Thursday, February 15, 2007

Jagular is right.

Life is more important than blogging.


And I have been concentrating on life ... important parts of my life ... but I do need this blogging outlet.

I wish, oh how I wish, that I could just say - I feel better ... but that would be a lie and really I am lying every where else in my life - I just can't lie here.

I received some really good feed back, from a really good friend, regarding my rant last week. It's a lot of feed back - but I asked for it ... and my good friend is really pretty right on - which makes me sad.

Because she sees things (pretty much) as they are. I do too; it just isn't so easy to change things when you are living them.

The name of my blog came about because my life has long been quite scrambled - and try as I might, I just can't seem to unscramble things ... it's like that ball of string that is so tangled that you just can't make heads nor tails of it ... or even better - the slinky that becomes so tangled that you almost have to unwind the entire thing to get it back into slinky form, except that in doing so you almost always make the slinky an unrecognizable form.

That, my friends, is the life that I lead. It's mine, but it is an unrecognizable form.

Now, let me just say this; I am not just sittin' back waitin' for things to change themselves. No way cowboy. I am on the horse, tryin' my best to mend broken fences and patchin’ up some holes in the road … I am workin' on the thing that only I can fix - me.
My attitude.
My sense of self .
My joy/care/love/affection for myself and others (for and with).
My expectations.
My strength - physically, mentally ... you know.

... the me things ... there are more, I know.

I understand that it all needs to start with me. I have said it before – in our house the mantra is; If Mama Ain’t Happy Ain’t Nobody Happy! I think this is true in most homes … but it is a cycle … how does Mama get happy with out the help of others in the house?

So, that is where I am at the moment – I am workin’ on the me things. I am. But I am also feelin’ sad because I know, as much as I work, I can’t do it alone. I can not fix it on my own. It just doesn’t work that, at least not for me. And right now, there isn't another option.

Of course, there is more to the story. There always is, right?

As always, thanks for listenin’ - and remember - Jag is right; life is more important.


Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. William James (1842-1910)

I do not at all understand the mystery of grace--only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us. -Anne Lamott

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. Psalms 9:10


Drew Blackstone said...

Good on you for taking ownership of yourself. That's a rare thing these days. Remember, you and God - one day at a time.

You can't get out of a hole by digging deeper.

Peace out :)

T-girl said...

Oh there is more.. I was just giving you a breather! ROTFL Thanks btw (I am going to be ultra modest and assume you were refering to moi! LMAO), I like you too! I have more about "overcoming" that is helping me, I probably should have thrown that in there instead of just saying "x,y & z!" Way to offer hope T right? LOL

Either way, Drew is correct, the first step is ownership... and attitude about the ownership also I think is just as important. The rest will fall into place as time moves on. ;) Amazingly I am finding as I am owning up, those next steps are really coming a hell of a lot quicker then I would have imagined.

I have to tell you about this, this is my little um, picadillo for today. I did something bad today... I went shopping. Retail therapy as I call it. I had the best intentions, I was going to use a giftcard but... what I decided I wanted was MORE then the giftcard and THEN THAT is when that impulsive little bug I like to call "bad T" hit! She is a real witch that one, she said, "just put it on the American Express he won't care!" HA! Girl I didn't even USE the damn giftcard... totally selfishly I went, "I can get something else later!" The intial euphoria of new pretties wore off about half way to the car. The "old T" would have hid them or lied about them, hoping he wouldn't notice the bill if he got it first. The old T was a VERY bad girl!!!! The new T, worried all the way home (old T worried, she was just a bit self centered about it! LMAO) The new T walked in the house, headed straight for Big J and said, "Baby, I was wrong I am sorry!" Amazingly he said, "let's see what you got" and THEN "no biggie, they are nice, you can work it off!" ROTFL I was shocked Old J would have been a bit more um, well, lets just say he would have not been so understanding and probably rightfully so since I was in effect lying about it! LOL I still feel guilty, I should have thought ahead and well, not been so impulsive but at least I was honest about it for a change. I even offered to take them back... and MEANT IT! Sigh- I am not sure I like this new me, she really is no fun! LMAO

T-girl said...

I forgot to add... work on that ball of yarn, one knott at a time... it can't stay tangled forever! ;)