In my case, and I think it is so for many people, I do not necessarily feel worthy of happiness. I want it. I crave it. I seek it out. But when it is there …I am just sitting back waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And it does. It always does.
I am not saying that what I have been experiencing this week isn’t genuine anguish … in a bigger way than I ever dreamt possible. For ME. For MY family.
However, I am keenly aware that my anguish and heartache is really nothing compared to the misery of others.
I know this and I weep for those in pain. Truly. I sit here at this computer and I read about little Jaymun's battle with acute myeloid leukemia. It is heart wrenching. Here is this little guy who is suffering so much each day. And his parents Dave and Jennifer Kaat - the Faith these people have is simply amazing to me. If you have any sort of Faith or you want to feel the Faith of another, just read Dave's December 13th post. If you don't get an inkling of Faith ... well I don't know what to say about you. David's Faith is Bigger than I could ever hope to achieve.
My friend T wrote about little Isabella's battle with Neuroblastoma cancer. The inspiration of this tiny precious girl and the endeavors of her parent to make this cancer known is astonishing. The impact on the family unit is huge. Bigger than most families will ever endure. How could I not weep when I read about them?
And, of course, in blog world there was the arrival of the Greek Tragedy babies. Lucas Beckett and Abigail Ruby, born to Stephanie Klein and her husband Phillip. 10 weeks premature, less than 3 lbs each, tied to breathing tubes, IVs, temperature controls, apnea alerts, feeding tubes. Even though we live in a technically advanced society, the fear these new parents have is certain. Look at the picture of little Lucas Beckett, weep with concern, weep with joy. He is a little guy who has a Bigger fight on his hands than his parents could have predicted. But he, and Abigail Ruby, have a Bigger force behind them - their parents, the prayer of hundreds ... and a God who takes time for the tiniest children and the most challenging problems.
Putting MY life into perspective. There are so many issues out there that are Bigger than mine, so many sadness’s that I can not even begin to imagine. And so much Faith that I just need to tap into.
I still need to convince myself that I am worthy of happiness. That sadness and trials will come, but I must embrace the happiness that I am given - embrace it, appreciate it, savor it and remember it when life throws me the Bigger dilemmas.
I still need to convince myself that I am worthy of happiness. That sadness and trials will come, but I must embrace the happiness that I am given - embrace it, appreciate it, savor it and remember it when life throws me its Biggest dilemmas.
In that spirit, I am thankful for:
* AngelBaby’s laughter, smile and kisses
* LittleMiss’s hugs, keen wisdom, and sense of compassion
* SweetiePie’s ability to forgive, sweet and gentle nature, and her undying loyalty
* Heartbreaker’s spirit, strength, drive and potential
* Mr. Farmer’s attempts of understanding, trustworthiness and his absolute love for his children
* That I am able to be a parent to my children, even when it is most difficult
* For blogging and the social network that has made my life richer, caused me to consistently reevaluate my thoughts, and added so many new friends to my life.
* That we have heat, water, power and food. We are taken care of, even if it is a stretch.
* We have our health. We are so lucky.
I am so thankful for a God that constantly reminds me how much He loves me, through all of my sins, my failures and my doubts. He Loves Me. I am Loved and Lovable. He is Bigger than this current heartache.
and I am worthy of happiness.
Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.-Bono
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16
The angel said to [Mary], "Do not be afraid, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever." Luke 1:30-33