Life is more important than blogging.
And I have been concentrating on life ... important parts of my life ... but I do need this blogging outlet.
I wish, oh how I wish, that I could just say - I feel better ... but that would be a lie and really I am lying every where else in my life - I just can't lie here.
I received some really good feed back, from a really good friend, regarding my rant last week. It's a lot of feed back - but I asked for it ... and my good friend is really pretty right on - which makes me sad.
Because she sees things (pretty much) as they are. I do too; it just isn't so easy to change things when you are living them.
The name of my blog came about because my life has long been quite scrambled - and try as I might, I just can't seem to unscramble things ... it's like that ball of string that is so tangled that you just can't make heads nor tails of it ... or even better - the slinky that becomes so tangled that you almost have to unwind the entire thing to get it back into slinky form, except that in doing so you almost always make the slinky an unrecognizable form.
That, my friends, is the life that I lead. It's mine, but it is an unrecognizable form.
Now, let me just say this; I am not just sittin' back waitin' for things to change themselves. No way cowboy. I am on the horse, tryin' my best to mend broken fences and patchin’ up some holes in the road … I am workin' on the thing that only I can fix - me.
My sense of self .
My joy/care/love/affection for myself and others (for and with).
My strength - physically, mentally ... you know.
... the me things ... there are more, I know.
I understand that it all needs to start with me. I have said it before – in our house the mantra is; If Mama Ain’t Happy Ain’t Nobody Happy! I think this is true in most homes … but it is a cycle … how does Mama get happy with out the help of others in the house?
So, that is where I am at the moment – I am workin’ on the me things. I am. But I am also feelin’ sad because I know, as much as I work, I can’t do it alone. I can not fix it on my own. It just doesn’t work that, at least not for me. And right now, there isn't another option.
Of course, there is more to the story. There always is, right?
As always, thanks for listenin’ - and remember - Jag is right; life is more important.
Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. William James (1842-1910)
I do not at all understand the mystery of grace--only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us. -Anne Lamott
And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. Psalms 9:10