Wednesday, December 03, 2008

I cannot tell a lie

I have been avoiding the blog world lately.
Mostly because I don't want to talk about it ... all of it. The bad stuff, of which there is plenty. The good stuff, of which I seem to be searching for.
I want to retreat into myself and not come out .. which of course, I can not do with all these children and all these things call RESPONSIBILITIES. But I am making a good effort at withdrawing from life.
It isn't just the blog world that I have been avoidin' friends, family, church, work, bathing (well, just today!) Just doin' what needs to get done and that's about it.

Crap. This is NOT the post I wanted to do.
I wanted sunshine and roses ... but then I went and did the title and now I can 't seem to fabricate any good stories.

My brothers death seems to be looming over us ... me mostly but everyone seems to be holding on to it and trying to process it and yet we can't begin to understand. That is what suicide does to you. I know ... leaves so many unanswered questions. I have read all of the pamphlets - I got it down ... but I am still expecting him to come on over and tell my why. I think we all are. You simply can't move past it - unless of course you were never *there* to begin with. (I am talking about all of those who say "you should just let it go and move on" "he is in a better place" yada, yada, yada).

sunny side, sunny side, sunny side .... I am trying to get there from here.

I did my own Pay it forward this week and it felt great.
I got family pictures done before Christmas.
I got cards for the pictures to go in.
I think I have stamps. I also think they are about 5 years old since that is the last time I sent out cards .... hmmm ... what is postage now?
I now know for certain that I can rule of brain cancer - as I have had every possible test known to man. (there is still something there but we don't know what)
It has not snowed yet this year.

Ok .. that is about all of the fluff I can muster ...
still thinkin' about y'all.


Therefore I tell you that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit.
1 Corinthians 12:3


TTQ said...

You posted! Yay! Baby Steps!

Buffy said...

I think I need to try a Pay It Forward myself....

Have a great Christmas.