Thursday, March 15, 2007

In line at the DMV.

Because it is my favorite place in the world, I thought I would share my experience with YOU!
Feelin' lucky? Ya should.

I have a birthday comin' up in the next couple of months - no I won't say when because I am tryin' to leave out specific details so *people* who don't love me as much as y'all don't try to use it all against me some day ... paranoid much? Yea - whatever!

Ok, so the birthday .. which this year means I need to get a new drivers license ... I learned that I could have just done it on live if I had saved the stupid postcard that they sent to remind me that I am another year older ... but obviously they have never been to my home because if they had, they would know that there is no way I could keep track of a flimsy little postcard ... which apparently has some super secret never to be repeated numbers on it ...

Digressing again - its gonna happen tonight - just warnin' ya right now!

So, off I go - kids in tow ... to the funnest place on earth! YeeHaw! Since they are feelin' better my girlies are more that a little snarky this week. I knew that heading to the DMV would be a challenge, but I went in armed with coloring books, *homework* books (as LittleMiss likes to call anything that you actually write in), fruit snacks, fruit juice, lollipops (bribery - I am not above it!) and stickers (major bribery there!)

We arrive as early as we possibly can - not as early as they open - but as early as I am capable of getting there. Of course on the way there both LittleMiss and AngelBaby have decided to remove their socks and shoes and in my search I am only able to find on of AngelBaby's socks ... what gives with that? So I attempt to put her shoes on with out socks which results in a bevy of screams that I am certain will alert the CSP office across the street ... some swift thinking reminds me that I have a bag of give away shoes and sandals in the back of the big rig - AngelBaby is never one to pass up an opportunity to wear sandals ... so after digging through the giant glad bag, I locate a pare that I can squeeze her chubby little feet into ...

Whew ... off we go!

We enter and go to take our number ... you know those little pull out tabs that always tear. Yea, well we each have to have one - or else more screamin' is sure to ensue. We are numbers 89, 90, 91. The numbers at each of the 6 (S-I-X) stations - (on a Thursday morning thank.you.very.freakin.much!) 12 - 16 - 4 (wt?) 27 - 28 - 24. The odds of gettin' this all wrapped up by lunch = slim!

And my babies ... I just wanna tell you how sweet and polite they were. How obedient ... how much they listened when I spoke ... yea, I could tell you all that, but you would know that I was lying!

If I didn't know better, I would have sworn these they took a liberal dose of Ritalin before we left the house -- that makes you hyper, right? I haven't ever actually seen it ... but I think that is what I have heard ... and so, they were simply buzzin' --- this DMV is fairly new and is a decent size .. there is a lot of excess space at the back of the room (thank heavens!) and so they ran - back and forth, back and forth. For a good hour - and still we hadn't been called - in fact, the highest number on the board was 53 or something ...

All I can think at this point is that I really (really, really, really) wish that I had a laptop, so that I could blog about all of the weirdo's there ... these people are messed up! Are they lookin' at me thinkin' the same thing ... for letting my girls run semi-wild? hmmm.

An hour - that is all my girls can do. They simply can not stay semi-behaved for more than an hour in one spot. It just doesn't happen.

The breakdown begins and my face is crimson. Seriously. I am sitting there, thinking I am going to throw up from embarrassment - or maybe those fruit snacks ... blech. AngelBaby is runnin' from creepy person to creepy person sayin' "I four ... Hi I four". Which is one thing on its own - except she isn't four! Not even close. So I am sure that people think she is a little developmentally challenged ... but I do not want to talk to these people to defend my baby ... I just wanna go home.

I spend the next hour steering AngelBaby away from one pedophile looking guy, then she runs to a teen aged boy with piercings in every part of his body ... she giggles, he blushes -- thank God HeartBreaker wasn't there ... he could have certainly been her next potential boyfriend - if she was allowed to have one ...

She swoops away from me, to run directly in to an old lady who looks eerily like Mrs. Doubtfire, using a walker. A walker - I find myself praying that either she is just here for a new ID card - or - that I leave before she does ... then she speaks -- and she sounds just like Mrs. Doubtfire ... Ohhh, you better watch out lass, I almost ran ya over with my little buggy here ... you have to pay attention to your mother dear - you can get hurt in a place like this ... blah, blah, blah. I swear she was lecturing me. Right there in the DMV - maybe she was an older NANNY 911 - not that I could use Nanny 911's services, but I was pretty freaked by this time ... and exhausted and freakin' PO'd!

We scuttle to a corner and I bring out the lollipop ... praying that this bribery will work -- and shockingly it did. For the seven additional moments that we had to wait until #89 was called. We head up - the long walk of shame - to the window and just as I get there the lady is moving to #90 ... because we are freakin' slow ... duh, can't she see me headin' up there all breathless and such ...

Anywho, it doesn't matter, because we have #90 too! One small blessing at a time baby ...

The lady gives me the instructions in her best Rosie Perez voice - so, ju.jus.wanna.put.jur.head right.there.in.that.cup. Read the top line ... yada, yada, yada (yea, I can't write an accent - sue me.)

And then she says so, do.ju.wanna.change.da.weight? What, I say. The.weight, is.not.right. I am all set to be insulted ... the irony is that this happened to me last time I was there ... 4-5 years ago, something like that ... the gal said the same thing (with a Asian accent instead) ... all 96 pounds of her told me that it might appear that I did not weigh the 108 pounds listed on my drivers licence - the weight that I gave when I got my original learners permit ... the weight that I didn't weigh then and probably have never weighed -- well, perhaps in the 5th grade, but that is a stretch because I know I weighed 121 in the 6th grade and was mortified by that fact ...

Ok, so back to Rosie ... She says Honey, theweightitsnotright, jucantweighthat. I just stared and then had to grab AngelBaby as she was about to run into the line where they take your picture ... so I glare at Rosie, am about to say something snide - and she says baby, ju.have.lost.alotta.weight - be happy!

Well, of course now I just wanna take Rosie home and ... well with me everywhere so she can tell everyone that I look better now than I did the last time I got my drivers license. At the very least I want to give her a hug or some fruit snacks - well on second thought, the fruit snacks are still in the pit of my tummy ...

So, can you believe it ... after almost 3 hours - or was it 4? - I walked out of the DMV with a giant smile on my face -- I even took LittleMiss and AngelBaby to DQ for ice cream ... and no, I didn't eat any ...

My horoscope today said something about control, freedom and endurance... all in all, I think the fact that I made it through the day indicates that I don't have any control, freedom is how you define it and endurance... certainly it takes endurance to get through a day with my sweet babies ...

Frannie


Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. - Grandma Moses

A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success. -Dr. Joyce Brothers

Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death -- that is, the devil. Hebrews 2:14

1 comment:

ffleur said...

ok Frannie: that was freakin' hilarious!

Reminds me of the "Bettlejuice" movie scene, at the end, when he gets his number in the heaven/hell reception room and its: 1,325,567,944

Congrats on surviving DMV with two kidlets!