Tuesday, April 03, 2007

I wonder if you'll be back.

And by you ... I mean the people who lurked around daily and never commented ... my blogger friends, I think, will remain my friends despite my recent disappearing act. But those who lurk, well, I just doubt that they are as invested.

I don't blame them really ... I haven’t been as ardent a blogger as I had hoped to be. I had a plan of sorts … a method to my own madness really – but then life kept happening and I wasn’t able to post as much as I wanted, not that I haven’t thought about it … that is the other issue; I have found blogging (reading, posting, commenting) to be an obsessive hobby. One that I can hardly stop thinking about; why couldn’t I have taken up jogging instead?

Anywho … I am not nearly back yet. Mr. Farmer’s new venture has, indeed, caused much more work for me … but so far it has been a fabulous thing for him – so I will continue to support him to the best of my ability! (I would either way, but it is much easier when the venture is a success!)

And I have been cookin’ more than I thought I would! Business is not too shabby for a hick like me :O) It will still take us about a year, I think, to catch up from gettin’ behind … but we are on our way.

Another reason for my continued sabbatical is more personal.

In the past two weeks I have discovered that one dear friend is being cheated on by their spouse, at the same time I have learned that another is doin’ some cheatin’ … it is really breaking my heart. And it is a hard spot to be stuck in. Not knowing what to say or do … do you let them know you know (either party?) … do I tell them what I really think? Part of me says ‘it’s none of your business Frannie, keep out of it’ while the other part of me screams ‘if I don’t say something isn’t that like condoning the behavior?’

It isn’t the first time I have been in this spot – I was here many times in high school and my early 20’s … and I did learn that the messenger was usually shot. But it is different now for two reasons – 1) I am a Christian and these are folks who claim the faith and have (in the past) appreciated my Christian outlook and honesty and 2) there are children involved.

I keep going back to ‘would I want to know … really?’

I think I would. But I really can’t say for sure … I think in my mind if Mr. Farmer was going to have a ‘one off’ with someone, I wouldn’t want to know necessarily. But if it was an actual on going thing – of course I would want know, preferably before everyone else in my sleepy little town knew …

Urgh! I am hating this … the more I write about it the more I can feel the pit in the bottom of my stomach grow!

What do you think?


You don't have to be alone in your hurt! Comfort is yours. Joy is an option. And it's all been made possible by your Savior. -Joni Eareckson Tada

God's everywhere. God's in the effort, God's in the struggle, whether that's for civil rights or creative expression. God's always in the struggle with us. -Anne Lamott

I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great congregation. Psalm 40:10


Evil Pru said...

I would tell because I would want to know if it was me. But you need to be prepared to lose the friendship. Like you said "shoot the messenger" and whatnot.

Anne said...

Even when it sucks, truth is always better. :)

Iris said...

Well, I was cheated on in my first marriage. I didn't find out until after that marriage was over. I used to think I would want to know, but now, I am not so sure. I don't think I would have liked to have been told outright. I do wish that someone would have talked to my then husband and told him what kind of damage he was doing.

Iris said...

Sorry about my page, Frannie, it shows up for me alright.

TSS said...

I would say don't tell, unless it's for your best friend. You will lose the friendship, maybe look like a busybody, and gain yourself an enemy.

But also don't cover up for him/her. If your friend asks if you saw them out with another person, there's no reason to lie. If it's a guy cheater, guys cheat dumb, so he'll probably get caught in his own time anyway.

I learned early on that you never ever get involved with someone else's relationship, and especially not a marriage. Married people are by definition a little crazy (sorry), and they do very irrational things when confronted with losing the marriage.

Maybe there's a way to let the person know it's obvious without actually busting them? Like how you punish a two year old's toy for something the kid did, just to let the kid know it was wrong?

Leave a pair of underwear on his (if it's a guy) rearview mirror. Ha!

Kari Lee Townsend said...

That is a tough call. I've never been in that situation so I don't really know. I'm not really any help, am I? Sorry.

But I'm commenting and I'll always come back;))

ramblin rose said...

Guilty!!! of lurking and not commenting..... Sorry!!! I'll always be back though!!!

As for the friend thing... Hard one .... I'd want to know... Betrayl is horrible... and what happens if these friends find out you knew and never said anything?? they'd be devastated... either way your not in a very good situation..

Perhaps prayer will help... Good luck :)

Beth said...

wow, I think...no I KNOW, I would want to know. there are all kinds of nasty stuff out there and I wouldn't want him bringing anything hpme and THAT be how I found out.

I guess it depends on what kind of friendship you have...is it where you can tell each other ANYTHING and it's okay, or do you have to guard what you say....tough call.

Swishy said...

I think it depends on who it is, too. To be honest, I don't think anyone is really surprised when they find out about an affair--I think most people are just in denial, and deep down, they do know. That said, I don't think anyone would be thrilled to hear it from someone else.