Tuesday, February 06, 2007


For some; forgiveness comes easily; it rolls off the tongue and vanishes from the heart with little effort.

While others hold on to their grudges until they are steeped in bitterness. They use them as excuses to move forward in life, allowing them to dictate their social lives, their family wellness and likely their health.

Why is it sometimes easier to harbor those feelings of resentment, than to just let them go? Don’t they hurt you just as much as the offending party? Are you winning an ultimate prize by not releasing those hostile feelings? What gives?

Bitterness rapidly leads to hate, which brews within you and taints everything around you. Is this the life you want to live?

How do you get past it? Write a letter? Explain your view … to a person who may or may not listen? You can clear the air … for yourself, for your future, for your own well-being.

Forgiveness does not absolve the wrongs done, it can not change the past – it can only enrich the future. It can (I swear) allow you to live a life that is anchored in hope and potential … it will allow you to breathe more freely, trust more readily, and embrace more openly.

Without forgiveness life is governed by...an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation. - Roberto Assagioli

My friends, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained. Philippians 3:13-15

Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Amos 5:14


Jenster said...

Wise words, Frannie.

Anonymous said...

Amen Amen!!! Forgiveness makes you feel so much better.... I wrote the letter got a reply, and I felt tons better@@ Tons..... It takes a lot to forgive... but it's so worth it....

T-girl said...

Your reading that book aren't you? LOL

Well, the thing is, depending on who you are talking about it is a matter of perspective. For example, with my mother time, distance and an understanding that even though she acts like a trailor bitch from time to time, she herself is scared and lonely and is doing the best she can. This does not make her right, easy to understand or nice many times but it has made me much more tollerant of her. Many times when she is being super hag I will say something to the effect of "Mom I love you but I gots to go!" I validate her AND I get to leave while saying, your behavior will not be tolerated like this I am leaving. Does that make sense?

With hubby... that has been harder. It is realising my part in stuff. It has been realising he is NOT my father. It has been realising he really DOES love me very much or he would not be here.

With myself.... sigh this one is harder then others BUT... for me I have looked at things from an outside point of view for help in some issues. In others it has been time and maturity speaking to me about the "truth" of the matter- just because I feel it doesn't make it real so to speak. Some of it is looking in myself and being REALLY honest- looking at the situation objectively and saying, "I did not know then what I know now I did the right thing with the info I had!" Does that make sense? We can not change the past only the future. Oh another is looking at my motivation for something now... is it to assauge my own wants and needs or someone elses? By keeping an action going that is not benificial to both parties then it is harder to let something do? Does that make sense? This works for all situations, looking at my current motives... HONESLTY! LOL

Good luck darling, it will all work out. Learn not to be so hard on yourself, unless you are a psycho ax murder named Bill NOTHING you are feeling guilty about is THAT bad.

Jagular said...

What a wonderful post.
I read a book once "The Hiding Place" by Corrie ten Boom. A recurring statement in the book was that the reason that most people are hurt is because they express love for someone and that love is blocked. It is very difficult to be hurt by a stranger. The way to overcome the hurt is by releasing that love.
I do not know if this is true, as I have never really had difficulty with forgiveness. I've been forgiven for so much that who am I to hold a grudge? I would have to be very proud to still be able to refuse to forgive someone.

primarycolors said...

Amen sistah! Once, after throwing a tantrum when I was in the 5th grade my best friend told me how ridiculous I looked. She told me to get over it- that I can't control anybody but my own self. (Wise words from an 11 year old)
Some days it's difficult. But there's only one person that goes through life with you... yourself. So I try to make that voice in my head as pleasant as possible and treasure the moments that are dear to me... all too soon we'll be saying "Remember when..."

Always thinking of you!

Beth said...

forgiveness IS so hard....I think cuz it does so much for you. If it were easy, you wouldn't appreciate it as much.

prunella jones said...

I guess I've had an easy life. I don't harbor bitterness toward any one person so I don't feel any need to forgive. Well except for all those popular bitches who made fun of me in high school, but I plan on hating them till the die I die. Kiss my butt, popular bitches!!

Swishy said...

I think the mistake people make is thinking they have to condone the behavior to forgive it. You don't have to be OK with what they did, you just have to let it not take any of your power or energy. Still easier said than done, but a good thing to work toward.