And this time it isn't in the snow.
I am stuck with kid stuff.
More specifically ... hmmm. How do I get specific without getting too specific?
This is how it is when no one in your *real* life knows about your cyber life ...
Let me just throw it out there ...
SweetiePie is a tender hearted child. This is both a blessing and a curse.
A blessing because she has so much empathy for people, such concern for mistreatment of others ... a true to desire to see people happy. Such a blessing.
The curse? SweetiePie takes everything (and I mean E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G) to heart. It weighs her down and causes her great sorrow. A mistreated soul or a harsh word said, and SweetiePie is beside herself, often finding it difficult to let go what can not be *fixed*.
Which makes parenting difficult, to say the least.
Discipline, no matter how minor, always leads to tears and hurt feelings.
Punishment, in any form, results in the conclusion of rejection.
Disappointment, open dialog, a voice raised … well anything other than shiny happy faces equates to tears, sadness, isolation … or at least in her own mind.
I find myself not knowing how to parent this amazingly wonderful, yet bewildering child.
Part of the issue is that she doesn't seem able to think things through. The relations between cause and effect just don't resonate with her. It goes beyond the normal pre-teen stuff ... we've talked to doctors, counselors, educators ... but it just isn't easily defined. It is difficult to get into here, in writing, without describing specific incidents, behaviors, patterns ...
Some days are ok. Some days we can manage to get through the day with out a major outburst or disaster ... other days, it seems a comedy of errors; one thing after another, one excuse after another, one tear after another - hers and mine.
I am not sure why I am putting this out there today; those of you who know me know that I try (hard) not to provide too many revealing details here ... there are reasons for that, good reasons.
But I guess I write this because today was one of those days ... something wrong, broken, forgotten, hurtful at every turn ... and I feel stuck. As a parent, I just feel stuck. I lose a part of myself each time I see her sad eyes ... because I feel like she is losing a part of herself. Because I loved a life where everyone told me I wasn't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, coordinated enough ... enough - period, and I don't ever want her to think that is what I am saying to her when I am really just trying to talk about action and consequences.
I just want to do right by her ... but I don't know how.
It's never too late. You can't screw up so badly that God can’t find something worth building in the wreckage, that life can’t assert its return when it is time. -Barbara Crafton
I've learned that people will forget what you said, People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? Psalm 56:4