's there (or rather not there) and I am sooo self conscious. Of course I went to the dentist, which I HATE. And, of course, they want to save the tooth ... which, of course, would cost an arm and a leg ... I would need a root canal, a crown and some other fancy gum surgery. Ok, there is only about 30% of the actual tooth left ... so, I can spend a fortune ($2500-$3000) to *rebuild* a tooth that is hardly there -- or -- I can spend $200 to remove the tooth that is k.i.l.l.i.n.g. me! hmmmmm - tough choice. This particular tooth is a molar .. so I don't think I will miss is much.
Anywho .... sorry to get a graphic on y'all!
Besides the tooth, I can feel my bones achin' in a way the have never ached before. Age! Things really (really, really, really) change after 35. Although I weigh less than I have weighed in decades, all of my current weight is in completely different places than it was the last time I was at this weight. I thought I would have more energy if I weighed less ... not so much. I would still really appreciate a daily nap -- if I could actually take one!
This upcoming week I have a meeting or activity every single day! Including Saturday and Sunday! I almost want to take a nap now, just thinkin' about it.
I did finish a few books this week that left me wanting to know more ... My Enemy the Queen by Victoria Holt,Philippa Carr & others, Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, and The Queen's Secret - Jean Plaidy.
School has started. The kids are mostly happy about it. AngelBaby is NOT happy to be left behind ... but she does appreciate the one-on-one mommy time.
I wish I could write more, but I can't even think straight ....
Frannie
“A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted. You should live several lives while reading it.” William Styron
Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the LORD your God. Leviticus 19:31
I am bone tired. I am as discombobulated as I have ever been. I don't think I actually speak in full sentences these days ... and I am quite literally falling apart.
I lost half of a tooth this week -- let me tell you how much that hurts ... it is both physically painful - and painful to the ego! I feel sorta like a hillbilly, losin' a tooth. You can't see it ... but I know it's there (or rather not there) and I am sooo self conscious. Of course I went to the dentist, which I HATE. And, of course, they want to save the tooth ... which, of course, would cost an arm and a leg ... I would need a root canal, a crown and some other fancy gum surgery. Ok, there is only about 30% of the actual tooth left ... so, I can spend a fortune ($2500-$3000) to *rebuild* a tooth that is hardly there -- or -- I can spend $200 to remove the tooth that is k.i.l.l.i.n.g. me! hmmmmm - tough choice. This particular tooth is a molar .. so I don't think I will miss is much.
Anywho .... sorry to get a graphic on y'all!
Besides the tooth, I can feel my bones achin' in a way the have never ached before. Age! Things really (really, really, really) change after 35. Although I weigh less than I have weighed in decades, all of my current weight is in completely different places than it was the last time I was at this weight. I thought I would have more energy if I weighed less ... not so much. I would still really appreciate a daily nap -- if I could actually take one!
This upcoming week I have a meeting or activity every single day! Including Saturday and Sunday! I almost want to take a nap now, just thinkin' about it.
I did finish a few books this week that left me wanting to know more ... My Enemy the Queen by Victoria Holt,Philippa Carr & others, Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, and The Queen's Secret - Jean Plaidy.
School has started. The kids are mostly happy about it. AngelBaby is NOT happy to be left behind ... but she does appreciate the one-on-one mommy time.
I wish I could write more, but I can't even think straight ....
Frannie
“A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted. You should live several lives while reading it.” William Styron
Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the LORD your God. Leviticus 19:31
Monday, September 03, 2007
So, you think you can do it all ...
There is little irony that I started this post So, you think you can do it all? weeks ago and was not only unable to complete it but I didn't get any farther than what I considered a witty title. Sad.
I was really aiming for a post that might accurately describe the overwhelming life I am attempting to perfect. I dreamt that I would awe you with the countless tasks that fill my day. Perhaps humor you with the clever banter of my sweet angel babies as I attempt to work from home.
Right ... not so much. I couldn't make it any farther than that darned witty title.
So where has Frannie been? hmmm ... let's see ... I recently started a glorifying job with a local Christian group. Let me just tell you how much that thrills me -- Yeehaw is a the word. I have the ability to make a, much needed, income - I get to do works for GOD and I am still able to stay home with my kids ... easy, right?
Well, of course it is in theory. I know that you Work-at-home-moms are laughin' your pants off at Frannie right now ... she thinks it's easy to work from home -- with kids ... hahahahahaha! Yeah, I get it. There is nothing easy about working from home with kids -- especially if you are supposed to spend your day on the telephone. We all know the drill .. the minute mom gets on the phone the house catches on fire, someone has an accident, the other one is hungry, and everyone needs your undivided attention right this minute.
Now add to this sweet scenario the current family requirements, the other new job I took on and the plethora of volunteer commitments that I have pledged to keep this year and I am one exhausted - and torn gal! Oh, and the newest gig is supposed to be a part time obligation -- but in all actuality - it is more like full time.
But I am doing my very best not to complain ... lest Mr. Farmer kick me off of the homestead or send me to the funny farm (there are days that this idea seems like a great vacation ... but white is just not my color!) I am really am thankful for the opportunities that keep coming my way - my only question is why do they all have to come a the same time? Feast or famine ... or when it rains it just pours and pours and pours ... I just don't seem to have a big enough bucket to catch all of the falling rain.
But heck, simplicity isn't my thing anyway ... I am far better at chaos than calm ... even when I was a workin' gal. I tended to thrive -- excel even -- when things seemed out of control. Things haven't changed much. In the long run I have always been better off after times of great challenge. I just have to remind myself to slow down once and a while and appreciate the glorious things that God has given me ... my children, my husband, our lovely home ... a fantastic church family ... I need to find the balance between sloth and chaos, listen to my internal clock, know when to disengage and take a personal time out. Maybe in another 30 years I'll figure that out.
Frannie
The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.
EuripidesGreek tragic dramatist (484 BC - 406 BC)
I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.
When mine enemies are turned back, they shall fall and perish at thy presence.
For thou hast maintained my right and my cause; thou satest in the throne judging right.
Psalms 9:2-4
I was really aiming for a post that might accurately describe the overwhelming life I am attempting to perfect. I dreamt that I would awe you with the countless tasks that fill my day. Perhaps humor you with the clever banter of my sweet angel babies as I attempt to work from home.
Right ... not so much. I couldn't make it any farther than that darned witty title.
So where has Frannie been? hmmm ... let's see ... I recently started a glorifying job with a local Christian group. Let me just tell you how much that thrills me -- Yeehaw is a the word. I have the ability to make a, much needed, income - I get to do works for GOD and I am still able to stay home with my kids ... easy, right?
Well, of course it is in theory. I know that you Work-at-home-moms are laughin' your pants off at Frannie right now ... she thinks it's easy to work from home -- with kids ... hahahahahaha! Yeah, I get it. There is nothing easy about working from home with kids -- especially if you are supposed to spend your day on the telephone. We all know the drill .. the minute mom gets on the phone the house catches on fire, someone has an accident, the other one is hungry, and everyone needs your undivided attention right this minute.
Now add to this sweet scenario the current family requirements, the other new job I took on and the plethora of volunteer commitments that I have pledged to keep this year and I am one exhausted - and torn gal! Oh, and the newest gig is supposed to be a part time obligation -- but in all actuality - it is more like full time.
But I am doing my very best not to complain ... lest Mr. Farmer kick me off of the homestead or send me to the funny farm (there are days that this idea seems like a great vacation ... but white is just not my color!) I am really am thankful for the opportunities that keep coming my way - my only question is why do they all have to come a the same time? Feast or famine ... or when it rains it just pours and pours and pours ... I just don't seem to have a big enough bucket to catch all of the falling rain.
But heck, simplicity isn't my thing anyway ... I am far better at chaos than calm ... even when I was a workin' gal. I tended to thrive -- excel even -- when things seemed out of control. Things haven't changed much. In the long run I have always been better off after times of great challenge. I just have to remind myself to slow down once and a while and appreciate the glorious things that God has given me ... my children, my husband, our lovely home ... a fantastic church family ... I need to find the balance between sloth and chaos, listen to my internal clock, know when to disengage and take a personal time out. Maybe in another 30 years I'll figure that out.
Frannie
The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.
EuripidesGreek tragic dramatist (484 BC - 406 BC)
I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.
When mine enemies are turned back, they shall fall and perish at thy presence.
For thou hast maintained my right and my cause; thou satest in the throne judging right.
Psalms 9:2-4
Monday, August 13, 2007
Busy, business,balance
I am tired.
I have bitten on far more than I can chew and I can't seem to find a way - or an appropriate place - to spit it out.
I have bitten on far more than I can chew and I can't seem to find a way - or an appropriate place - to spit it out.
not only am I immersed in my its-summer-&-mommy-must-entertain-y'all job ... but i have also started not one but TWO work at home jobs ... as well as amped up the volunteer work that i already do ... yep, I'm nuts. thank you very much for asking! (and should i mention that i am typing right now -- at 11pm -- with a child on my lap??)
I miss blogging. i miss being able to express myself somewhere - truthfully. not like i speak so eloquently here .. but i am truthful -- not so easy to do in my current environment.
.... i am on day 3 of trying to finish this post ... it is Thursday now and i woke up in tears -- never a good thing. i am probably going to start my (.) but since my cycle is all messed up i am not certain ... but i am typing with a kid on the lap again and that doesn't help.
my kids don't start school for a few weeks yet and in theory we should be enjoying the last days of a lovely summer ... but for some reason the lovely summer skipped over us this year and we have had mostly dreary weather -- of course nothing like Texas and their Tropical Storm Erin worries .. but it is yucky for us none the less.
have you hear about the 12-Year-Old Girl who got Liposuction? Tell me that isn't nuts ...
my computer is acting up again - i have a feeling that SweetiePie has been downloading some games she should not ...
i should be working right now. i just don't wanna. i have been working all week and had one event or another to attend to this week (during the evening - so at least Mr. Farmer was home and i didn't have to take kids with me .... )
i need to find balance.
bAlaNcE... hmmm. wonder what that looks like?
Frannie
Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away. Barbara De Angelis
There’s no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves. Frank Herbert (I feel that waves and I think I am seasick! ~ Frannie)
But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners. Matthew 9:13
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Fat girl mind, skinny girl body.
Do you suffer from it? Have you ever?
I wouldn't say I am skinny now ... the charts say that at under 5' 5" at 152 pounds I am slightly overweight. Now, if and when I hit 148 I will be considered healthy. Wow .. what a difference 4 pounds makes.
It has been quite a journey ... starting out the fat girl; at 230+ pounds the charts said I was Severely Obese, only one pound (one fricken pound) away from being Morbidly Obese. Well, thank heavens I put that last Pepsi down and changed my wicked ways ...
But here is the real deal ... no matter how much weight I lose, regardless of the new smaller size ... I still feel like the fat girl. I just can't help it. I still gravitate to the XXL in the store ... still look at the clothes in the window of the Big Girl Store ... even though I am officially out of the BG sizes .. it just doesn't matter ... I can't help it. I still feel big. Fat really. The mommy tummy doesn't help ... at all.
I don't know where I am going with all of this ... I do know that I have been trying to go there for well over a week - I keep coming back to this post, changing a word or two and then just saving ... (I am glad that the new Blogger automatically saves changes because I have been known to wander off and forget to save and them BLAM ... all is lost).
Anywho ... I guess where I am right now ... is that I am not in a club. Ya know? I am certainly not in the Skinny Girl Club but I have also been ostracized from the Fat Girl Club. My friends that are still in TFGC now, with fake smile intact, say things like 'hey skinny … do you even eat anymore' - or – 'she can't have that, she's on a diet'. (Like I have to prove to them I will still eat good/bad food). And if I actually decline something they act put out or try to talk me into it. They almost act as if I have betrayed them.
But I am not skinny … so it isn’t as if I can actually join that club either. How is it that a near middle-aged woman can still feel so high-schoolish?
Ok, I know I am ranting ... but this is really bugging me ... and maybe it is bugging me because I am wondering if I was like that when I was in TFGC ... I like to think not ... but misery does love company and I was a fairly miserable fat girl.
Frannie
Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends. -- Cindy Lew
It's not what you do once in a while, it's what you do day in and day out that makes the difference. -- Jenny Craig
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
Mark 10:13-14
I wouldn't say I am skinny now ... the charts say that at under 5' 5" at 152 pounds I am slightly overweight. Now, if and when I hit 148 I will be considered healthy. Wow .. what a difference 4 pounds makes.
It has been quite a journey ... starting out the fat girl; at 230+ pounds the charts said I was Severely Obese, only one pound (one fricken pound) away from being Morbidly Obese. Well, thank heavens I put that last Pepsi down and changed my wicked ways ...
But here is the real deal ... no matter how much weight I lose, regardless of the new smaller size ... I still feel like the fat girl. I just can't help it. I still gravitate to the XXL in the store ... still look at the clothes in the window of the Big Girl Store ... even though I am officially out of the BG sizes .. it just doesn't matter ... I can't help it. I still feel big. Fat really. The mommy tummy doesn't help ... at all.
I don't know where I am going with all of this ... I do know that I have been trying to go there for well over a week - I keep coming back to this post, changing a word or two and then just saving ... (I am glad that the new Blogger automatically saves changes because I have been known to wander off and forget to save and them BLAM ... all is lost).
Anywho ... I guess where I am right now ... is that I am not in a club. Ya know? I am certainly not in the Skinny Girl Club but I have also been ostracized from the Fat Girl Club. My friends that are still in TFGC now, with fake smile intact, say things like 'hey skinny … do you even eat anymore' - or – 'she can't have that, she's on a diet'. (Like I have to prove to them I will still eat good/bad food). And if I actually decline something they act put out or try to talk me into it. They almost act as if I have betrayed them.
But I am not skinny … so it isn’t as if I can actually join that club either. How is it that a near middle-aged woman can still feel so high-schoolish?
Ok, I know I am ranting ... but this is really bugging me ... and maybe it is bugging me because I am wondering if I was like that when I was in TFGC ... I like to think not ... but misery does love company and I was a fairly miserable fat girl.
Frannie
Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends. -- Cindy Lew
It's not what you do once in a while, it's what you do day in and day out that makes the difference. -- Jenny Craig
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
Mark 10:13-14
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I am ...
Fickle.
When it is hot, I wish it were cool.
When it is cold, I wish for the heat.
When my children are noisy, I wish they were quite -- yet when they are, something is missing.
Blogging -- I want others to read what I am posting and yet I am not so good anymore at reading others.
Work -- I need to, but I don't really want to.
Sleep -- when I can't I want to. When I can -- I always do something else.
Exercise -- ditto.
Fads -- I seem to latch on to things (and people) quickly, only to change pace the minute the wind blows in a new direction.
Socializing -- I often tell people to call me, but when they do - I don't answer. I want to socialize ... however when the time comes, I would rather stay in.
When it is hot, I wish it were cool.
When it is cold, I wish for the heat.
When my children are noisy, I wish they were quite -- yet when they are, something is missing.
Blogging -- I want others to read what I am posting and yet I am not so good anymore at reading others.
Work -- I need to, but I don't really want to.
Sleep -- when I can't I want to. When I can -- I always do something else.
Exercise -- ditto.
Fads -- I seem to latch on to things (and people) quickly, only to change pace the minute the wind blows in a new direction.
Socializing -- I often tell people to call me, but when they do - I don't answer. I want to socialize ... however when the time comes, I would rather stay in.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Tagged
Well, it isn't shocking that in my absence I have been tagged. Darlin' Ramblin' Rose who lives across the sea or is it the ocean? I am so not good at geography! Anywho, I am sure that Rose thought I needed some posting inspiration …
Here goes ...
Each player starts with 7 random facts about themselves on their Blog. People who are tagged need to blog 7 facts about themselves and post the rules as well. At the end of the post list 7 people you are tagging. Let them know they are tagged by leaving them a comment.
1. I do completely suck at geography and history -- but have a steel trap brain when it comes to useless pop-culture junk.
2. I really think I put my contracts in the wrong eyes this morning -- everything is fuzzy/blurry. I have done this before but when I tried to switch them today, it didn't seem to help ... I am also wondering if it is because when I went to put them in this morning I realized I didn't add any solution to them last night and they were hard .. so I added the solution and in 20 minutes they were OK to wear -- but they probably aren't clean are they? Hmmmm... is this random enough for you Rose ?
3. I have a really bad habit of painting my nails (finger and toes) and then almost instantly picking off the polish. Back when I was a career gal I always had acrylic nails and I didn't have this issue ... but I haven't had such glamour in many years.
4. I think if I had been born a decade (or so) earlier I would have been a hippie biker b*tch. I am always secretly envious when I see those gals on the back or a Harley or in one of those cool VW Vans.
5. The longer I am a stay-at-home-mom the more convinced I am that I will never be savvy enough to re-enter the professional work place. And the less I think I want to.
6. I can not stand the feeling of folding warm towels. Something about the texture makes my skin crawl. This is, of course, a huge issue in a household of our size. I also hate to clean out the lint trap for the dryer - same reason - much to Mr. Farmer's consternation.
7. For the first time in probably 25 years, I think I am sporting my natural hair color ... at least mostly, since I haven't done the Miss Clairol thing for at least 4 months or so ... amazingly it isn't too bad.
Now for 7 tagee's
Coffee House Chatter - Trish
Naive Helga
T Girl
QueenB2U
TTQ
Equipped to Fascinate
Jenster
and of course anyone else who might want to partake ...
Also, I am thinking of running a contest to give away my new, gently read The Starter Wife book. What do y'all think?? I know Manic Mom has done such contests to increase readership ... which I could use ... any thoughts??
Frannie
Knowing that we are fulfilling God's purpose is the only thing that really gives rest to the restless human heart. --Charles Colson
Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.-- Al Batt
The people served the LORD throughout the lifetime of Joshua and of the elders who outlived him and who had seen all the great things the LORD had done for Israel.
Judges 2:7
Here goes ...
Each player starts with 7 random facts about themselves on their Blog. People who are tagged need to blog 7 facts about themselves and post the rules as well. At the end of the post list 7 people you are tagging. Let them know they are tagged by leaving them a comment.
1. I do completely suck at geography and history -- but have a steel trap brain when it comes to useless pop-culture junk.
2. I really think I put my contracts in the wrong eyes this morning -- everything is fuzzy/blurry. I have done this before but when I tried to switch them today, it didn't seem to help ... I am also wondering if it is because when I went to put them in this morning I realized I didn't add any solution to them last night and they were hard .. so I added the solution and in 20 minutes they were OK to wear -- but they probably aren't clean are they? Hmmmm... is this random enough for you Rose ?
3. I have a really bad habit of painting my nails (finger and toes) and then almost instantly picking off the polish. Back when I was a career gal I always had acrylic nails and I didn't have this issue ... but I haven't had such glamour in many years.
4. I think if I had been born a decade (or so) earlier I would have been a hippie biker b*tch. I am always secretly envious when I see those gals on the back or a Harley or in one of those cool VW Vans.
5. The longer I am a stay-at-home-mom the more convinced I am that I will never be savvy enough to re-enter the professional work place. And the less I think I want to.
6. I can not stand the feeling of folding warm towels. Something about the texture makes my skin crawl. This is, of course, a huge issue in a household of our size. I also hate to clean out the lint trap for the dryer - same reason - much to Mr. Farmer's consternation.
7. For the first time in probably 25 years, I think I am sporting my natural hair color ... at least mostly, since I haven't done the Miss Clairol thing for at least 4 months or so ... amazingly it isn't too bad.
Now for 7 tagee's
Coffee House Chatter - Trish
Naive Helga
T Girl
QueenB2U
TTQ
Equipped to Fascinate
Jenster
and of course anyone else who might want to partake ...
Also, I am thinking of running a contest to give away my new, gently read The Starter Wife book. What do y'all think?? I know Manic Mom has done such contests to increase readership ... which I could use ... any thoughts??
Frannie
Knowing that we are fulfilling God's purpose is the only thing that really gives rest to the restless human heart. --Charles Colson
Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.-- Al Batt
The people served the LORD throughout the lifetime of Joshua and of the elders who outlived him and who had seen all the great things the LORD had done for Israel.
Judges 2:7
Friday, July 13, 2007
Is it Friday again, already?
Yikes, the days are flying by .. and yet I can not even begin to describe what we have been up to.
Nothing major ... just the daily grind of summer.
We have had a heat wave in our area, a rare occurrence for sure. It messed with every one's (think: KIDS!) sleep patterns and we all appear to be slightly drugged during the day. It is cooling down now though and I think we will live.
One major accomplishment this week -- I have been asked to apply for a position, with a Christian organization, that would allow me to work from home. The pay is good - the caveat is that I would need to be on the telephone at least 3 hours a day and I am just not sure I can keep themonsters children quite for that long ... but we are truly at the point that I must do something for an income and this is a great opportunity that seems to be a fit for what I deem my calling. I will be speaking to the VP on Monday ... wish me luck.
I plucked -- in case you were wondering ... I did it. I am still a little shell shocked about the episode and continue to check the hairs on my head to see if there are any greys ...
Can you believe all of the emphasis that is being placed on the The Beckhams moving to the States? I can't get over ... it seems a little sick to me. That and the coverage of Eva & Tony's Wedding Swag. Come on ...
I have hit the weight loss plateau ... frustrating, it seems that no matter what I do I just can't get past this current weight -- I know that I am far better off than I was a year ago, but I would like to get into the 140's -- I would settle for 148 (then if I had water weight I might manage to stay below 150) ... I am at 154-157 these days - considering that I was 230+ when I started this mission, I know I am doing good -- but again I would really like to be in the 140's before I hit the big 4-0! Ok, enough.
I just finished a book about Lana Turner. Boy was she an interesting gal. I am not sure what prompted the read ... I think it was LittleMiss picking out library books for MaaMaa again ... but now I, of course, want to know more.
I also finished Jemima J by Jane Green - a good read ...
Jemima is umm ... a big girl. A really big girls at just shy of 100 pounds overweight.
Her roommates are rude social climbers who treat her like a servant. Her best friend (at work only) is the beautiful Geraldine. They work at the Kilburn Herald where the far less talented Geraldine gets Jemima to do her most important columns and, again of course, never thinks to give Jemima credit -- not that it would matter much with her sexist boss.
She is in love with Ben ... the handsome hunk at work who lusts after Geraldine and scarcely notices Jemima ...
The rest of the story includes Internet dating and romance - much weight loss, a move across the ocean ... a complete transformation of Jemima - inside and out. It is a funny book - but there are some sad and serious moments too ...
It vaguely reminds me of a older Oprah Book Club book called She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb, also a good book - a bit more tragic and graphic -- ok, maybe not the same at all ... but when I read Jemima, I couldn't help thinking of Dolores. Has anyone else read She's Come Undone? It was a great weight loss inspiration for me when I read it ... maybe I will explain why later ...
I just realized that it is Friday the 13th ... hmmm ... are you superstitious?
I can hear AngelBaby upstairs repeating (over and over and over) bye SweetiePie, I looovvee you ... Oh, it makes my heart glad -- especially since SweetiePie continues to say bye, I loovvee you too ... They have their good days. Perhaps that is my Friday the 13th!
Well, I know that I haven't been a good blogger, nor a good blogger friend -- I have only skimmed most of your blogs lately -- except for you TTQ I continue to worry about your health and hope that you are ok -- the rest of you I SO COMPLETELY MISS, but can not seem to get things together enough to comment ... I know I have apologized about this numerous times here ... so I won't blather on ... just know that I will be around and hopefully I will, some day, be back in full swing -- whatever that is.
Blessings to you and yours,
Frannie
There are years that ask questions and years that answer. -- Zora Neale Hurston
Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.-- E. H. Chapin
You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you. -Dan Millman
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Nothing major ... just the daily grind of summer.
We have had a heat wave in our area, a rare occurrence for sure. It messed with every one's (think: KIDS!) sleep patterns and we all appear to be slightly drugged during the day. It is cooling down now though and I think we will live.
One major accomplishment this week -- I have been asked to apply for a position, with a Christian organization, that would allow me to work from home. The pay is good - the caveat is that I would need to be on the telephone at least 3 hours a day and I am just not sure I can keep the
I plucked -- in case you were wondering ... I did it. I am still a little shell shocked about the episode and continue to check the hairs on my head to see if there are any greys ...
Can you believe all of the emphasis that is being placed on the The Beckhams moving to the States? I can't get over ... it seems a little sick to me. That and the coverage of Eva & Tony's Wedding Swag. Come on ...
I have hit the weight loss plateau ... frustrating, it seems that no matter what I do I just can't get past this current weight -- I know that I am far better off than I was a year ago, but I would like to get into the 140's -- I would settle for 148 (then if I had water weight I might manage to stay below 150) ... I am at 154-157 these days - considering that I was 230+ when I started this mission, I know I am doing good -- but again I would really like to be in the 140's before I hit the big 4-0! Ok, enough.
I just finished a book about Lana Turner. Boy was she an interesting gal. I am not sure what prompted the read ... I think it was LittleMiss picking out library books for MaaMaa again ... but now I, of course, want to know more.
I also finished Jemima J by Jane Green - a good read ...
Jemima is umm ... a big girl. A really big girls at just shy of 100 pounds overweight.
Her roommates are rude social climbers who treat her like a servant. Her best friend (at work only) is the beautiful Geraldine. They work at the Kilburn Herald where the far less talented Geraldine gets Jemima to do her most important columns and, again of course, never thinks to give Jemima credit -- not that it would matter much with her sexist boss.
She is in love with Ben ... the handsome hunk at work who lusts after Geraldine and scarcely notices Jemima ...
The rest of the story includes Internet dating and romance - much weight loss, a move across the ocean ... a complete transformation of Jemima - inside and out. It is a funny book - but there are some sad and serious moments too ...
It vaguely reminds me of a older Oprah Book Club book called She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb, also a good book - a bit more tragic and graphic -- ok, maybe not the same at all ... but when I read Jemima, I couldn't help thinking of Dolores. Has anyone else read She's Come Undone? It was a great weight loss inspiration for me when I read it ... maybe I will explain why later ...
I just realized that it is Friday the 13th ... hmmm ... are you superstitious?
I can hear AngelBaby upstairs repeating (over and over and over) bye SweetiePie, I looovvee you ... Oh, it makes my heart glad -- especially since SweetiePie continues to say bye, I loovvee you too ... They have their good days. Perhaps that is my Friday the 13th!
Well, I know that I haven't been a good blogger, nor a good blogger friend -- I have only skimmed most of your blogs lately -- except for you TTQ I continue to worry about your health and hope that you are ok -- the rest of you I SO COMPLETELY MISS, but can not seem to get things together enough to comment ... I know I have apologized about this numerous times here ... so I won't blather on ... just know that I will be around and hopefully I will, some day, be back in full swing -- whatever that is.
Blessings to you and yours,
Frannie
There are years that ask questions and years that answer. -- Zora Neale Hurston
Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.-- E. H. Chapin
You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you. -Dan Millman
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Not by the hair on my chiny chin chin.
Well, it has officially happened. I have entered the club.
Some of you know it, some of you will and some of you adamantly deny knowing about the club.
You see, this morning I was wearily looking in the mirror .. contemplating a pluck or two in the eyebrow area and doing the overall facial scan ... come on, you know you do it too! No new blemishes, my cheeks are quite rosy since I got completely and utterly sun burnt yesterday ... anywho different story ... so I am checking away when I notice something foreign on my chin, well actually under my chin ... you can just imagine my shock! I don't yet have any of those upper lip hairs that some of my friends mention. Nor do I have any of those pesky grey hairs that I have hear of (not that I can tell at least -- thank you very much Miss Clairol). I did, while gestating AngleBaby, sprout some super pale, ultra soft peach fuzz in the side-burn area ... but it disappeared promptly after birth ...
As usual, I digress .... so here I am staring at this nearly 1/2 inch hair sticking out of my chin. Where the heck did that thing come from? It wasn't there yesterday. How did it get so long so quickly??
So, I plucked away. Does that mean that I will get 2 or ten back? Oh my heavens ... I hope not.
Is this the beginning of the rapid aging process? I am too young for that, aren't I? I am not yet 40! Doesn't your body got to hell after 40? Not before?
Ironically, I am just finishing up The Estrogen Underground: Reinvention, so I guess I was subconsciously preparing myself for this aging process ... or did I curse myself by reading up on it??
Hmmmm .... something to thing about.
Frannie
Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well. --Josh Billings
Good habits are as easy to form as bad ones. -- Tim McCarver
In him [Jesus our Lord] and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. Ephesians 3:12
Some of you know it, some of you will and some of you adamantly deny knowing about the club.
You see, this morning I was wearily looking in the mirror .. contemplating a pluck or two in the eyebrow area and doing the overall facial scan ... come on, you know you do it too! No new blemishes, my cheeks are quite rosy since I got completely and utterly sun burnt yesterday ... anywho different story ... so I am checking away when I notice something foreign on my chin, well actually under my chin ... you can just imagine my shock! I don't yet have any of those upper lip hairs that some of my friends mention. Nor do I have any of those pesky grey hairs that I have hear of (not that I can tell at least -- thank you very much Miss Clairol). I did, while gestating AngleBaby, sprout some super pale, ultra soft peach fuzz in the side-burn area ... but it disappeared promptly after birth ...
As usual, I digress .... so here I am staring at this nearly 1/2 inch hair sticking out of my chin. Where the heck did that thing come from? It wasn't there yesterday. How did it get so long so quickly??
So, I plucked away. Does that mean that I will get 2 or ten back? Oh my heavens ... I hope not.
Is this the beginning of the rapid aging process? I am too young for that, aren't I? I am not yet 40! Doesn't your body got to hell after 40? Not before?
Ironically, I am just finishing up The Estrogen Underground: Reinvention, so I guess I was subconsciously preparing myself for this aging process ... or did I curse myself by reading up on it??
Hmmmm .... something to thing about.
Frannie
Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well. --Josh Billings
Good habits are as easy to form as bad ones. -- Tim McCarver
In him [Jesus our Lord] and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. Ephesians 3:12
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