Do you suffer from it? Have you ever?
I wouldn't say I am skinny now ... the charts say that at under 5' 5" at 152 pounds I am slightly overweight. Now, if and when I hit 148 I will be considered healthy. Wow .. what a difference 4 pounds makes.
It has been quite a journey ... starting out the fat girl; at 230+ pounds the charts said I was Severely Obese, only one pound (one fricken pound) away from being Morbidly Obese. Well, thank heavens I put that last Pepsi down and changed my wicked ways ...
But here is the real deal ... no matter how much weight I lose, regardless of the new smaller size ... I still feel like the fat girl. I just can't help it. I still gravitate to the XXL in the store ... still look at the clothes in the window of the Big Girl Store ... even though I am officially out of the BG sizes .. it just doesn't matter ... I can't help it. I still feel big. Fat really. The mommy tummy doesn't help ... at all.
I don't know where I am going with all of this ... I do know that I have been trying to go there for well over a week - I keep coming back to this post, changing a word or two and then just saving ... (I am glad that the new Blogger automatically saves changes because I have been known to wander off and forget to save and them BLAM ... all is lost).
Anywho ... I guess where I am right now ... is that I am not in a club. Ya know? I am certainly not in the Skinny Girl Club but I have also been ostracized from the Fat Girl Club. My friends that are still in TFGC now, with fake smile intact, say things like 'hey skinny … do you even eat anymore' - or – 'she can't have that, she's on a diet'. (Like I have to prove to them I will still eat good/bad food). And if I actually decline something they act put out or try to talk me into it. They almost act as if I have betrayed them.
But I am not skinny … so it isn’t as if I can actually join that club either. How is it that a near middle-aged woman can still feel so high-schoolish?
Ok, I know I am ranting ... but this is really bugging me ... and maybe it is bugging me because I am wondering if I was like that when I was in TFGC ... I like to think not ... but misery does love company and I was a fairly miserable fat girl.
Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends. -- Cindy Lew
It's not what you do once in a while, it's what you do day in and day out that makes the difference. -- Jenny Craig
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."