Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Fat girl mind, skinny girl body.

Do you suffer from it? Have you ever?

I wouldn't say I am skinny now ... the charts say that at under 5' 5" at 152 pounds I am slightly overweight. Now, if and when I hit 148 I will be considered healthy. Wow .. what a difference 4 pounds makes.

It has been quite a journey ... starting out the fat girl; at 230+ pounds the charts said I was Severely Obese, only one pound (one fricken pound) away from being Morbidly Obese. Well, thank heavens I put that last Pepsi down and changed my wicked ways ...

But here is the real deal ... no matter how much weight I lose, regardless of the new smaller size ... I still feel like the fat girl. I just can't help it. I still gravitate to the XXL in the store ... still look at the clothes in the window of the Big Girl Store ... even though I am officially out of the BG sizes .. it just doesn't matter ... I can't help it. I still feel big. Fat really. The mommy tummy doesn't help ... at all.

I don't know where I am going with all of this ... I do know that I have been trying to go there for well over a week - I keep coming back to this post, changing a word or two and then just saving ... (I am glad that the new Blogger automatically saves changes because I have been known to wander off and forget to save and them BLAM ... all is lost).

Anywho ... I guess where I am right now ... is that I am not in a club. Ya know? I am certainly not in the Skinny Girl Club but I have also been ostracized from the Fat Girl Club. My friends that are still in TFGC now, with fake smile intact, say things like 'hey skinny … do you even eat anymore' - or – 'she can't have that, she's on a diet'. (Like I have to prove to them I will still eat good/bad food). And if I actually decline something they act put out or try to talk me into it. They almost act as if I have betrayed them.

But I am not skinny … so it isn’t as if I can actually join that club either. How is it that a near middle-aged woman can still feel so high-schoolish?

Ok, I know I am ranting ... but this is really bugging me ... and maybe it is bugging me because I am wondering if I was like that when I was in TFGC ... I like to think not ... but misery does love company and I was a fairly miserable fat girl.


Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends. -- Cindy Lew

It's not what you do once in a while, it's what you do day in and day out that makes the difference. -- Jenny Craig

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
Mark 10:13-14


Lara Croft said...

Interesting post.
The word "comfort" screams out at me in this post, your friends are comfortable being a part of TFHC and you felt secure in there ?
When you feel ready go jeans shopping, once you check ya butt out you will find their comments less offensive ;-)

Jagular said...

I could do quite a bit of commenting on this subject, but I dunno if that's what you even want here.
I'll just say congratulations on losing eighty pounds so far, and that I'm glad to see you back online.

Heather said...

Don't let them bring you down.:)

Be proud. It takes a lot of work to lose weight.

I'll never consider myself skinny. And while I cringe at the "IT" girls, I've always secretly wondered what it would be like to be a memeber of the lollipop head club.

I guess I'll never know.

Word verification: CRKPY


TTQ said...

You don't need a "club"! Love yourself first and others will follow suit. Pat yourself on the back for all the work and sticking with your goals. I'm sure you look great, even if YOU can't see it yet.

Dawn said...

I can relate. Want to start a Not Obese Anymore But Not Really Thin More Like Averagely Healthy Club?
Congrats on the awesome weight loss! Be proud because that's quite a feat.
PS - I like your scripture at the end of your posts.

Jenster said...

Ouch. I'm definitely in the fat club right now. But you know, fat and skinny really is relative. While I'm the largest I've ever been, I have friends who are much larger. And when I was at my thinnest I had friends who were much thinner.

You come to lunch with me and order whatever you want! And I will, too. :o)

Sunshine said...

Congratulations, that is an awsome achievement. I hope in time you'll just start to feel comfortable with your new shape and size and it will eventually feel normal. I've been there where I lost weight and my mind still thought I was bigger.
I'm in the big sizes myself now and losing weight again. It is such a good feeling that I think it outweighs the other stuff. Surely there are lots of women out there who are just average and not skinny or fat.
Keep it up, I'm sure you are an inspiration to those around you.

Anonymous said...

Thats exactly how I feel right now after losing 50 lbs! I am still not terribly thin but I am nowhere near fat anymore either. I keep hearing the on a diet comments from people too.

I never set out to be stick thin. But now that I am thinner all around I am having a horribly hard time getting into that thinner mentality too. Thanks for the post. said...

I was watching Big Medicine and the doc there was saying that it can take up to two years to lose the fat mentality after a big weight loss!!

Be proud of what you have achieved as your and inspiration to many of your readers!!


Ps... and welcome back you were missed!!!