I can picture myself saying, quietly, “forgive me Father, for it has been … umm, Father, excuse me but what do I say if I have never actually confessed my sins, I mean I am a Christian and all and I did ask Jesus to forgive my sins … but confession of the actual sins, yea well umm no I don’t think I have actually ever said those … um you know … out loud or anything …”
Right, well my confession; it isn’t nearly as exciting as some of the stories I read when I googled “Forgive me Father, for it has been”. I might just be boring, at least currently. If I had to go back and lay it all on the line … well I would be blushing and I just don’t think I could get through it all.
Ok, yes, I remember ... the confession. Geez now I have made such a big deal about it I feel like I should spice it up a bit … but I won’t.
Every Sunday I am eager to get home from Church so that I can read the most recent installment on the PostSecret site. Sometimes I sit in church and wonder what new secrets will appear. Will I recognize any of the handwriting? Will someone else tell my secret? Which ones will be true?
I will stop short of saying it is an addiction, but I do look forward to it and I do miss it during the week.
Foe a while there was a site called secrets, it was similar to PostSecret in that people could anonymously post their secrets. I am sure that the intent was good and that some people really felt a release from it, but mostly I think it turned into a raunchy bitching spot.
I read it for a few weeks, off and on, and started to get a little put off by the contents. The next time I went to read it, I got an error message and I googled it and I saw messages all over asking “What happened to ….” – so who knows.
It could have been interesting, I am not sure if I would be more willing to send a secret via the internet or via the mail. Both certainly have privacy drawbacks. I am not enough of a computer person to know if my post could be tracked, but I am betting it could. And I am sure that a postcard could fairly easily be tracked as well …
Either way, I haven’t sent or posted anything … not that I don’t have any secrets, just that I don’t really know how to put any of them into words.
At one time, I thought that a blog might be a good place to make ones confessions. I quickly learned that this isn't exactly a safe forum either.
Maybe the best place is the confessional, with the Father who can dole out your penance and offer up absolution. This might be the one place that is still protected, although I am not sure about the ‘rules’ of Catholicism … I thought it was a little like The Attorney-Client Privilege .. but I don’t know much about that either.
What about you? How do you handle your confessions? I am curious .. there are things in my head that torment me somewhat .. that I just need to get out - I am not an axe murderer or anything, but just demons from the past that can keep me awake at night.
~ Most Humbly,
Frannie
The present is what slips by us while we're pondering the past and worrying about the future.- Ziggy, cartoon foible
This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. -John 15:12-13
4 comments:
I avoid confession at all cost, mostly because I don't want to spontaniously combust the church but shocking the father- I am fairly sure that God frowns on that. LOL We all have "sin" the thing is sin is subjective. What is sin for one is not for another. For example, some people will tell you a little white lie to protect someones feelings on an issue that is of little importance is no big deal, others will tell you lying is lying and it is wrong. I personally go with the first, my niece does NOT need to know she accidently killed her cat when she tied him to the dog rope so she would not run away. Of course the cat got scared and tried to run and she snapped her neck. There is no reason what-so-ever for the 7 yearold to know that,, especially one who is a total love and was trying to protect the cat because they were moving and she did not want to the cat to get hurt by the trucks. Can you imagine what that would do to her? Sorry I went off topic didn't I? I needed to get that out, I have been wracked with sadness over it, my worst fear is that she will accidently find out at some point- she really is a very sensitive little girl, she would be devistated!
As far as my demons, some of them I don't know, it has taken time but I have had to learn to forgive myself. We all make mistakes, and the fact is we forgive others much more easily then we forgive ourselves. For me personally I try to step back and look at it if it were someone else. Would I be more leinent in that case? Most of the time I would, others not so much. It just depends. The fact is though after the fact you can not change what has happened so you must learn to accept it. Some things I have learned I just HAVE to let go, there was no rhyme or reason for it, there was no why, there was no answer for it and by eating myself up over it all I did was make myself incrediably sad and stressed. No one is perfect... but damn it I should be! LOL We are normally our own worst enemies and harshest critique. The true test of love is learning to look at yourself and see the good, bad and realise that you can be difined by either it is your choice. If you choose to define yourself by your ghosts then you will in effect become that person you are so affraid of, but if you choose to say they are a part of me but not all of me you will find you are a lot better off then you think. Sometimes the hardest decisions and choices are not nessicarily the easiest to live with but they were the right thing for the time. I can not go back, and I have to trust that God had a purpose to it, I may never understand it or "get it" but in time I hope to and if not, well... what do you do. Personally the ol saying "if I knew then what i knew now I would have done things different" ia a crock. Of course you would but life is not like that- you can not beat yourself up for decisions you made 10 years ago because you know now had you choose the opossite it probably would have worked out, at the time you had no clue and only knew what you knew then. I spent a lot of time doing this and finally realised it was doing nothing but hurting me. Sometimes, life just sucks. There is no reason for it, it just does- once you stop looking for the answers... it is easier to get through! ;)
Lord I did a T purge all over your blog too! LOL It is funny you posted this I have been thinking of this a lot lately.
I dont go to confession either perhaps thats my problem??
I 've always wondered how many post secret, secrets are true...
I have never understood confessionals with a priest, and it is hard to define "sin" anyways because it's such a subjective thing. I think most people have a healthy conscience and don't want to intentionally hurt another human being. We are just trying to muddle through life the best way we know how and sometimes our choices aren't the best. But to have to tell your "mistakes" to a priest and hope they forgive you is just embarassing and designed to make you feel inadequate. Which I think most people feel anyways. Why rub it in? I wouldn't make a very good Catholic.
As for letting go of past "sins" I don't know what I do, really. I guess I try and come to terms with it as in "I was young" or "didn't know what I was doing" and just try to do better next time. I have a pretty healthy conscience that keeps me in line most of the time. I don't need any help feeling guilty.
Sorry this rambled on a bit. Is that a sin too?
Good post.
Whew T .. You can purge on my blog any time. Seriously - your words really hit close to home. I think that when you have Faith, a relationship with Christ life is almost harder. I find myself second guessing myself and my *sins* often .. knowing that I am basically a good person, but feeling guilty about thinking, or feeling a certain way ...
RR .. It is hard to guage, whether they are true or not. I have one of the books and read it over and over .. I just don't know. I don't know who would actually put themselves out there - at least potentially. They are interesting though.
Trish - A sin is a sin is a sin - right? Thus my issue. Do you confess littering in the same manner that you confess impure thoughts or the same way that you declare evil thoughts towards someone .. I just don't get it and I am not brave enough to ask my Pastor, although I am sure he would tell me ... :o)
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