Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Here we go again

New and improved ... well that's what I am hoping for anyway.

This week I start a new round of testing ... the oscopies; Gastroduodenoscopy, Endoscopy, Laparoscopy ... and the dreaded.I.can.hardly.say.it Colonoscopy. Yeehaw! Am I excite? Not so much!

While I am hopeful that some concrete answers will come for all of these tests (Please Lord, don't let them all be for nothing!), the lead up to them - not to mention the prepping - has me shakin' in my boots, and more than a little grossed out! Especially that last one.

The first one takes place on Thursday -- and the sucky part is that one must fast for a minimum of 12 hours before the test ... the one on Thursday is at 4:30 in the afternoon, so that means I can't eat all day, but I must still take all of my regular medications which make me feel sick as hell if I don't eat something with them. Ahhh but I am not complaining .. ok well I am, but can you blame me?

Because my body has become fairly immune to medications - many years of strong narcotic medications - it will take a heck of a lot of anesthesia to put me under. They anticipate that it will take 36-48 to come out of my drug induced coma, which means I have had to arrange for a bevy of child care - and husband care :) because God love him, Mr. Farmer is fairly incapable of managing when Mrs. Farmer is away!

Okay, so the bonus - with all the fasting, not to mention the cleansing, I might lose a pound or two or five ... and that could put me at my goal weight (125) which I have not been able to attain - I have been plateaued at 130 for about five or six months. I am okay at this weight, given the fact that it is 105 (at least) than I used to be ... but a girls gotta have a goal, right?

Funny (sorta) story ... early last week AngelBaby had a fever, the not funny part, and when she woke up she was quite wobbly - as one can get when feverish - she tried to walk into the living room be was too shaky to make, she looked up to me and said in a pitiful voice Mama, why are my legs going backwards? She must have repeated it three or four times before I could stop holding my breath trying not to giggle and scoope her up in my arms. Maybe you had to be there, but it was highly cute and very humorous! She is better now, but whenever she doesn't feel like walking she'll say My legs are going backwards again. She is one smart cookie!

Out for now,

For as the earth bringeth forth her bud, and as the garden causeth the things that are sown in it to spring forth; so the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations. Isaiah 61:11

“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.” Rita Rudner

Saturday, May 17, 2008


My computer finally crashed for good.

Nothing like being forced into spending money you don't have. But I must say that I am thrilled with my new computer ... it is so fast and has all of these cool new functions.

It has Window's Vista. Which I haven't used before and understand that it can be a bit ... ummm ... tempermental. But I am sure that I will figure it out.

Nothing much else has changed .. still seeing a slew of Doctors. Still not getting any answers.

Well, that isn't entirely true - I do know that I don't have a brain tumor, I don't have any allergies, nor do I have any detectable cancers ... so I do have some answers. Just not any answers that help.

We have been busy, busy, busy with year end (school) activities. The kids have so many daily activities that make my head swirl ... I can haardly keep up. Add to that my cooking schedule, volunteer schedule and daily work schedule.

We finally have a taste of summer/spring in our neck of the woods - thank goodness ... I am relishing in the warmth. And being able to plant a garden - there is nothing like your own fresh veggies. The kids love working in the garden and presenting their own carrots, beans and tomoatoes.

On of my favorite bloggers/author's is getting ready to release her newest book .. check her out, if you don't already ...

Hope your weekend is TERRIFIC.


Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. ~Albert Einstein

Thursday, May 01, 2008


that is who I am here - on this blog.

I chose it. I know. Very intentionally.

Because I had to. Because once upon a time I had a blog where I spoke more freely about my Real Life, my family and all that it entailed ... and I got burned.

It happens. But it makes it hard sometimes. Especially when I forget how much I have actually said here and how much I have wanted to say -- not always the same thing.

Let me clarify - I don't lie here, I just don't talk about the things that I really want to talk about. It is all more superficial than I would like it to be. Especially right now when I have so much to say.It sort of takes away from the whole reason that I started blogging ... so that I could write, which I love. So that I could have an outlet, which I need.

The side effects of the new med are running rampant. I am a wreck. The things is, it is hard to tell what is a side effect and what is real. Am I catching a cold, or are those the flu like symptoms that they mention? Am I going to start my period, or are these the intense abdominal pains indicated? It is enough to make you crazy. Which of course, Mr Farmer thinks I am.

My anxiety level is HIGH, which makes my cranky and definitely leads to depression. Thougths of suicide ... not so much. But I can see how some might get there from here. Although I can barely hold a thought pattern together, so ....

4 more weeks, I think.

On the plus side - no weight gain, nor any weight loss. The nausea is hell, but it does keep me from pigging out.

This weekend I am spending some serious girlfriend time -- going out for drinks at a Tapa's Bar. Now of course I can't drink and I don't really know what Tapa's are, but it doesn't really matter - I am going out with friends - some I know, some I don't - and I am going to let my hair down just a little.

I hope you have something fun planned for your pre-Mother's day weekend.


You know when I feel inwardly beautiful? When I am with my girlfriends and we are having a 'goddess circle'. Jennifer Aniston

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ... Romans 5:1